why does relapse one being sober for a long

[spuddleduck]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

kota, i asked the very same question early on. i got to nearly 3 months sober and was loving it and was questioning why people 'lose it' again. well needless to say i found out. i totally agree about having to change your whole way of thinking about alcohol. i know damn well i feel much better sober, more able to deal with things and all in all 100% better mood. i cant anwer you question as im still falling into the stupid al trap but i do know for me its an attitude of mind thing im still working on it, but i know i will get there

[Peacefull]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

I have been thinking that it is because of trying to moderate, but in reality it is because I never dealt with why I drank - to drown my sorrow. I have dealt with and am dealing with it now. I think that is the key.

[Sunnyvalenting]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Kota asks a very important question and one which unfortunately doesn't have a really positive answer.
Relapse is VERY common among those attempting to quit. I think it safe to say that most "quitters" have multiple attempts before it "sticks". I, myself tried for several years before finally finding baclofen which, I believe, has cured me of the addiction. Using the word "cure" is controversial, I know, but important for me. Telling people, as does AA, that "rarely have we seen a person fail" and that those who do fail "cannot or will not be honest with themselves" is the worst of lies IMO. It is not true and further blames the alcohol dependent person for being alcohol dependent and relapsing! What a crock!
I have since learned that the most common cause of relapse is CRAVING. Therein lies the rationale for anti craving medications.
Furthermore there seem to be 3 scientifically based causes for relapse
1. Ingestion of ANY of the previously addictive substance. (This is a powerful argument for total abstinence.)
2. Exposure to the place, situations where the substance was abused. (An argument to avoid these as practical or "guard well as needed". and
3. Stress (an argument to learn stress reduction techniques such as meditation, prayer, exercise or whatever "floats your boat".)
It is interesting that this phenomenon also applies to other addictions such as nicotine. Most who eventually quit smoking have many prior attempts.
The key is to fail if necessary and pick yourself up and try again. Luckily I had promised my son that I might not succeed but I wouldn't stop trying. It finally worked! The last place I looked!
Best of luck on your journey to permanent abstinence.
Sunny

[kota]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Spud and Peace,
Regardless the people say if alcoholism is not curable so this is not a disease so no need to cure it.but as far I know it is a harmful substance so we need to be away from it. The more it is a slow poison and always better to teach our mind that why we are going to intake it? ? It is not a disease in the sense if someone dare to give up it doesnot need medicine to cure ,it goes itself from bodies. Please please stick with your conviction to be al free.My hugs to you.

Sunny,yea some tricks are suitable for someones and the others are for others.I know your trick coming here from your own experience so certainly effective to us. Many thanks that you made me more satisfied really.
Kota

[Doggygirl]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Sunny, I agree with you that craving is the reason for relapse. At least it was the reason for my relapse.

I realize that AA was not a good experience for you from several posts. I am one of the ones that AA has helped immensely. What I believe I have learned in AA is that I drank because as an alcoholic, I have an obsession to drink. Daily relief from the obsession is contingent upon spiritual fitness. Since I have worked on my spiritual fitness (and it's absolutley a "progress, not perfection" thing) that particular promise has come true for me. I'm sorry it didn't work that way for you. It's not "a crock" to me, any more than your experience with Bac is "a crock" to you.

I'm glad you have found success with Baclofen. I am so grateful that there are options in pursuit of sobriety. What works for you may not work for me. But maybe what works for someone else will work for me.

Kota, I agree with others that the important thing is not what the overall statistics are, but what is true for YOU. There are many, many people who successfully get sober, and stay sober for life. I keep my focus on those people and try to discover what they are doing to stay sober. Maybe if I do what they do, I will get what they got.

Strength and hope to you. It sounds like you are making progress!

DG

DG

[kota]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Doggy,
I really appreciate your courage and support to me and my collegues.your suggestion to stick on my conviction is sounds than knowing the statistic. Yea I must care myself, !

Sunny,Doggy could be right in case of AA meeting. I have tried a couple of meeting and found some of them are very proactive and influential and other just sharing and not caring so I suggest you to attend some more and find the suitable one for you.it really matters.
Kota

[kota]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Hi Doggy,
it's kota again!
I just wonder if you share the sober people succeful story and their living style if you have some you could PM me as well.
thanks in advance,
Kota

[Doggygirl]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Hi Kota. I am so blessed to know a whole lot of people with more than 10 years of continuous sobriety. They all tell me it's a one day at a time thing. Each day is a new day to either be productive, active and giving to the world around us, or to be self centered, full of self pity, and one step closer to drinking again.

Do you have an iPod? If you can download from the Apple iTunes store, there are a lot of free AA speakers you can download. It's inspiring to me to listen to success stories.

One man who helped me work some of the AA steps while I was between sponsors is about 35 years sober. He is such a positive and giving person - always reaching his hand out to help a struggling newcomer. He is dying of lung cancer right now. Under those circumstances, I could easily see myself throwing in the towel and saying "what the hell, I'm dying anyway" and drinking myself silly for whatever time I had left. Not him. He keeps on giving and reaching out to others. He is such a fabulous example of the kind of person I hope I can even come close to being some day.

My AA sponsor is a Nun who is 13 years sober. Yep. You can find enough alcohol to drink alcoholically ANYWHERE. Even in a convent. In addition to helping me learn the steps she shows me every day the difference between spirituality and religion. She has taught me that I can trust again.

There are lots of people here at My Way Out who have over a year of continuous sobriety. I hope you will find them and reach out to them. They all have something of value to offer. There are several Daily and Weekly threads in the Monthly Abstinence section of My Way Out. You will find some of these people there. (and in other sections as well!)

Lots of people are doing this. We can too.

DG

[Sunnyvalenting]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

DG,
It was rude of me to use the phrase "what a crock" and I apologize.
I do wonder, however, why they claim the following (starting in chapter 5): "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" when MANY people fail after sincere attempts to embrace the AA program. The same paragraph goes on to say that (those who fail) are usually "constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves and incapable of developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."
My delima in this is that if I fail to recover (which I did after several years of attempting to follow the 12 steps) then it is not only that I am an alcoholic but that I have a constitutional incapacity for honesty! It almost drove me to suicide thinking that there was no hope for someone like me. It is a catch 22 in which the AA book condescendingly dismisses those who fail at their program!
Furthermore the "program" is rigidly controlled with respect to content. There is absolutely nothing in their "approved literature" about some of the new science behind addiction and recovery. If a person were to only have access to AA, and this is the case for many alcohol dependent people, they would encounter a group and program which, while helping many, does not say to people "if you are having trouble here talk to your doctor or someone about adding a medical approach" .
I believe that is irresponsible.
With respect to baclofen use it is not a matter of faith. If it turns out to be "a crock" it will be because it failed to help sufficient people to justify its side effects or costs. It is at least scientifically based and the studies are being done with this and other drugs/ treatments which are subject to peer review and comment. AA doesn't do any of that type of research that I know of.
I am so glad that MWO encourages dialog about the many ways people have been helped. I just also want to empower those whom it did not.
Kota, I appreciate your thoughtful comments as well. Keep posting. Your goals are right on track.
All the best,
Sunny

[Doggygirl]

why does relapse one being sober for a long

Sunny, thanks for your thoughtful response. I can actually understand taking a wide variety of statements from the big book and calling them into question. I'm one of those people for whom the program has been a miracle. The obsession to drink is gone, and the intense fear of relapse (the reason I went there in the first place) is gone. I really don't know why it works for me but it does, and does for many people.

And it doesn't for many people. Addiction is so frustrating because nothing seems to work well in high percentages for the masses of people who need help.

As far as a more modern outlook in AA, (i.e. willingness to incorporate more modern support with meds, more modern literature etc.) there ARE people and groups who are more progressive. And of course others that are very much traditionalists. There are so many people and groups in AA that I seem to be encountering a very wide variety. I think if I took a poll of the people I attend various meetings with about the top 10 things about AA that helps them stay sober, I know the fellowship itself would be high on the results list.

I do believe that in my own case, rigorous honesty with myself and others has been critical to my success. My BS ran deeper than the grand canyon regarding anything to do with my drinking.

I go back to the previous post point that it is such a blessing that at MWO, we can discuss a wide variety of methods and any mixing / matching that works. The important thing is that we each find our way to sobriety.

DG