venting here,apologies

[tantangra]

venting here,apologies

Dear Beagle,
I live in a small town in NSW. We do have coffee shops but very few vets or doctors. I found a very good doctor when I moved here who, like you, cared about her patients and always knew what she was talking about. She would always remember my story and I began to rely on her. Last month my doctor up and moved to another town. I'm still here.
People will find their own solutions if you stop doing it for them. Is it possible to just cut and run, find a place that has a coffee shop, find something to channell your energy that gives you joy, somewhere where no one knows you're a vet. Join a sports club or Toastmasters and find friends there. Sometimes life shows us we need to make changes, and if we ignore the first signs they don't stop, they keep coming faster and more often until they hit us in the face. Is it possible that your current feelings about being a vet are overshadowing the good memories you hold of your career?
I hope things went well with the foal. We here care about you. I hold up my mug to you and share a virtual cup of coffee with you, mine's decaf long black, what'll you have?
Tant

[tantangra]

venting here,apologies

Just another thought, Beagle,
I heard Wayne Dyer say on one of his tapes when talking about frustrations with work that it's ok not to still be the thing you wanted to be when you left school. He says, "Would you take vocational advice from a teenager?" I quit teaching ten years ago when I faced the fact that I hated the job and really didn't care much for the kids, and even less for their parents. I won't say I have miraculously dropped into another perfect career but I now work doing something that I love and I don't WORK a day in my life.

Tant

[Angelcakes]

venting here,apologies

:l:l:l Beags

xo

[tawnyfrog]

venting here,apologies

Check back in here when you get back, Beags.

[Marshy]

venting here,apologies

I like Tantangra's advice about meeting people who didn't know you in your "old" life.

You say you stopped being the vet last year. So presumably there's a new vet? If people approach you about their animals, just give them the number of the new vet, say you're not the vet any longer and you're now doing X (you have a new job? or are doing something else with your time - anyway, you're too busy to see their animal because you're no longer the vet!). Be firm with people. You've moved on, and they have to take their business elsewhere.

And if they are disappointed - so what? This is causing you so much stress, you have to put yourself first.

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

well i am back.
foal seen,examined,diagnosed,tested,treated.
in the aftermath of that 1 case i'm friggin exhausted. just coming down from that volcanic emotional crisis.
lots of big breaths here, ate (finally) & had some sweet tea & now a sparky water.
THANKS EVERYONE for helping me.
change - thanks lovey! stick with me til Fri huh!
skendall - you're so right re the empathy thing. doesn't help when i'm an obsessive perfectionist when it comes to vet stuff. gotta make sure things are done RIGHT.
tantangra - you too are spot on regarding changes needed.Just wish my farmer hubby agreed. re the coffee - i'll have a decaf cap with lite milk. or better still a hazelnut latte.
reggie my friend, you're in trouble if i ever get to Melb you being 7kms out of cbd....

ahhh well i'm deflating like a pricked balloon.
so very tired & a bit shaky BUT i will not make it worse with alcohol.

tomorrow maybe beagle can give herself a tummy rub.laster:

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

venting here,apologies

Hi Beagle, I would have to say I agree with Marshy's post. Probably not an easy thing to do in a small rural community however, I imagine, but it needs to be done for the sake of your sanity. You cant continue to allow people to run roughshod over your your own wishes. Unfortunately some people are like that and dont care but most probably dont even realise the pain and stress this is causing you.
Maybe a change of scenery if all all else fails is the answer. A couple of weeks away even would be very helpful and I bet you will see the stress starting to lift and some clarity of thought come into your life. After all we only have one, dont let other people selfish behavior make yours a misery.
Take care Beagle and look after yourself.

[Guest]

venting here,apologies

Beagle

I was in a very similar situation regards my line of work, and sometimes still am. In order to get sober I had to STOP dead. It was something I found very difficult but it was the only way to save myself. By stop I mean I put myself first - I turned my phone off and ignored everyone else. That gave me the space to detox myself, then I started very, very slowly. This did mean letting folk down, one or two of which will probably won't contact me again. It was however the only way.

These days I learn to pace myself, have things clear in my head as to what I will, or wont accept.

I don't get it right all the time but it's making a big difference, and the longer I'm sober the better I am at dealing with pressure as well as people.

[Change]

venting here,apologies

beagle;944069 wrote: reggie my friend, you're in trouble if i ever get to Melb you being 7kms out of cbd....

Oi, me too, me too!

[sapphire1]

venting here,apologies

beagle;944069 wrote: well i am back.
foal seen,examined,diagnosed,tested,treated.
in the aftermath of that 1 case i'm friggin exhausted. just coming down from that volcanic emotional crisis.
lots of big breaths here, ate (finally) & had some sweet tea & now a sparky water.
THANKS EVERYONE for helping me.
change - thanks lovey! stick with me til Fri huh!
skendall - you're so right re the empathy thing. doesn't help when i'm an obsessive perfectionist when it comes to vet stuff. gotta make sure things are done RIGHT.
tantangra - you too are spot on regarding changes needed.Just wish my farmer hubby agreed. re the coffee - i'll have a decaf cap with lite milk. or better still a hazelnut latte.
reggie my friend, you're in trouble if i ever get to Melb you being 7kms out of cbd....

ahhh well i'm deflating like a pricked balloon.
so very tired & a bit shaky BUT i will not make it worse with alcohol.

tomorrow maybe beagle can give herself a tummy rub.laster:

aawwww Beags me sweet I just penned a five hundred page letter of encouragement for ya, had to wipe the tears off me own dogs face..and bugger me dead...went back to read it and I was bloody well off line:upset: anyway baby girl...you did well...ODAT...Go have a nice bubble bath with some candles; soothing music; I will re-write it when I can remember what the hell it was about in the first place:H till then - Sending you strength and luv:h

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

been having troubles with puter so sorry to take so long to respond.

marshy,ktab,ukb, you're all right about that change aspect.
there is no other vet for 200kms, rural vets are virtually non existent so finding someone to replace me is impossible given that i can't pay 'em! many people are good at leaving me alone....it's just some & yes i've gotta learn to shut down,say no,politely ignore hints at help. such a friggin softy/weakling.
i could really move away. we have a small farmlet approx 3 hrs from here, where i could happily go & live, but it would mean leaving my husband to cope with the stresses of farming ( & we run a huge operation here) by himself. Labour, part-time or full time, is hard to find, even if we could pay them they want. it's a problem most rural areas face in the entire state due to the mining boom sucking the labour units from small towns.
but back to me...ha! yep i'm sure you're all wanting to hear more....but wait! there's more....i know my limit to being here is fast approaching. i've expressed to my husband a few times that i would like to go get a "normal" job elsewhere, but he is not that pleased with the idea. so,i've got to do what you've all suggested ....say NO firmly. if i could just push my guilt away when i say that, no problems. i've indoctrinated into myself this hopeless requirement to be the best vet i could be. now it's difficult to make that break away & not be ashamed by it....who said that earlier? about it's ok to not be what you've always wanted before?Wayne dwyer but who posted that? it's a good one anyway,thanks.

no opportunities here to get another job. positions at the pub,roadhouse & supermarket are all filled, with waiting lists, i kid you not!
we are so geographically far from other towns (80-100kms) it's pretty hard to get work elsewhere without blowing all the pay on petrol!!
& my "duties" as a farm wife.....unfulfilling. no longer enjoyable.

but i am calming now & most importantly, sober.
thanks everyone for your responses, i know i need more "talkings to" from others!

aahh thanks sapph off to run myself a nice bath with heaps of epsom salts.

[tantangra]

venting here,apologies

Hi Beagle,
I have no qualms about letting the answering machine take messages for me even if I am in the same room as the phone. Maybe you could do the same and practice not feeling guilty. Maybe you could announce on your machine message that the vet is no longer available but please leave a message after the beep if you're calling to ask me over for a coffee. If people still leave messages for you for vetinary services ignore them. If they persist you might have to get a stranger to record the message for you. Could start some interesting conversations at the post office and the pub. At least they won't be talking about your vet services.
Glad you're home safe and well. How was the bath?
Tant

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

tantangra;944120 wrote: Maybe you could announce on your machine message that the vet is no longer available but please leave a message after the beep if you're calling to ask me over for a coffee. ........ If they persist you might have to get a stranger to record the message for you. Could start some interesting conversations at the post office and the pub. At least they won't be talking about your vet services.
Glad you're home safe and well. How was the bath?
Tant

oh tant they are great suggestions!
my take on them...
"Hello, this is beagle & mr beagle's phone. we are ignoring any requests for vet shit. if you are after vet shit, piss orf. if you'd like to invite me over for coffee & have no intentions of asking me any vet shit, please leave your name & number after the beep."
2nd suggestion....
(muffling phone receiver with a handkerchief like they do in the movies)
"Hello this is a strange person speaking for beagle & mr beagle. if you want beagle for vet stuff, piss orf. if you want beagle for friends stuff, speak up."

Thanks tant, you made me smile! bath yet to be had as chopping wood took priority,now gotta feed dogs, THEN bath.

[Guitarista]

venting here,apologies

Hey Beagos!

Glad you're okay. Take care of yourself, and i'm only 4 k's from CBD......

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

hi mr g.
excellent, i'm getting a hit list of persons to visit when i get to Melbourne.....
be afraid. be very afraid.