'My not drinking bothers friends'

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

Thanks Doggy when I read your post my behaviour as the person pushing the drink on others just flashed into mind. Not something I am proud of at all, having done it on many occasions but in my defense I dont think I fully realised that I was addicted at that stage. It was very selfish behaviour and I remember getting annoyed when 'friends' didnt want to play. How messed up is that thinking?
It does helps me now though in being to be able to recognise when people are doing the same thing. I think a lot has to do with the whole culture of drinking in Ireland, it is somehow seen as not macho or something if you dont want to partake, especially with younger people it appears to me.

[Accountable for Me]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

Great article!

I have been both the roommate's friend and the non-drinker.

[Mrs Donovan]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

I say 'I have an intolerance/allergy to alcohol - it makes me ill'.....that seems to just stop any more questions dead. Maybe 'oh no poor you that's a shame!' and then I say 'nah it's cool, I'm fine with it, it made me really sick!' I do sometimes think the more coy a person is about it, the more questions they can potentially invite and an embarrassing situation can then arise.

Saying it makes you ill means people know not to try and offer it to you later on in the evening nor can they get disappointed with you that you're not drinking and start badgering you and trying to sway you.

[choice]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

I've filled up my journal with tons more notes!!! thanks everyone.

DG- Your approach to not let others behavior upset you is good advice. Going at it peacefully instead of with anger. That feels more calm, thank you for the wisdom. Actually everyone's comments on this tread are so thought provoking.

It also puts the power back in your own hands and takes blaming others for your actions away. I'm insecure at this stage. I know people associate me as the one who "will play" and its funny (well not so funny) but I use to be proud of that. I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable or lonely... let anyone down. Ironic as I was letting myself down and didn't even know it.

I'll admit though as I get more and more honest with myself... I liked that role because I wanted to get wasted. That's the truth at the end of the day pointing a finger kept me away from taking responsibility and I hate to admit it but I may have liked the victim role as well... oh boy.

[Guest]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

So far I've not experienced any pushy situations and I actually now dread them as a result - as I don't know if I'll be able to handle it without flying off the handle, punching someone or bursting into tears(probably of anger).

Anyhoo I've been out with some drinkers who tried to encourage me a little, but were harmless as they distracted themselves with their own drunken antics. This last weekend however I was at a party and the hostess automatically offered me some AL on arrival. I obviously just said "I'm not drinking" or "have you got any soft drinks" and it didn't seem to register. Then again it wouldn't for a normal person as I got offered a second time and could see the hands automatically going for the wine bottles. That person was thinking they were being polite, welcoming and looking after their guest. In reality they were offering a substance which could kill the guest, but they were hardly throwing the party thinking "hmmm, an alchy might turn up so I won't offer anyone any alcohol".

Would be nice if alcohol wasn't so 'normal' in our society.

[Sunnyvalenting]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

I don't have any problem saying no thank you to even a pushy host or hostess. But I have also found that If I have a glass of liquid of any kind in my hand they are less likely to push. So the first thing I do at a party is get a glass with ice and fill it with soda water, ice tea, whatever and than walk around with it full. When people offer me anything I say no thanks, I'm fine. I rarely need to say more than that. It is often the host or hostess feels they are not doing their job if I don't have a glass in my hand. I don't take it personally. It is in our culture to offer alcohol. Also many people who don't entertain a lot don't understand this disorder and are only "pushing" it to lubricate the conversation and be hospitable.
Sunny

[Popeye]

'My not drinking bothers friends'

Last time I was out I was asked why I don't drink 'like everyone else'. I said it turns me into a loud, self-centred buffoon, 'like everyone else', at which the young man turned on his heel and left me with my lemonade.
As you can probably tell, I'm not the most tactful at times.
I find this part of the article expresses a very good point very well:

I couldn't figure out why the roommate kept bringing up my dryness that evening, but I suspect the threat of having a non-drinker in the midst is that, when folks are drinking together, everyone -- except the abstainer -- is going somewhere. Together. On a journey. Booze softens the edges. It massages the ache of unspoken words. It dissolves the perceived boundaries among people. When you're sober, especially if you want to stay that way, you have to be at peace with where you are. You have to believe you're already where you need to be.