Got a big social event coming up this week

[Mrs Donovan]

....this time it's a boozy wedding reception of one of the old booze gang that are my husbands old friends :no:

We're evening guests. I've already tried to get out of it but that disappointed hubby, so I've reluctantly agreed.

But I'm getting really nervous about it. This is different to when I got through my first social event at home a couple of weeks ago. I felt safe at home. This is effectively a night out with the old gang, some of whom I haven't seen in about 3 years - the drink is going to be flowing all night all around me and I'm going to be completely trapped in some hotel somewhere out in the middle of nowhere :upset:

I've decided I don't like feeling tested.

[Chillgirl]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Hey Mrs D - only you know how you feel, if it's going to be too difficult DONT GO.
You have nearly 3 months sobriety and have worked hard to get here, don't throw it away on a social event. You will really regret it.

Would your husband not understand? Especially if they are his buddies, you can say your sick and he can go without you. Honestly it's not a big deal so please don't fret about it.
Only go if you REALLY think you are strong enough to resist drinking, any doubts then forget it. This has to be your priority, stick with it and you will be glad you did, sending you a big :l and some special positive chill vibes.

[Mrs Donovan]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Thanks chill and sheri

yes being the designated driver was what I was thinking about but it's such a long way - about a 2 hour drive!

I've only just found out about it, hence the panicked post here! It's typical of my husband to just drop it in casually, 'oh by the way we're at so and so's wedding on friday'! WHAT?? Being a totally normal drinker he has no idea how terrifying that is for me right now!

Think I'm going to have to back out of it. It's sad but true - I'm just not ready yet.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Got a big social event coming up this week

If you dont feel comfortable then it is probably the right thing to do Mrs D. Time will come when its fine, but for now no point in tempting fate. The good part is you're recognising it now and deciding to take action to prevent a slip, well done.

[Mish]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Mrs D Run away...run away quickly
If you are as unsure and as uneasy as you appear to be just don't go!!!
Your progress and health are more important than any "disappointment" your husband might feel. What about your disappointment if you wake up sick and hungover and back to day 1.
You're still fragile. Be gentle with yourself.
:l

[greeneyes]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Mrs Donovan;962965 wrote: but it's such a long way - about a 2 hour drive!

Not as long as the 3 months of work you have behind you. Mrs D, did you go back and read the thread from that "last" event? I remember you were physically ill for about 2 days and equally disgusted with yourself. Then decide if it's a risk you really need to take. It sounds like your inner voice is actually shouting "NO" already.

[Mrs Donovan]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Thanks guys! Yes greenie I remember you were disappointed for me that last time!

And I have NEVER felt so awful as that time.

Husband's at work today. I'm going to say tonight that we're not going. I'm just not ready.

Thanks everyone - the reinforcement I needed, as always :h

[mollyka]

Got a big social event coming up this week

I absolutely agree with everyone who's already posted
I would only go to that do if the only worry I had about it was being bored - ANY threat to 3 months of sobriety is not to be countenanced. I reckon you need to sit down with hubs and tell him exactly how you feel and where you are in your head with alcohol. Non-alkies need it explained cos they just don't get it. If he doesn't understand -'off you go darlin on your own ' would be my response. There is NOTHING more important to us folks than sobriety, nothing should come even close.
Good luck with your decision - if you do decide to go have a very very big talk to yourself and put yourself in that 100% mindset - 'no, I WILL NOT drink'
Molly

[tired of this addiction]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Hello everyone, I find my self in the same situation as Mrs. D. I am to be at a weekend wedding this coming weekend that is 9 hours away! If I dont go, I will disappoint many but if I do go, I fear I could disappoint myself! This is only day 12 for me and I just dont think that I am ready to be that tempted. The wedding itself is a "wine" theme...just what I freakin need! I am going to try today to talk to my friend/date to see if I could back out of it but I fear his reaction. Not that he would ever tell me what he is feeling, but I will be able to see the disappointment and resentment (to my problem) written all over his face. Secondary to that, if I dont go will I sit home all next weekend regretting my decision and weakness? Arrrggg, so frustrated with this one!

[mollyka]

Got a big social event coming up this week

'Only' Day 12 Tired? Only you can know how hard won those 12 sober days were. I know my first couple of weeks I achieved thro blood sweat and tears. Ditto what I said to Mrs D. unless you KNOW you can not drink at that wedding I would not have gone - even now I would have to have a chat to myself - tho luckily now I think the worst thing I would face is boredom. Do the equation Tired and if it is Wedding=Drink, think very seriously about it. A bit of disappointment and resentment for your date -there will be plenty of times I'm sure that will happen, this time affects your sobriety.
Molly

[Mrs Donovan]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Thanks Molly and everyone

Have told him I'm not up for it. He's fine with it. Bit sad because there will be people there who will want to see me and who will be disappointed I didn't make it, but he understands thankfully. We'll fake me being ill.

Tiredofthis - yours sounds worse than mine - an actual wine theme, and 9 hours away! Well, I've bowed out of mine, I don't feel strong enough at 3 months sober yet. At 12 days, I would have caved. It's your call like Molly says, no one can do anything about it if you're 'ill' and can't make it 'unfortunately'.

[Dewdrop]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Hi Mrs D,

Just wanted to jump onboard and say I am so pleased for you and think you made the right decision, I bet you are feeling very relieved now. There is no point in putting temptation in your way if you can possibly avoid it.

:goodjob:

Dewdrop :h

[Chillgirl]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Tired of Addiction - I really dont like to disappoint people but weighing up a bit of a disappointment for your partner against you caving in and hating yourself is a no brainer!

Like Molly, i put my heart and soul into these 1st AF days and how I was feeling in a given situation had to take priority. Im learning to say NO now before I have to get to the excuses stage and yes, it does mean more staying at home but this doesnt make me feel weak. It actually gives me great comfort and strength to be doing what i want to do and not be in any situation where I feel obliged to others to have a good time.

[Doggygirl]

Got a big social event coming up this week

In order for me to quit drinking, I had to put my sobriety first and learn to say NO. You know what? Any disappointment my loved ones experienced as a result of me not going to a function could not possibly compare to the disappointment they had in me when I was drunk and embarrassing, nor the disappointment I had in myself when I relapsed and couldn't get back on the wagon.

I can only speak for my own husband, but for me it is FAR easier to "kiss and make up" with him than it was to get back on the wagon after a relapse. I'm not risking it!

DG

[Mrs Donovan]

Got a big social event coming up this week

Doggygirl;963401 wrote: In order for me to quit drinking, I had to put my sobriety first and learn to say NO. You know what? Any disappointment my loved ones experienced as a result of me not going to a function could not possibly compare to the disappointment they had in me when I was drunk and embarrassing, nor the disappointment I had in myself when I relapsed and couldn't get back on the wagon.

I can only speak for my own husband, but for me it is FAR easier to "kiss and make up" with him than it was to get back on the wagon after a relapse. I'm not risking it!

DG

Good point well made DG!

Dewdrop - yes feel totally relieved now and can relax. I was silly to get so worked up about it. I hope I can attend a wedding reception again, at some point in my life (if I get invited to one :H), but I'm not ready right now, it would be horrible.