Hi Everyone,,,, I'm sure not everyone will remember me, but I am sure the "old timers" (not in reference to age) will. I have been hitting up this program on and off for about three years. I just wanted to tell you guys what I have been up to...so to start.
Well, I originally found this site because I thought there must be some program out there that would teach me to drink like a lady. The first two were always like that but then off to the races I would go. I was fortunate enough to not start drinking...and I mean at all until about ten years ago. I did not drink alcoholically for the first five years. When it struck, it all went pretty fast. I searched the internet on controlled drinking and came accross this site. I actively read the book, used the supplements and followed the instructions. I would be able to moderate for short periods of time but would always wind up drinking to much again. I tried Topamax (terrible side effects) and Naltrexone, aka the Sinclair Method. Truth of the matter was is that I did not want to give up drinking. I just wanted to drink normally. Well, no matter what I tried, that never happened. Even after long periods of abstinence, I would return to the drink with a more progressive vengance. I didn't want to go to AA since I lived in a small town and feared someone would find out and it would damage my legal career.
Finally, in February, my Dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease. Within the same time frame, I left my law firm as the real estate market had diminished. I picked up again and drank a bottle of wine in about an hour and a half. After that was gone, I picked up some vanilla vodka. In all of my drinking career, I NEVER touched the hard stuff. I woke up with my head in a cloud and knew that I could not continue like this. I could not look back in regret and know that I didn't do the best I could for my Dad in what will be his final year. I knew I had to be there for my Mother and needed to on my "A" game for what was to come. I had to be able to get in my car ANYTIME of the day or night if needed. I knew what I finally had to do. SURRENDER. I took my sorry, hugover ass and marched it to a noon AA meeting in town. I was scared to death and tried to minimize my severity to anyone who talked to be (god forbid they thought there was an alcoholic in AA). I came to that meeting everyday and much to my surprise, nobody threw a party because I was there, nobody said I had to come back, nobody told me I had to stop drinking. They only suggested I do ninety meeting in ninety days and ask for a sponsor. Well, I did both. I am now on day 200 of sobriety and I continue to go to my meetings and am slowly working with my sponsor on steps. Now by no means am I cured. I am in recovery and it took me ten years to get here so I cannot expect to be pre-alcoholic state restored in a little over six months. I don't know why it works, but it does. I am no longer embarassed by it either. What would have been embarssing is suffering negative legal or moral consequences if I continued drinking.
I also learned about the "phenomenom of craving" which I identified with immediately. It's that little thing that gets set off in our heads upon the first ingestion of alcohol. It is a medical condition of the liver and pancrease that does not process alcohol like a normal person. If you have a moment, google it and read about what it is that happens to "us" that makes us different. This is why alcoholism runs in families. It is not our fault but we have to recognize it and try to treat it.
Hence, I am back sharing with you what has thus worked for me. I do just take it one twenty four hour period at a time and I have collected two hundred of them. I am there for my Dad and know that I don't get a chance to do this time with him over and am glad that I can be proud of daughter that he needs during this time. I am NOT a social drinker. I am an ALCOHOLIC and cannot drink SAFELY. Therefore, I will never be able to return to a moderator or social drinker again. It is what it is. I can't change it, only how I react to it.
I hope this helps someone, somewhere. As part of my program, I am passing on my personal experience to others hoping that maybe another person, in the same situation can know there is hope.
Today, I am happy again!
Well, I originally found this site because I thought there must be some program out there that would teach me to drink like a lady. The first two were always like that but then off to the races I would go. I was fortunate enough to not start drinking...and I mean at all until about ten years ago. I did not drink alcoholically for the first five years. When it struck, it all went pretty fast. I searched the internet on controlled drinking and came accross this site. I actively read the book, used the supplements and followed the instructions. I would be able to moderate for short periods of time but would always wind up drinking to much again. I tried Topamax (terrible side effects) and Naltrexone, aka the Sinclair Method. Truth of the matter was is that I did not want to give up drinking. I just wanted to drink normally. Well, no matter what I tried, that never happened. Even after long periods of abstinence, I would return to the drink with a more progressive vengance. I didn't want to go to AA since I lived in a small town and feared someone would find out and it would damage my legal career.
Finally, in February, my Dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease. Within the same time frame, I left my law firm as the real estate market had diminished. I picked up again and drank a bottle of wine in about an hour and a half. After that was gone, I picked up some vanilla vodka. In all of my drinking career, I NEVER touched the hard stuff. I woke up with my head in a cloud and knew that I could not continue like this. I could not look back in regret and know that I didn't do the best I could for my Dad in what will be his final year. I knew I had to be there for my Mother and needed to on my "A" game for what was to come. I had to be able to get in my car ANYTIME of the day or night if needed. I knew what I finally had to do. SURRENDER. I took my sorry, hugover ass and marched it to a noon AA meeting in town. I was scared to death and tried to minimize my severity to anyone who talked to be (god forbid they thought there was an alcoholic in AA). I came to that meeting everyday and much to my surprise, nobody threw a party because I was there, nobody said I had to come back, nobody told me I had to stop drinking. They only suggested I do ninety meeting in ninety days and ask for a sponsor. Well, I did both. I am now on day 200 of sobriety and I continue to go to my meetings and am slowly working with my sponsor on steps. Now by no means am I cured. I am in recovery and it took me ten years to get here so I cannot expect to be pre-alcoholic state restored in a little over six months. I don't know why it works, but it does. I am no longer embarassed by it either. What would have been embarssing is suffering negative legal or moral consequences if I continued drinking.
I also learned about the "phenomenom of craving" which I identified with immediately. It's that little thing that gets set off in our heads upon the first ingestion of alcohol. It is a medical condition of the liver and pancrease that does not process alcohol like a normal person. If you have a moment, google it and read about what it is that happens to "us" that makes us different. This is why alcoholism runs in families. It is not our fault but we have to recognize it and try to treat it.
Hence, I am back sharing with you what has thus worked for me. I do just take it one twenty four hour period at a time and I have collected two hundred of them. I am there for my Dad and know that I don't get a chance to do this time with him over and am glad that I can be proud of daughter that he needs during this time. I am NOT a social drinker. I am an ALCOHOLIC and cannot drink SAFELY. Therefore, I will never be able to return to a moderator or social drinker again. It is what it is. I can't change it, only how I react to it.
I hope this helps someone, somewhere. As part of my program, I am passing on my personal experience to others hoping that maybe another person, in the same situation can know there is hope.
Today, I am happy again!
Comment