I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

[grangelady]

I'm so upset and and angry with myself.

I'd been doing so well day 11 with only 4 glasses of wine and 2 of those were reduced alcohol and spread of the 11 days, then at the weekend we had friends over and I drank, but yesterday I was feeling positive that I'd be fine and carry on moderating...but it all went wrong, so very wrong and this morning I've rung in sick because I'm feeling so dreadful, not hungover dreadful just angry and depressed that I let DRINK back into my life with such a vengence.

I could feel it coming on about 6pm I work from home and had a particularly stressful day, I was sat at my desk and the thought of going down and getting a glass of wine while finished off what I was doing popped into my head. I resisted.

Then sat watching TV decided to have a glas of wine out of the half bottle that was left from the weekend...that turned into a bottle and a half:upset: Back to my old ways - god why did I do it?

I guess I know the answer partly, its because I've lapsed since Friday in taking my supplements, they've really helped and I stupidly lapsed.

Now I want to turn the clock back 24 hours and re-live it as I'd been doing for the previous 11 days virtually AF, happy and proud, instead of how I'm feeling now - angry, depressed and hating myself......... PLEASE GOD HELP ME BACK INTO THE SADDLE:upset:

.

[Panno]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

Grangelady please don't hate yourself, turn the hate and anger for yourself into hate and anger for the alcohol!! I discovered something in me this weekend that the more I give myself a hardtime the more depressed I get and then I'm inclined to say 'sod' it !! Yes kick yourself because it won you over but keep being strong and put yesterday behind you :l

[JackieClaire]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

Hi Grangelady,
I'm not going to say don't beat yourself up, feel guilty because believe me I know exactly how you're feeling. :l For me one glass was never enough it barely touched the sides.
Planning and then planning some more is the key.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...lan-41280.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Keep it simple, it doesn't have to be complicated just doable.

Like Panno says turn that anger towards alcohol not yourself.

J x
:l

[grangelady]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

Thank you Panno - you're right of course. I'm okay and will sort myself out. Just reading some of the posts on the forum, which always helps. Will take my supps again and start day 1 today.
I look at others who post and they too have relapses, I just don't want too many of them!

[mario]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

Grangelady, put it behind you and start again,imo you should start your goal with 30 day alcohol free plan,there are many threads here that you can join & that will help you support each other, After the 30 days you can decide if you want modding Or abstenence, :-)

[grangelady]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

Guys thank you for your support and advice.

JC - My plan is simple, I'm going the start taking the supplements again and not miss a dose, they really helped but being a silly cow I haven't taken them properly since Friday, and it shows!! Today I'm working from home, so I'm going to drink plenty of water, eat lots of fresh fruit and sort of detox for the day. I'm going to start calm and relaxed and look after myself spirtually and physically.

Mario - although it scares me to commit I'm going to take your advice and try for the 30 day completely AF..there I said it, I've commited to it so no going back. I was doing so well by day 11 I really had lost the most of the cravings and was sort of indifferent to having a glass of wine, instead I make a cup of tea or coffee, so as you say I need to put last night behind me and start again today.

Thank you all so much xxxx

[PhoenixRising]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

GL, hold still while I beat you with a stick. SMACK SMACK SMACK. Ok, all done. Now you've been duly punished and you can proceed without guilt.

I did the same thing. I was 19 days AF and had a drink on vacation. Next night I also had one. WOW! I can moderate! I can have just one and stop! (heh, you know where this is going...) Next time I was out with my GF and I had a beer. Wasn't enough. Had a mixed drink. Then another. Thankfully I stopped at that, but if I had had more at home, I surely wouldn't have!

So, point of the matter is I think everyone tests the water and at some point, unless you are a super special mutant, you think you've won the battle. The battle is never won. You've just held the Beast off for now. So that's how I think about it. This is a battle that will never really be won. I will just have held on for another day. The second I let my guard down, the enemy will overrun the fortress.

Be strong and never let your guard down. So, have you had enough pep talk? I think so.

Hugs,

-P.

[sunshinedaisies]

I fell off and now I hate myself for doing so

Hi Grangelady - first of all - don't waste energy hating yourself - doesn't do any good. Just move forwards. As a recently relapsed after 8 months AF, I totally understand - as for why? Who knows. I still have yet to stop again - what supplements are you taking? When I first started, I got everything and don't do very well with taking a lot of tabs - they just seem to sit like a lump in my tummy so stopped all of them and just took Topa - so which ones do you think helped you most? I have started taking the Topa again and am waiting for it to kick in - the cravings are wicked! And when I do stop this next time - I am not going to try and stop - I WILL STOP. And won't be foolish enough to think I can start or maybe just have the one.

Wishing you all the best Grangelady - hugs to you,

Sunshinedaisies x