How do I tell my husband?

[VegasGirl]

How do I tell my husband?

Thank you all for your replies, but this question has gotten a little off track. I was asking how to tell him about this? I cannot go forward without telling him because I am feeling worse now than I do about the actual acts that I committed.

[Sunnyvalenting]

How do I tell my husband?

Vegas, It is not about how YOU feel. It is about how you want to treat the man you love. Spare him this much. Carry the guilt by yourself or tell a counselor or minister if you feel the need to unburden. Do not burden him with your pain. There is no right way to do the wrong thing. IMO
Good luck
Sunny

[FallonsMom]

How do I tell my husband?

Don't do it Vegasgirl my husband cheated on me from Dec 08 - March 09 it's now Aug 2010 and it still hurts me to my very core sometimes I still want to kill him.

[PhoenixRising]

How do I tell my husband?

I agree with FM. Sure, you'll feel better for getting it off your chest, and then you will unleash the beast on him and it will come back to bite you. You marriage will never be the same again. He may never trust you again. He may not even want to touch you. He may leave you. How is that going to make you feel better? I say think about this long and hard because it may cost you your marriage. Just my 2 cents. I know you want to tell him.

-P.

[Cinders]

How do I tell my husband?

VegasGirl,

I hope you are truly reading these responses.

What people are trying to tell you is:

1. Tell your husband if you think there is anyway he would find out by someone other than you. That is purely logical.
2. Do not let your feelings of guilt override what is best. We do that, you know. It is "all about us." If telling your husband about your indescretions is all about you to alleviate your guilt, rethink.
3. Live your life from now on, every day, one day at a time, such that you will never be in the place again where you would cheat. (Read that, stupidly drunk and not thinking.)

I do not like lying and cheating. I hate worse hurting someone.

This is truly not all about you. It is about you and your husband.

If you are determined to go down the path where you tell him what happened, then do it. We can't stop you. We can only advise.

However, I do want to insert here that there is more going on than this. Today, you must look at your face in the mirror and say, "Today, I will not drink."

Cindi

[havefaith]

How do I tell my husband?

Sheri,
Amen........
Finally someone who understands what secrets will do to an alcoholic. I was in the same situation,and the guilt alone would cause me to Drink myself right to the bottom of that bottle.So with that being said, I chose to fess up. And sure my Husband was deeply hurt( I would be too)! He left me for awhile
then we went to therapy, and to this day he still watches me like a hawk, but you know what-thats ok
We went into this marriage based on trust- I made a mistake, and I had to make amends.And you know what, I asked him the other day if I should have never told him and he said"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
So vegasgirl- only you know your own marriage. You do whats best for you!

[FallonsMom]

How do I tell my husband?

yeah at the end of the day only you really know your husband so what is best for you.

[VegasGirl]

How do I tell my husband?

Thank You all Again for your replies. I am going to tell him when I get my head on straight. But a few of these replies have brought additional things to my mind. That are stressing me out ever more.

[Sunnyvalenting]

How do I tell my husband?

Vegas,
First things first is appropriate right now. You are newly sober and in a very tender and scary place. Focus on your abstinence and self care right now. You won't be able to "solve" of "fix" everything in just a few weeks but you can remain sober 1 day at a time and consider your actions carefully. I know how hard this must be for you to realize now but as you live each new day sober the wake of destruction gets smaller and smaller. There are people on these boards and in your life who can help you. I think it showed great wisdom to ask for help here rather than acting on the first impulse. Sometimes with time the decision can become more clear. Remember we are all rooting for you, Vegas.
Sunny