Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

[mandalay]

Just wondered if anyone is out there who remembers me. If so, you may recall that I was so scared that giving up had been so easy that I just knew it would jump up and bite me, and that I'd not had the chance to learn any techniques for pushing it away.

Well, I am back because I am on the brink again, of drinking too much and I just ended up swallowing my pride and coming back on here.

I did five months AF. Then I went away for a special occasion, and everyone said, you can have just a bottle, it won't do any harm.

Since then, it's been just coming up for three months, and I am drinking probably most nights; for the last month it's been every night, and I now sense that it is moving up a notch and one bottle isn't enough. I have just opened a second bottle.

I want to stop it again. I don't want to get into this again. Last week I was going to stop altogether but because of what happened to my son when he stopped (he had a fit) I am absolutely terrified that it will happen to me. I'm the breadwinner! I can't have this happen! I have to do what I did before, but I am finding it hard to take that one step, having less than one bottle. Please, I am scared people will say (someone did, last time) that I am just using it as an excuse. I am not, I am just simply scared. I am trapped in this limbo of wanting to stop really badly, but scared I will have a fit. So I decide I will just have half a bottle, then contiinue cutting down, but once I have had the half bottle, I come up with all the reasons in the world why I should finish it. So I do.

I have been in this situation before, and I dealt with it. I am so sorry for being so weak, but I just wondered if anyone remembers me from last time and wants to say Hi!

[Chillgirl]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Mandalay - I remember you! We both joined this site around the same time...

Last year i was drinking at least two bottles of wine every night and when i stopped i went completely cold turkey. I didnt experience any fits only the expected withdrawls of my body detoxing. I dont think you should be concerned about fits on the amount you are drinking but maybe its best to speak to your Doctor. I can see your problem with tapering, if I had opened a bottle i would have been unable to stop after half of it. How did you go about quitting last time?

Please dont think you are weak, we all feel so vunerable in the beginning but you will soon feel stronger once the Al is out your system. Do you remember the toolbox? Its full of really helpful info https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Im glad you had the strength to come back and look for support, as you know this site has so many wonderful people who can help and understand how you feel :l

[Rusty]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Mandalay,

Yes, I remember you! Welcome back....nice to see you again. My experience was different in that I could moderate during the week and have been able to successfully....or not drink at all without it causing me much anxiety, but I when I had my "trigger days" when I was alone on a Saturday or Sunday and dreading the beginning of another week, I would binge on vodka....sometimes drinking 13 ounces in a day. I did not have any withdrawal symptoms either.

I am also here to say that I believe in you because you did have several months AF and you can do it again. I am choosing not to moderate and be AF because my friends here say it's easier to be AF...and they have more experience with this than I do, so I totally trust them. Always know that there is someone here who has been in your shoes and never be afraid to just post and say, " I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE," because someone will listen. Believe me, I have gone on here when I was hungover, feeling lousy and bawling, and no one made me feel like I was loser. Just the opposite...I was greeted with compassion, love (and tough love when I needed it because I needed some of that, too).

So, welcome back!!!

Rusty

[mandalay]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hello Sheri, and hi, Chillgirl

I am so relieved that I am with people who know me. Thank you for reminding me about the toolbox, I had forgotten.

I feel it's helped me, thank you so much.

[mandalay]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Rusty

Thank you so much, I will try really hard now. Thank you for so much encouragement,

Mandalay x

[tlrgs]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

well welcome back just do your best but one day at a time and keep reading and asking any and all of your qusetion that might come up no matter how small or big

[Doggygirl]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

:welcome: back mandalay. My experience was similar to Chill and Sheri - no seizures for me either - just discomfort. And I was well over 2 bottles per day. If you are concerned, make sure you see your doctor. They can give you some meds to help. What I did was print out the information from one of the links in "Need Help ASAP" that spoke of withdrawl symptoms. I had my husband read it with me. He kept an eye on me and was prepared to take me to the hospital if necessary. Do you have a friend who might be able to look after you the first couple of days?

At any rate, I can sure relate to your story. When I first came here in 2007 I made it 60 days but then thought I could drink and it would be OK. It was definitely now OK, and I really had a hard time getting back on the wagon. I suppose that experience makes me even more convinced that I can never drink safely, ever. I see that as the positive. I hope it ends up that way for you too.

I couldn't taper either. Once I take the first drink - it's off to the races for me.

Good to see you back. Make a plan and work it. We can do this.

DG

[Lavande]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Good to see you mandalay

Sorry you've had such difficulty!
The truth is - AL is poison, better to stay away from it altogether.
You know what you need to do. Take good care of yourself & stay close, we're all in this together!

Wishing you the best

Lav

[techie]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi there I do remember you as well. I wish you all the best in trying to make a permanebt hold on the AF life. Looking forward to hearing much more from you!

[rubywillow]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Me too, Mandalay. Yes, it's the same story, 2nd verse usually when we try to mod. But you're back, and you're welcome with open arms and no judgement. Listen to all the great advice above. I remember thinking back then what a cool name you had!!

[beagle]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hey mandalay,
good to "meet" you.
i joined in Sept 09 but have been abit of a flitty number. now i'm trying to get back on here as much as poss to just get support (which i don't have in my geographical location!)
good to see another aussie.
i'm not yet af....i wish for it, but obviously my subconscious brain is blocking me somehow.
i'm thinking about getting hypnosis!
haha!
so stick around. all these great people on here are just magnificent. as i'm sure you know.
congrats on doing 5 months!

[Rags]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Mandalay,
Yep, I remember you. Hang in there, think of the fantastic achievements you have made, and let those be your thoughts.

[hippie37]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Mandalay

Maybe it's time to look beyond just 'stopping'. Stopping drinking was the easy part for me but trying to stay stopped was the difficult part. Obviously something's not working for you and it may be helpful to change your approach and attitude towards sobriety as a whole.

Many Blessings
Phil

[K9Lover]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Mandalay!
I tried to "wean" myself off of alcohol for a long time, thinking I'd have horrible withdrawals (maybe even a seizure!) if I quit cold turkey. Well, that didn't work! I can't drink less and less...I'm an alcoholic, I want more and more! I finally went to my doctor, was completely honest, and she prescribed me Ativan (an anti-seizure/anti-anxiety drug) to get me through the first 10 days or so. After that I began Antabuse (will give you more info on that if you'd like it)...and miraculously I am coming up on 5 months sober (not without it's ups and downs though!). However you decide to quit, please be safe...and let us know how you are!
K9

[MF]

Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?

Hi Mandalay - welcome back!

Do be careful if you do decide to give up 'cold turkey'; I've had withdrawal seizures in the past and they can be very unpleasant. Best to talk to a doctor first; he/she should be able to give you something to help with the withdrawl symptoms.

Take care, and keep posting!

MF