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Out from Lurking...................

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    #1

    Out from Lurking...................

    I signed on to MWO on Sept. 25th. I started topo, the supps, exercise, tapes, and started reading this site. However, I have not posted much...I am a wait and see kind of guy...and I am finally ready to come out of my freakin closet...and my skin...........you guys lay it out there each and every day...I keep it in...I guess that is one excuse that I have used to drink two bottles of wine for so many nights for a lot of years...but now it is my turn to not make excuses...and to own up to the real reasons why I drink...a new member said it best this week...Mighty Mouse..."to relax." When I drink....I give myself permission to relax as well. But my glass can never been empty....It is a constant fear....that is why the topo is starting to work for me...but I need to up my dose as I build up the tolerance for it as I have done for wine over the years....but most of all I need to be willing to be ready to expose myself to these forums and friends here on a daily basis if I am going to experience any real growth...I feel like I am starting to slide.......I need support from others...So tomorrow I go up on the topo...and yes....my ultimate fear...is that I will not follow through with this program....However, I now know it is up to me to engage....and be here for the long haul...I am tired as hell of being a highly functioning wino. Ready for the next productive phase of my life.
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    #2
    Out from Lurking...................

    Hi Steverino,

    ... scarily exciting, isn't it? Bring on the next productive phase!

    Tawny

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      #3
      Out from Lurking...................

      Hi Steverino

      Good on you for making this first step... hang in there and stay with us and keep visiting everyday... we understand.... "Been there... Done That"... We are all proud of you for making the step to be here.

      Wattle
      Failure is not the falling down... it's the staying down

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        #4
        Out from Lurking...................

        Good revelation Stevarino! I have found one of the hardest things to do is to really open up to anyone. I think it must be a symtom of our problem. So many of us here tend to be so "self-sufficient" that we think we can do this all alone - me for one. I drift away from here from time to time (for a few days only..) and then realize the support really helps. Like you, it's hard for me to open up my feelings to others. Let's keep working on it!
        Trish In Omaha

        Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: I think it can best be said..."The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
        Sidda: Well, what about the road back? What's that paved with?
        Shepard James 'Shep' Walker        : Humility.

        "Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood        "

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          #5
          Out from Lurking...................

          Hey Steverino!
          I've seen you around...great to hear you being honest and putting a commitment out there. It helps. Please just continue to let us know what you need in the way of support.
          How are you doing on the topa?
          Thanks for being so honest and allowing us to get to understand your situation a bit better. You can do this! You sound more than ready and already well into changing things. Great job!
          Another Official "welcome" to you! All the Best.

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            #6
            Out from Lurking...................

            Hi Steverino ...

            I'm one of the newbes here and on boy can I realteto the "highly funtional wino" ...

            How are you finding the Topa to be so far? I have read some tough side effects .. how are you doing with it so far? I have some fears about being "spacy" .. which I cannot afford to be at this time of year ..

            Welcome to the forums ... I guess I can say that even this is only Day 8 of moderation for me!

            WaitingToExhale

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              #7
              Out from Lurking...................

              HI

              Hi Steverino --

              I read your post and felt like it was something I might have written. It's funny how much we all have in common when, at least for me, I thought noone could possibly know how I felt and what I did. Its a relief actually.

              And I too am tired of being a highly functioning wino! Its EXHAUSTING. Haven't tried Topa but will be anxious to hear how it works for you. Cannot afford even a little fogginess right now.

              Welcome -- I'n new too BTW....
              Hawk

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                #8
                Out from Lurking...................

                Thanks for the feedback. It means so much to have this kind of support with folks who are walking in my shoes as well. A few of you asked how I was doing on the topo. Well, I started 5 weeks ago at 25 mg.-wk. 1 and went up 25 mg. per week. However, when I started week 4 at 100, it was making me too loopy and I was not productive with my work and even had trouble driving. I am a commercial real estate broker and that was a real problem. I have a lot of indian blood in me though. A lot of prescription medication that says causes you to be sleepy makes me have the opposite reaction such as speed and feel very irritable. I was coming out of my skin at 100 mg. So, I backed down to 50 mg. and it seemed to work with the cravings. However, it is not working now. So today, I am going to start back up on my dose. The trade off is worth it for me. This morning is the 1st hangover I have had in 5 weeks. It sucks!!!!! Any advice of your experiences of doping up with topo would be greatly appreciated. I guess my body just needs to get used to it.

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                  #9
                  Out from Lurking...................

                  Hi Sterverino
                  I was a highly functioning beero. That was 5 months ago. Not that its easy. But ya just keep on trying each day and before ya know it....you have some time under your belt. You can do it.
                  Gabby :flower:

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                    #10
                    Out from Lurking...................

                    Steverino,
                    I think you're on to it with the topa. I've found to adjust my dose a smidge as necessary (ie: getting too foggy/ loopy, back off, not helping with cravings, up a bit) had been working for me these last several wks. I stay at a certain dosage for several days to make sure I'm not messing with the titration too much and putting myself at risk for any further side effects. I was up to 125 which was too much. Backed down to 100, and now down to 50mg as well, just in the afternoon, which seems to take the edge off. Will go up as necessary, but imagine staying between these levels will do it for me. Still not sure, but once again, whatever is working at the time!
                    Go up slowly with it, stay there as you were. Maybe stay there longer. I've even cut my 25mg tabs in half and gone up in 12.5mg increments.
                    good luck! Keep it up. Gotta keep it up...

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