The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

[bird]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Hi all
Geez RC, how okd is she? That must have been a shock. Sorry about Wishbone T. Hey Trap, my kids dad was addicted to ativan and ate it like candy and drinking all the while....my kids were supposed to spend night out tonite, thought I would have place to myself but 1 didnt want to go so now I have to do the usual Fri which is go to coffee shop, oh well, keeps me out of trouble. Nuttin goin on, had rehearsal with jazz friends. Landlord got a new billy goat and boy does he have a funny voice. Later on

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

We are just a freaky, wonderful, loving crew.

[time2change]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

T
So sorry about wishbone.
Hello to all the rest of the shifters too.
I hope eeryone is doing well and has a great sober weekend!!!
Time

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Time! We've missed you, hon!

[TrappedDad]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

still truckin...

ok, well, i am on day two of trying to figure this thing out...

I am not sober today, but am drinking coffee for the time being. I have a goal of keeping it to one drink an hour tonight. my wife has to close our daycare tonight, so that doesn't help the temptations. of course i stocked my car with cabernet just in case...stupid i know. I just put the kids down for bed and thought i would ring in and tell you all how much i appreciate you all. I have tried AA, Church groups, family, and the dogs in my house for support and understanding, but non compare to you all!

Maybe I'll make it to the chat time tonight

[TrappedDad]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

btw, coffee tends to help with the cravings, but kills the sleep. I am still waiting on all the MWO "miracle" suppliments to show up gleaming on my doorstep...in the mean time, i'll have to rely on coffee and the occasional glass of wine till morning. at least i am not drinking my vodka. i have been vodka free for over a week! does that count????

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

OK, Trap, before you load your car next time, PM me, call me (I'll give you my #, several will). It's AMAZING the power of just not having it! Believe me, I've been there. Here, you can't buy al on Sunday, so I was ALWAYS sure it was in the house, and plenty of it, before closing on Sat night. If it wasn't, I was fine. Sober. No pacing, no worrying, no sneaking, just fine. So keep temptation out of your reach, thats a good step, OK? Don't enable YOURSELF!

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

TrappedDad;987578 wrote: btw, coffee tends to help with the cravings, but kills the sleep. I am still waiting on all the MWO "miracle" suppliments to show up gleaming on my doorstep...in the mean time, i'll have to rely on coffee and the occasional glass of wine till morning. at least i am not drinking my vodka. i have been vodka free for over a week! does that count????

EVERYTHING counts, hon.

[TrappedDad]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Ruby, i haven't been sober in over 20 years. i am really scared what will happen. the VERY few nights i have had al free was with the help of xanax/valium/ect... i am a research junkie and have myself convinced that i will go into DTs and die, although i have been to see a psych and general prac that told me otherwise. the only time i drink is between 5-10, but it is everyday without fail. it used to be vodka until my liver diagnosis, now i rely on wine, which for some crazy reason i think is better because of some unrelated study i read about a providence in Italy not having heart disease that they linked to drinking red wine. i know...i am crazy through and through. All i know right now is that i am only as sick as the secrets i keep and i am desparately trying to tell everyone in this group my secrets.

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Tell, Trap, if not here, you can PM me. I do not tell. I drank that long. Longer. Drink lots of water. Crazy as it sounds, its healthy, and I drink a shot of pure apple cider vinegar everyday. Research it. It's great. Before I had stomach pains, gastric upset, etc. Now, I have an appetite, feel better. I was dropping weight (which every woman loves! :H) but it was scaring me. Now, I eat. Cheerios is my other go-to. Healthy stuff. Throw yourself into looking how to make yourself healthy, but unload your heart, to God, and to another person. Don't ASK God for something. Ask for his will. Confess to him. And do NOT blame yourself, or think of yourself as weak, or different. This is 100 times more common than you know, probably among your friends. Work on you, hon. Then you will be who you want to be, and the best person to offer to you loved ones.

[sick of being sick]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Well, I am holding my breath! My internet has been out ever since I read this post of yours, Trapped and I have tried to post 3 x but it didn't work, so I'll be quick and catch up on all of you later if I can keep internet. Roger, I am so very sorry that you lost your dog. I know you, Sue and the boys are sad. Trapped, first of all, you are not in this alone. We all understand and we would do anything to help you. Clearly, you see that alcohol is killing you and it sounds like you really have a sweet family that you love and don't want to leave. You are spending way too much time and energy and stressing out over hiding your liquor. Get rid of that stress right now. Tell your wife the truth. You will immediately feel better without carrying around all that guilt. Your wife sounds very loving and wants to help you. She will still be proud of you for being honest. If I were you, I would go to another doctor about your liver and get a second opinion as to how to take care of the problem. Can you do that? I really think it will help you. Love you all, Vicki

TrappedDad;987253 wrote:

I definitely feel alone in all of this. I want to quit drinking and be a normal member of society so bad, but can't seem to get the nerve up to try. I started hiding my drinking from my wife about a month ago. About 60 days ago, I went to see my doctor because of anxiety and was diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on HBP meds plus Xanax for the panic attacks. She also did a blood test... The test came back that my liver enzymes were elevated more than 150 points and she wanted me to stop drinking and taking Tylenol for 30 days to rule out other things.

Well, I couldn't. I went back in and had another blood test and my enzyme levels were close to 400! She was VERY concerned and ordered some more tests and asked if i had quit drinking. I was honest with her, and that is when she referred me to a psychiatrist. The shrink prescribed me Atavan for the withdrawl period, and asked that my wife administer the drug to me each night when i had a craving. The first night I asked for 5 or 6 and they didn't seem to have any effect. I was on my 3rd movie of the night and she finally went to sleep. I chugged a bottle of wine, then quickly ate a pickle to disquise my breath. Took 1mg of Xanax and went to sleep. Over the next week, my wife would give me one less Atavan than the day before, still thinking I was not drinking. I started buying small bottles of wine and hiding them in my car, closet and garage. Now, I am so paranoid that she will find out, I have stripped my closet and garage from all suspects and only keep it in my car in a hidden compartment meant for tire jacks. I reload the compartment during lunch, take a very "back road" way home (so as to avoid any cops) and drink. Then i eat a bunch of breath mints before i walk in the door to kiss my wife and hug my kids. I then play with my sons, talk with my wife while she cooks dinner. I make a lot of excuses to go out to my car during the evening...check the mail, take the dogs out, etc...

What kills me is that most mornings she tells me how proud she is of me for not drinking so far. That is like getting punched in the gut everyday. I feel like i am spirialing further down everyday. I haven't commited to a plan yet, but am waiting for all the MWO stuff to arrive.

[sunshinedaisies]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Hi all - it is later than I usually post - worked til 3.30 but hubs was off today so we spent some time together - Trap - I wish SO much that you would be up front with your wife. You would feel better about it - I know that you would. She would much rather you were honest with her - your trying be to AF is hard enough without hiding it. You have to be honest in this - it is NOT easy - and for her to think it is is just silly. You need her support and instead of hiding it, you need to be up front and tell her the whole deal - just my opinion but if the situations were reversed, I would want to know - especially if it was me feeling guilty each morning when being told how proud proud she was of me. This is NOT easy Trap. If it was, this web site wouldn't be here. I have been struggling with this for nearly a year now. I am sure that I will eventually conquer it - but in the meantime I have the support of my hubs. Please re think your strategy re your wife. It would best be honest this early in the game. the Topa can take up to 6 weeks to work. that is a long time to keep something secret if you aren't used to keeping things secret from your wife. JUST MY OPINION.

And everyone else - Rog - I am SO SO sorry about your Dog - I feel your pain. I see me and Mags in your shoes not too far down the road and I hurt for you. I just want to bury my head in the sand. I know that you did the right thing, as I know that I will when the time is right - but it must be so hard - I feel for you and I send hugs and healing thoughts to you. They are our companions and our friends, with us through our bad times and good, loyal to the end. All they ask from us is love. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Know that I am with you in spirit and hugging you.

Hi to everyone else -

hugs too, love, Sun xx

[bird]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Hi all
Well I guess everyone is sleeping in. Trapped it will take awhile but one day being sober will feel more normal than drinking. Right now not having the car stocked up etc. can be anxiety filled. But what is the worst thing that could happen if you don't have it? This is what I ask myself. I will have terrible craving and feel like yelling or feel like I might destroy something. As it turns out I usually end up doing something productive around the house that may even be enjoyable. I don't end up yelling or smashing anything. It seems al is sort of a cushion, keeps us from feeling certain things, kills the pain whatever. I always try to think what is it I am feeling. How do I want to feel? What am I doing and feeling while drinking that is different from being sober? One day that boozed up feeling won't feel as good as it used to and the sober times feel better. Your brain has to get rewired........last night coffee shop owner puts up sign nobody under 16 allowed without parent. So I was the only parent up there and end up sitting outside with all the kids which was ok except after awhile it got cold. My kid did not like it much cuz there were a bunch of H.S. kids around cussing and smoking and yelling so I said maybe we could start going to dairy queen on fridays for a little social time that is nice. There is nothing here but the skating rink and it is pretty rough. Next fri trying to get them all to go to state park for haunted house and hayride. Maybe some of the parents will start coming with their kids to the coffee shop but I kinda doubt it. They just wanna drop em off and pick later.....later on...b

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

Bird, you've hit on a touchy subject with me - parental responsibility. Until they are out on their own, we OWE it to them to monitor where they are and what they do. Worked for me. Son said I knew what he did before he did it! My kids are great, hard-working, responsible adults, and give me credit for 'torturing' them. Never take anything for granted. Too many parents feel if they're not being called and annoyed about theirs, all is good. WRONG!
Woke up early, Hubs at work (SURPRISE) stayed under my antique quilts with a diet coke, 2 snuggling little dogs, and watched 'The Sixth Sense' again. Still a remarkable movie. Hubs may be off tomorrow, not holding my breath.
Rise and shine, lazy butts! MB must have been slammed, and Tony probably had family duties (good for you Tony). Love you all, please take a little time and enjoy the fall today, OK?

[rubywillow]

The Journey is here...Get your ass in gear !

And Rog, I posted to Anthony on FB where he posted a commemorative to Wishbone. This was the dog of his youth, and will remain on in his memories. :hug: