venting here,apologies

[beagle]

ok this might be a bit tedious but at least by writing it down i can get it out of my system.
to start : i'm a vet. been graduated 19 yrs. worked in city for 1st 5 yrs, intensive small animal prac, worked REALLY hard, didn't get paid much ( yep,believe it or not!) & began to develop stress associated with work. so many hours, after hours, critical cases, emotional cases, dealing with grief. at 23 i was not adequately prepared, but hey that was the norm in those days.
Past 12 years been living in the country - & i mean COUNTRY?BUSH?OUTBACK. Set up my own practice in '97, trolleying along quite happily, enjoyed it, fewer after hours, own boss, still paid myself shit but hey i was still doing what i trained for - being a vet. Got busier, & busier & busier. Only vet for 200 km radius & i can honestly say i was GOOD at what i did.
Last coupla years, stress been building. slowly, like Main Roads doing road repairs. gradually, the pressure built. i was the ONLY vet. i had to make LIFE OR DEATH decisions BY MYSELF, no help, no support, nothing. just me. i'll just pause for a sec to let you all know that nothing actually went really wrong for me over these past years, i have never been sued or anything, never killed anything that wasn't supposed to die, but the worry was ALWAYS there.
Intermission : although my drinking was worsening, I was still functioning well, never worked pissed, never hungover for work, no relationship issues that weren't "normal" for our rural area. But it was worsening.
Last year, I stopped being the local vet. I was burnt out, stressed, emotionally drained. Every little call/ animal problem became HUGE. Every single time the phone rang I got ( & still get) jumpy, anxious. So I stopped, notified people, tried to gently extract myself from that work.
Well there are certain people who just don't get it. Who ring, just asking, if i'm back at it, or can just give some advice, maybe take a look at Fido? These people ONLY ring me to get my professional self, not me as a person, not to say hey Beagle wann meet for coffee.
One in partic is a Russian lady, owner of our Post Office, who forever hounds me to cnte working for her. I cannot seem to flat out refuse but it really gets my hackles up. Now I have to go & see a sick foal & i am getting very anxious ALL over again just when i was starting to feel better....sweating palms,tremors,agitated like all hell.
I feel USED by nearly everyone in this town. There are only a few people who genuinely call me for friendship purposes & the rest are parasites, only pretending to be my frined when all they want is to be on the good side of the local (ex)vet.
So i'm due out to this bloody sick foal in 2 hrs & i'm sick myself.

There,sorry for the rant but had to get it out.

Hell i might even add more later.
:thanks:

[Miss Behaving]

venting here,apologies

Beagle,

it seems to me after everything that you have been through lately, that having a good rant and articulating all this stuff may be just about the best thing for you!! Particularly when you are feeling used and abuse like this.

I'll say something more intelligent later on, but in the mean time, just wanted you to know that you have been heard!!

:l:l:l

[sunshinedaisies]

venting here,apologies

Beagle I feel for you - not much I can say to help really - it must be hard when you were THE vet and now want to step down but folk still only want to call on you when they want your help - you are right to feel used. The trouble is that you feel an obligation still to the animals - and your heart tells you that - it is the owners that are annoying you. You have a soft heart. I can't give you a solution. I can tell you that I understand your pain. You are between a rock and a hard place. I am sorry. I send you hugs if that helps any.......

Sun xxxxxxx

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

thanks sun & missy. am getting a bit worked up, a bit teary, so just had half a valium to settle me.

shit, who am i kidding, a bit teary...i'm feckin close to BAWLING.

i so hate what i do. i hate being a vet. the responsibility is overwhelming.
why can't people just want to be my friends? why do they always WANT me for something.

prolly more to come peoples sorry......

[time2change]

venting here,apologies

When they call say....NO!!! I feel for you but they have to respect that you have told them you are done!!

[Rags]

venting here,apologies

G'day Beagle,
Unfortunately, being a country vet has its rewards and pitfalls, same as country doctor, dentist etc.
Mr Rags used to get the 3 am phone calls, which is why we have had a a private number for a while now, and live in another area away from his work.
Some people still feel intimidated ,and have the "Doctor is God" syndrome, and often just don't know how to approach medicos in anything but a formal, patient/doctor/vet way. Often patients don't recognise Mr Rags in the local shopping centre as he hasn't got his jacket.
This is just a thought, as it worked for me in a similar sort of situation. What if you were to take the initiative (when you are good and ready) and ask Mrs so and so if by the way would they like to join you for a coffee at the Paragon. That is, if there are people in town that you'd like to strike up a friendship with. It's a difficult situation for you. At the extreme end, what about the option of moving? Hope all goes well with the foal business.

[KateH1]

venting here,apologies

Beagle, I feel for you, I really do. You sound very dedicated to your patients in a very difficult situation, due to the isolation. But as for the lack of call for socialization, I have to ask, do you reach out and invite others out for coffee and such. Perhaps people tend to be a bit intimidated by your education, profession etc. Perhaps they think that you would not be interested in them. I say this, because I was in a similar situation at one time. Fortunately for me, somone brought to my attention that there was a perception about me that I was not interested in friendships. Imagine my shock! If in the past, you have waited for others to reach out to you, why not start by reaching out to a few people yourself and see what happens! You quite well might be pleasantly surprised! I also agree with Time 2 change. Take care of yourself first and sometimes that means saying No!

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

ok ok ok just doing a little self talk here right here & now.
thanks time2, some people think they are above the word "NO" as they think they are my "friends" . they are merely using me.

ok ok ok trying settle.
trying to not think too far,too fast.
brain is so wired. always has been. mind rushes ahead whilst body reacts in classic fight or flight response. this has always been me, even from days fresh out of Uni, even whilst studying, waaaay before al was a problem factor in my life.

ever feel like your thoughts just cannot escape from your brain? they just fly around in there banging at the sides of your head but there is no way i can let em out. zip it beagle that's what you're supposed to do, just zip it. no-one needs to hear that shit. everyone has their own problems. do not burden all that crap on others.
oh, don't forget to pretend to CARE. really, and should i remember friggin Fido that i saw 5 yrs ago? NO. & can i tell you whats wrong with Fido over the phone? sure, put the little fella on & i'll cure him with a single magical injection or pill. & no Mrs Smith, it won't cost you more that a can of baked Beans, cos i KNOW how much us vets are supposed to make & boy, i really like working for peanuts. do i look like a monkey?!!!
so what's wrong with Fido? oh sorry, i'll just whack on my xray goggles & follow up with my ultrasound mask WHICH I DON"T HAVE out here in the sticks - sorry - & give an instantaneous diagnosis,prognosis & treatment plan without you having to leave the comfort of your loungeroom. Ah & I said before, it'll be very cheap.

ok crying stopped now. blubbering idiot. i'm THE VET, always the rock, the comforter, the carer. friggin hell, i DON"T want to hear your life story Mrs Smith....
who cares for the carer?

[Miss Behaving]

venting here,apologies

Beagle,

can you either (a) pull the plug on this foal appointment on the basis that you are not well enough to attend or (b) plan something nice for yourself for afterward to recognise that you did a nice deed for someone and deserve to treat yourself at least as well!!

Take a deep breath my friend. Dont let this one spin you out. Cry all you need to - it'll probably help.

[sunshinedaisies]

venting here,apologies

I DO BEAGLE !!!!!! I DO!!!!

[Rags]

venting here,apologies

I care too!!! :l

[beagle]

venting here,apologies

ok about to go. have mentallypulled out professional mask, loathe it that i do.
thanks sun,missy,rags,kate....the irony is there ISN'T anywhere to go for coffee in this shitty little town - only a PUB a small supermarket & a roadhouse no coffee there.....jeez.
You're a bit right there kate I have only made tentative steps to be just friends, it has tended to backfire by those people saying, oh if I'm coming over, could I bring Fido for you to look at. So i canned that idea.

right. have packed medic box. have gulped another 2 kudzu + other half valium.
i'm trying to come down from nuclear explosion to merely warning bells & high alert.

i will get back on here this arvo as i will need some support from here to NOT DRINK.

in the immortal words of the Terminator, i'll be back.

[Change]

venting here,apologies

beagle;943988 wrote: These people ONLY ring me to get my professional self, not me as a person, not to say hey Beagle wann meet for coffee.

There are only a few people who genuinely call me for friendship purposes & the rest are parasites, only pretending to be my frined when all they want is to be on the good side of the local (ex)vet.

Beagle, i SO get you! I am a retired Dj and barely one person i knew from my former life has bothered to contact me and add something new into my life. The whole time i was djing, i was surrounded by sycophants, people only wanting me for the reasons you describe.

Now, i have started a new job and i don't know who i am! So much of my identity was consumed by being a dj instead of being me. It sucks, but what can you do? I'm looking forward to getting to know the real me again. Perhaps a change is on the cards for you?!

I hope the sick foal is alright, but moreso, i hope you're doing okay

[Change]

venting here,apologies

beagle;943992 wrote: thanks sun & missy. am getting a bit worked up, a bit teary, so just had half a valium to settle me.

shit, who am i kidding, a bit teary...i'm feckin close to BAWLING.

i so hate what i do. i hate being a vet. the responsibility is overwhelming.
why can't people just want to be my friends? why do they always WANT me for something.

prolly more to come peoples sorry......

That's alright, let it out. I can totally understand. I had everyone after me at one stage, trying to ruin my life. I had to get out, almost like out of the ghetto. If you feel like a holiday in the big smoke, let me know

[SKendall]

venting here,apologies

Beagle, I so empathize with you. You took the trouble to be educated as a vet, and your clients look to you to solve everything that is wrong with their critters. If there is some give and take it makes it better, but you are in a non-social environment. I have felt the same in a new community, was President of the garden club, worked my ass off and no one ever wanted to meet for coffee or lunch, but were willing to come for a free dinner!

You sound spent and I have seen your posts on the Underoos when I was lurking and you work so very hard with very little recognition. Perhaps it time to take charge of Beagle's life and cut yourself a break dear. If you don't take care of yourself, no-one will do it for you. I'm sure every call you get for an ailing animal just cuts into you both professionally and your empathtic self, take a breath and a step back, but please take care of yourself.

:l