Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

[hazeleyes]

Hi All

I can understand the initial curiousity and social pressure to try alcohol at a young age. We all want to see and experience what everyone else is doing. But after many years of drinking, heavy drinking, hang overs, and seeing our lives controled by AL why do we continue to choose to drink.

I accept the cries of "AL is additive" and yet many of us have overcome the addition, even after years of abuse, and lived days AF. Some have even managed months, and years AF. So why do we return to the AL after stopping.

I think if we could solve this mystery and then figure out how to fill the void created when we stop, we could help so many on here.

Here are my thoughts
Why we go back to drinking:

• to add excitment or romance to our relationship
• because once expanded to the experience our minds want that feeling again
• its an easy way out for dealing with too much stress
• we have given up on pursuing goals and started to coast
• we believe the advertising hype that everyone else is having fun
• we choose to forget the bad experiencesI'm sure you could all add to this list but in reality they are rubbish reasons.
  
  OK so lets try another angle...How do we fill the void left when we do manage to stop drinking to ensure we never take it up again?
  Start a new relationshipCompletely change our life to something we do enjoyEat more delicious foodPursue a spiritual faith and ask for help from a higher powerTake up a difficult challenge to keep us mentally and physically exhaustedActually I have no idea...

If I knew the answer to this I would gladly share it with you. But here I am truly stumped so all you clever people who have discovered a new life AF long term...please help us all with the answers

Thanks heaps
Hazeleyes

[hippie37]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

I don't think it's just us 'alkies' that try to 'fix' ourselves. You only have to look at society at large to see that most people are blinkered in thinking that the way to true happiness is through materialism (by that I mean, never being content with what you have). Even when we find happiness by these means it's sometimes never enough because we wan't more of it. When we don't have it that's when we search for more of it in vain through relationships, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, food, wealth, exercise, religion etc.

I'm no different from the rest of society apart from the fact that my obsession to use alcohol and drugs was purely a way for me to change how I felt about myself. I'm not happy, so I'll have a drink. I'm happy, but I'm not happy enough so I'll have a drink. more, more, more constantly. I was never gonna be happy until I started looking at me rather than the rest of the world and thinking everybody's better off than me. I blamed everyone but myself for my own unhappiness and it was only when I started to look at myself and my own behaviours, attitudes and thinking that things started to change.

The answer is simple for me. Be of service to others and the rewards will come back tenfold. It takes me out of myself and my self pitying, self seeking and self serving ways which allows me at the same time to actually feel better about myself and to feel a 'part of' rather than isolated and cut off. I need to feel connected to this world even the insanity of which I am very much a part of. I find that through God consciousness and helping others.

Many Blessings
Phil
xx

[sunshinedaisies]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Phil - is it possible to PM you? You don't have that option on your profile.

Sun xx

[K9Lover]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Hi Hazeleyes,
Great post! I know that, for me, pursuing a spiritual faith has made a world of difference. Yes, I've been sober in the past, but I think I was "white-knuckling" it a lot. This time I am at peace with it. I've made a promise to myself and my higher power (which I believe to be God) to live a healthier, more constructive life. That doesn't mean I've turned into some boring Bible Thumper. LOL I'm enjoying life, friends and family...I'm just much happier without the burden of AL. That's my experience
K9

[hazeleyes]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Thank you Hippie, Sheri, and K9Lover.
I really appreciate your thoughts on this troubling subject that occupies my mind alot since deciding to quit again for good.
Much appreciated - I will think some more after your comments...
Hazeleyes

[dancelot]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Some things that help me -

Remembering what it really felt like - not that first warm glow that just doesn't last, but the throbbing headache, the nausea, the acid reflux, yucky greyish skin, and always being given the senior discount that one liquor store has every Wednesday (I'm not that old...).

Accepting myself as I am, at any given moment. Accepting that life is not always perfect, and sometimes there's nothing I can do, so fretting about it, or fighting something beyond my control is a huge waste of energy and creates more stress. Worrying doesn't help. Really. Using the wisdom found in the Serenity Prayer in any situation. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This pretty much covers anything, it really does.

Spirituality. There's a saying I love which I've heard before, and I came across again this morning - "Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell.... Spirituality is for people who have already been there." Whether one finds it through church or connecting to the universe or a higher power within yourself - I found it was a missing piece in my staying contentedly sober, and have made it a more integral part of my life, every day.

Being grateful every day for what I do have. Especially on a bad day, taking the time to list what I am grateful for, whether large or small, puts things into perspective.

Staying physically healthy - eat good, exercise, take your vitamins (and supplements if they help - I don't take them every day anymore, but keep them on hand - there are times a few L-Glute still come in handy).

Doing what's necessary to treat any underlying mental health issues if they aren't caused by AL alone or crappy lifestyle habits.

Keep on living - AL is not a necessity! It helped me to remember the fun parts of life before I ever tasted AL, when I was a kid - that's how far back I had to go - but it worked. Learning new habits took some time, but it really is not a big deal to not drink. "I don't drink." That's the new me, I accept it, I keep on living life. I think the biggest reason it was such a big deal before was because I placed more importance on AL than anything. It was the center of my world. Music sounds better, food tastes better, there are a million things that are wonderful and joyful and give so much more pleasure that I was missing most of when I was drinking.

[hazeleyes]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Thank you Dancelot for sharing such lovely, positive thoughts. Wonderful to have your insights and to know the process that you have used to get on track, and what your thinking was. Congratulations on your success. I too often think about the happy times of my childhood and pre-drinking days.
I hope to be able to share a similar positive story about my own life someday.
Thank you!
H

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Bump for a good thread.

[fennel]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

I really think there's something to that theory about a physical receptor in the brains of people who become alcoholic. I remember the euphoria I felt from my very first drink- and now, I have to believe that not everybody gets that same "kick", or else we'd all be alcoholics.
The fact that I have zero childhood traumas or other events in my life that would have caused me to drink myself silly also seems to bolster this theory, at least for me.

For me, there are huge rewards for drinking, at least initially. That flush of happiness from the first, second and even third drink...even if things devolve from there. I seem to have developed a selective memory that reinforces the memory of the "good" parts, and seriously downplays the grim and bad parts.

I first quit drinking when I was twenty-two years old, and I stayed "quit" for thirteen years. The reason I started drinking again was that I questioned whether I was truly alcoholic, as I quit with such ease the first time. I came to believe that my earlier drinking was just a common event for people in my age group, something that I would have outgrown anyway. I'm finding it much harder to quit this time. Now, drinking is so intertwined with fine dining, good times with friends, and the "fun" things in life. I'm on meds to prevent my drinking at the moment, but I have a real resistance to "never" drinking again. I can't imagine dining in a fine restaurant without good wine, etc. In fact, dining out is a huge trigger and something that must be avoided for the time being.

For me, it's not "why" I started drinking as much as how do I stay away from it now. I'm figuring it out as I go along.

[Ringing Cedars]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

It is a good thread. Can subscribers put some stars on it please??? I believe you had to be a subscriber to do that??

[rebirth]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Thanks RC for pointing this thread out. Definitely needs to be bumped up cause I need it!

I was initially going to say that I miss the buzz from alcohol but Sheri described this buzz very accurately. I forgot ! When I first drank I hated the taste and the effect of alcohol and I could not understand why people liked it! It made me nausceous, giddy, out of control and not fit for a proper conversation. It annoyed me when my girlfriends came over to my flat with a bottle of red and forced me to drink a glass ( what for??). How I have changed! Got to remember that it’s the addict in me that glamourizes drinking.

Great reminders.

[kota]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

We drink for glamour and altimately lurk in the hook.
To avoid void need to serve others!
That's all friend
Kota

[changemylife]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Wish I could have the gutz to end my current relationship and start a new one. Then, I would have excitement, I would feel better, I would feel worthy, I would feel proud, I would work hard, I would feel like me again... the excited, worthy, proud, hard working man I used to be.

[Sunnyvalenting]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

we drink due to alcohol dependence. During that dependence our "set point" for pleasure rose so that we needed higher and higher amounts just to feel normal.
Once we stop it takes awhile for normal good things to feel OK.
Often we are depressed and fantasies that our lives were better with al.
We often try to check out that theory or premis. It usually backfires on us and we find ourselves right back in the addiction again and further demoralized with each failed attempt. This is why I am for total abstinence and would encourage all to remember that most moderators fail. the fact that they want to learn how to moderate means they are al dependent and should abstain.
IMO
Sunny

[fennel]

Why do we drink and how do we fill the void when we stop

Bump.