message to moderator

[spuddleduck]

hi guys. now i dont want you to think im a drama queen but this has been praying on my mind all day.
those of you who know me will know im mostly a fairly tough duckie and jump straight back on board when ive messed up. my little 'incident' with mwo helped me to stick my head right back in the bottle the next day which i havent done for a long long while. with this in mind ive really felt the need to post this to the forum moderator(s). im lucky that i had support in person, on the phone and on here (yeah you know who you are, and thanks)
this is such a wonderful support and lifeline that i wonder if someone had come here without any other support how would they have felt. if they were feeling 'on the edge' perhaps it could tip them over. i know cos ive been there, it can take one little thing to just be too much too cope with and i would never want MWO to be that little thing.
i dont think i could have slept tonight without doing something about it.
anyway, new day, new week and its gonna be a good sober one for me.
and thanks for your patience with a quacky duck


post to forum moderator:-

ive thought long and hard about posting this as i dont like confrontation and i dont want to cause anymore drama, but the more i think about it i feel it is important.

although im mostly doing wel,l on thursday i drank and came on the board drunk. most of my writing was incoherent with some swearing. needless to say i woke the next day feeling awful and sensitive due to some personal matters and it took a while for me to pluck up the courage to come on the boards to apologise.
i was welcomed by a pm from the help desk saying they had pms about my behaviour and asking me not to post drunk. i hadnt been offensive, just drunk and i do apologise for that. the reason for posting now is in concern for others.
all that happened is i got very upset and put my head back in the bottle (which i havent done the next day since being here)

i was upset, i was sensitive but i had support, in person, here from members and by phone. if i had not had this support, been alone, mentally unstable, who knows what could have happened...... it wouldnt be the first time we have had serious upsetting things happen here. i presume my posts hadnt been read by the help desk as they apparently are here for technical support leaving other business to the moderator(s).
i dont think this response helped me or anyone else for that matter and had i been a less strong person, or myself in a less strong moment, maybe the consequences could have been disastrous.

thankfully ive had lots of support from my friends here who i comunicate with daily, and want to put this behind me, but i really feel this needs to be addressed for future situations, which with the nature of this site im sure will happen.

i do hope you will take this on board and a response would be appreciated. and please read my original posts re; behaviour

thanks

[Doggygirl]

message to moderator

Spuds, I hope you can let this go. It's beginning to sound like us alkies can't be expected to be perfect, but somehow the forum owners and admins are supposed to be mistake free?

I used to blame others for my drinking. As long as I kept expecting the rest of the world to behave exactly as I expected, otherwise I would drink, I did a whole lot of drinking.

Forum admins don't make us drink. Alcoholism makes us drink. That is the battle we are fighting - with AL.

With respect and hope for all of our sobriety,

DG

[techie]

message to moderator

Spuds sometimes less is more. I know you went through a painful experience. What you posted whether innocent or caustic as viewed by the online community was captured by moderators. So what. Are you going to change that. No. The only thing you're going to change is your behavior. So move forward, do the duck walk, and know we all love you. I'm always here for you! John xoxoxo

[spuddleduck]

message to moderator

Doggygirl;967999 wrote: Spuds, I hope you can let this go. It's beginning to sound like us alkies can't be expected to be perfect, but somehow the forum owners and admins are supposed to be mistake free?

I used to blame others for my drinking. As long as I kept expecting the rest of the world to behave exactly as I expected, otherwise I would drink, I did a whole lot of drinking.

Forum admins don't make us drink. Alcoholism makes us drink. That is the battle we are fighting - with AL.

With respect and hope for all of our sobriety,

DG

hi doggy, i understand what youre saying but i think youve mis understood me. yes i know it was absolutely me who chose to drink... no ifs no buts not mwo or anyone else. it was me.no blame anywhere but in my hand.
my concern is that this could have had a far greater impact to someone more vulnerable than me. i dont expect anyone to be perfect and am so grateful for mwo and the people who make it possible
it troubles me because in the past when i was drinking heavily and was depressed i took insulin overdoses and ended up in hospital. not proud of this at all
if someone was in a desparate situation and was feeling that way this kind of thing could have an outcome that i would never want to happen to anyone because of a drunken misunderstanding.
i have let it go for me, im just trying to avoid any situation for others in the future.

[Ringing Cedars]

message to moderator

spuddleduck;968006 wrote: hi doggy, i understand what youre saying but i think youve mis understood me. yes i know it was absolutely me who chose to drink... no ifs no buts not mwo or anyone else. it was me.no blame anywhere but in my hand.
my concern is that this could have had a far greater impact to someone more vulnerable than me. i dont expect anyone to be perfect and am so grateful for mwo and the people who make it possible
it troubles me because in the past when i was drinking heavily and was depressed i took insulin overdoses and ended up in hospital. not proud of this at all
if someone was in a desparate situation and was feeling that way this kind of thing could have an outcome that i would never want to happen to anyone because of a drunken misunderstanding.
i have let it go for me, im just trying to avoid any situation for others in the future.

AMEN SPUDS:l

[Doggygirl]

message to moderator

This is a slippery slope Spuds. An admin could argue that drunk posting creates an atmosphere that drinking is OK, and that could lead vulnerable newly sober people to drink, in much the same way you are saying that a PM asking a person not to drunk post could lead a vulnerable newly sober person to drink. So who's right and who's wrong?

Bottom line is that at the end of the day, we are each responsible for our own sobriety. To place blame anywhere else is folly.

DG

[spuddleduck]

message to moderator

i think im missing something here. i thought i was doing the right thing in trying to avoid a future situation for someone.
and techie can you please tell me how my posting could be considered caustic. and im not being caustic in asking i just wanna know

[Ringing Cedars]

message to moderator

Doggygirl;967999 wrote: Spuds, I hope you can let this go. It's beginning to sound like us alkies can't be expected to be perfect, but somehow the forum owners and admins are supposed to be mistake free?

I used to blame others for my drinking. As long as I kept expecting the rest of the world to behave exactly as I expected, otherwise I would drink, I did a whole lot of drinking.

Forum admins don't make us drink. Alcoholism makes us drink. That is the battle we are fighting - with AL.

With respect and hope for all of our sobriety,

DG

Some of us think "choice" make us drink. Not that this makes any difference in making this site feel welcoming....

[spuddleduck]

message to moderator

doggy, i have said i am wrong, very very wrong for posting drunk. i cant apologise enough. i never ever express that drinking is ok. thats why i am here to sort MY PROBLEM out. if a post is going to be sent to people for behaviour issues maybe the posts should be read first before this decision is made.

[spuddleduck]

message to moderator

well i wish i hadnt bothered trying to help others. ill put my beak back in my feathers and try to sleep. its late here for lazy sleepy ducks. just had it on my mind all day.... not self centred just worried

[Ringing Cedars]

message to moderator

Oh boo I'm the one that should be sorry...Let me take it...

[fennel]

message to moderator

spuddleduck;968014 wrote: doggy, i have said i am wrong, very very wrong for posting drunk. i cant apologise enough. i never ever express that drinking is ok. thats why i am here to sort MY PROBLEM out. if a post is going to be sent to people for behaviour issues maybe the posts should be read first before this decision is made.

I know what you mean, spuds. Your posts didn't merit a reprimand. It seems that the mod who sent that message didn't actually look at what you were posting.

Perhaps you'd get some closure if you sent an email directly to MWO? I've always been answered when I've sent mail through the "contact us" link at the bottom of the page. Definitely worth a try, duckie. :l

[choice]

message to moderator

Hi Spuds,
I am very scared to post on any of your recent threads for fear of becoming an outcast. I read what the moderator wrote to you and I do not think it is nearly as offensive as what you wrote while drunk, or after. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or worse but every time you post about this pointing fingers at MWO for your actions angers me and I feel like leaving the sight all together. I don't want to though. I am hanging on to this sight as a life line myself. It is not helpful to get on a bandwagon of attack towards the moderator for me at this time. It's just my opinion. I wish you the best in moving forward from this so that the rest of anyone who doesn't agree with you can too. It's just my two cents for what it's worth. I do really like spuddle duck very much.
Sorry, Choice:new:

[KateH1]

message to moderator

I have to say that I agree with DG, Choice and Sheri, the message from the moderator was not harsh at all. Just a gentle reminder of the guidelines here at MWO. And yes, there must be guidelines or this place would turn into chaos and not be safe for anyone.

Also, we cannot protect people from themselves, particularly if they are drinking and self abusing. Sadly those that are unstable, need more help than a message board or website can offer. But, we can offer an honest, safe environment for those that come here, wanting to help themselves stop the madness of alcoholism. WMO has been the catalyst for many of us finding our way out. I am one of the grateful ones!

I truly hope that this is the last thread dealing with this matter!

Kate

[sapphire1]

message to moderator

spuddleduck;968021 wrote: well i wish i hadnt bothered trying to help others. ill put my beak back in my feathers and try to sleep. its late here for lazy sleepy ducks. just had it on my mind all day.... not self centred just worried

Spuds I am with you all the way. I felt so strongly about this that I sent a message to the moderators to register my disappointment and amazement over the whole incident. In the letter I said that if there was to be ban put on all drunken posts, then we all have to be issued with a breathalyser on our computers that register a certain BAL. I work in the fitness industry and so many times have had clients tell me that they thought they couldnt join the gym because they were too fat, too unfit etc. I then had to counter this by saying that that is exactly why you should join.....to improve all of these things. I see a few parallels with that excluded feeling when thinking about this situation...when people need help., they need it now, not tomorrow or the next day and so on. This is possibly one of the last bastions of unbiased, nonjudgmental assistance that many alkies can reach out to. Our doctors dont get it, our families and friends dont get it. We have to have a soft place to land when things are going tough. As far as others suggesting that new folk might think that is it is okay to drink because a senior member is struggling; weLL I am a newbie and my thoughts when I read your posts Spud were: concern for you, and then the realisation that we must remain vigilant at all times with this addiction and that this is for life. It reaffirmed for me that we are only one drink away from a drunk and in no way did it make me think that it was okay to drink....in other words it helped me to remain vivgilant. I dont care how many times I read drunken posts by members of here, I would never think it inappropriate. If the posts were nasty and hostile towards others, drunk or sober that should not be tolerated. Put another way, my girlfriend if a Lifeline Counsellor, she gets calls all through the night from people in all sorts of states; drunk, sober, drugged, hysterical etc. I put your situation to her and asked her professional opinion on the reaction that you received. 'She said, that the response was entirely inappropriate, and not at all in spirit of the aims and ethics of the helping organisation" in fact she was alarmed and appalled that you were treated that way. Enough said...Spuds I dont think that you are being overly sensitive or that you are blaming MWO for continuing to drink, but in your drunk state, that is how you would have reacted to the negativity....we all know that when drunk we react to situations in an entirely irrational and emotional way and this needs to kept in mind at all times. With you all the way Spuds