I'm just about over it...

[Waving_not_drowning]

Evening all..

Most of you know me and so know I won't do anything stupid and know I will be OK, so this is hardly a cry for help..

More like a whinge really..

But feel like spilling it, after a weekend alone and drinking a bottle of wine and a few Diazepam..

Had a great Weekend planned...Was meant to be dinner with friends last night and jumping out of a plane from 10,000 feet Today..

It all got called off for very valid reasons but has meant that I've had the entire Weekend alone (and made no effort to get out and about)

I am, as I have been, slowly sliding into "The Pit"

I can't and don't even want to stop the slide..

There is part of me that likes the depression and hopelessness (go figure)

Anyway, drinking too much, augmented with valium and feeling like shit..

Dinner has been cooked and on the stove for at least an hour...I'm not hungry..

I can't go to bed...I'm wide awake.. (despite Al and Diazepam)

I'm all fucked up..

Just felt like sharing

Wavey xxx

[symbols]

I'm just about over it...

Hi wavey,

While jumping out of a perfectly good airplane never made sense to me, niether does the pills or booze anymore as well.

Maybe sometimes you just gotta feel shitty. Everytime I wanted to quit drinking, I'd allow myself a bender ( a hard one), have strengh from the hurt, then drink again 3 days later.

You live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Get your face in the sun. Put your feet in the ocean. Just don't let a great white eat you. I'll send you some Minnesota snow in a few months.

I felt kinda lost yesterday as I do when my kids are off with friends and I'm in house alone. Two weeks ago I would have got drunk. This time I went to my Moms and had a nice chill lunch.

If your alone...try not to be if you can help it.

Or I may be a dpoe...who knows..

Cheers!

[Waving_not_drowning]

I'm just about over it...

Cheers Symbols...

I live alone, I think it's half my problem...

[Waving_not_drowning]

I'm just about over it...

Thanks guys, I have to be off to bed xxx

[rubywillow]

I'm just about over it...

Hey Wave. When my kids were home, then later I kept one of my grandbabies everyday, but I still had to work, I imagined bing home all day and all the wonderful things I'd get done. 10 years later, I was stuggling to get dressed each day. I had been socially and community active. Then I never even spoke to my neighbors. I would jump in a car at a moments notice anytime, go anywhere. By the end, my car sat in the drive for a week without moving. No shopping, no trips, no meals out. Just me, myself, and AL.
Getting out of that mode has proven as hard as giving up AL. They are co-dependent. In a lecture about AL I once attended, the speaker (an older woman) talked about her sister who was an alcoholic. She had managed to structure her life so she was alone, uninterrupted, with her endless suppy of AL. As the woman described, she had managed to find a way to always be alone with her lover, AL.
Didn't mean to wander, but this is a real possibility for us when we begin to enjoy, crave, the misery. Make yourself get out of the house. If not for Hubs, forcing me back into the world, I shudder to think where I'd be today. You're too great a person to let this be your end. Now get up, blow the stink off, and get back into life.
PS: I'm with symbols on the perfectly good plane bit. My SIL and daughter do things like that. (Pictured in my avatar). I'd be as likely to do that a go to a snake handling church that only has one door!

[babysteps]

I'm just about over it...

Waving, I live alone too. And yes I'd say it has added big time to my problem....
We have to work much harder at getting up and out; making ourselves touch base and spend time with others....the alcohol makes it much worse though as you get even more removed. When you wake up tomorrow its a new day - a new start. I'm at it. Good luck!