Does Anyone Remember Me From Before?
Hi everyone who has come back to me and said 'hi' and 'welcome.' I am so relieved to be back among you. I really value the advice from everyone, and I know I can do this. I do have to do it differently this time, because the way I did it then isn't going to work the same way... last time, I put lots of bottles out with very slightly decreasing amounts in each, and really revelled in the way I was drinking less and less each day, was admiring how well I was doing each day, etc. This time, we have 2 visitors living in the house so I can't do it like that. Someone is always watching me, or on my case. Also, my frame of mind is not the same this year. Last year I was sick of drinking, but I was relatively calm. This year, because I have recently become the carer of my 87 year old mother in law, who now lives with us, I am anything but calm and relaxed. I have now become tense, anxious and depressed even without the spectre of alcohol hanging over me. At the end of each day, all I want to do is grab a bottle and try to unwind. I thank God that I have not lost sight of the fact that it's not the answer to my depression and stress... in the long run it's not helping at all, and I do know that. I'm also about to lose my job, which was my one bit of sanity in all this, so again I reach for the bottle which helps tonight but not tomorrow of course when I wake up with those old familiar feelings of guilt, tension, hangover and stress.
By the way - doctors here (and I have practically no choice, being so far from anywhere) will not give me meds! They insist on bringing my husband and family in for a group discussion about MY problem, won't even give me valium but insist that I would have to go in and be detoxed in a hospital. I cannot possibly do that. I HAVE to do this by myself. I know I can do it with everyone's support on here, because I know people understand and aren't judging me. I am currently away from home working, am cold, tired and miserable so yes I am ashamed to say that I do also have a (single) bottle of wine, but I am coming rapidly to the point where I know I will find the courage to give up again. And this time, I know it has to be for good, because if it's not, I will end up as another old drunk.
Many thanks to everyone, you can't imagine how much it means to me.
Mandalay
Hi everyone who has come back to me and said 'hi' and 'welcome.' I am so relieved to be back among you. I really value the advice from everyone, and I know I can do this. I do have to do it differently this time, because the way I did it then isn't going to work the same way... last time, I put lots of bottles out with very slightly decreasing amounts in each, and really revelled in the way I was drinking less and less each day, was admiring how well I was doing each day, etc. This time, we have 2 visitors living in the house so I can't do it like that. Someone is always watching me, or on my case. Also, my frame of mind is not the same this year. Last year I was sick of drinking, but I was relatively calm. This year, because I have recently become the carer of my 87 year old mother in law, who now lives with us, I am anything but calm and relaxed. I have now become tense, anxious and depressed even without the spectre of alcohol hanging over me. At the end of each day, all I want to do is grab a bottle and try to unwind. I thank God that I have not lost sight of the fact that it's not the answer to my depression and stress... in the long run it's not helping at all, and I do know that. I'm also about to lose my job, which was my one bit of sanity in all this, so again I reach for the bottle which helps tonight but not tomorrow of course when I wake up with those old familiar feelings of guilt, tension, hangover and stress.
By the way - doctors here (and I have practically no choice, being so far from anywhere) will not give me meds! They insist on bringing my husband and family in for a group discussion about MY problem, won't even give me valium but insist that I would have to go in and be detoxed in a hospital. I cannot possibly do that. I HAVE to do this by myself. I know I can do it with everyone's support on here, because I know people understand and aren't judging me. I am currently away from home working, am cold, tired and miserable so yes I am ashamed to say that I do also have a (single) bottle of wine, but I am coming rapidly to the point where I know I will find the courage to give up again. And this time, I know it has to be for good, because if it's not, I will end up as another old drunk.
Many thanks to everyone, you can't imagine how much it means to me.
Mandalay
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