i wanted to write my own toolbox, but didn't want to do it on paper where any persons mentioned or related to the list could find it or feel hurt by it. so here it is in my safe haven.
reasons to drink.
to block out my constant self loathing over my weight.
to block out abandonment issues as a child and as an adult.
to block the pain i feel about my autistic child.
reasons not to drink.
drinking will not change ANY of the above.
drinking is the cause of my weight. if i stop, i WILL lose weight.
my marriage will be stronger, any arguments are always caused by drinking. i say nasty things when i'm drunk, just for the drama and attention. things i don't mean. and hurt him. why would i do this, i love my husband.
to be a better mother to my two children. so they don't see the empty bottles on the bench in the morning. so mammy is not grouchy on a morning and impatient. so i put more effort in with my daughters autism.
to stop feeding my depression.
to stop feeding my anxiety.
to keep my skin unblemished before its too late.
to stop the feeling of guilt and self loathing that washes over me as soon as i open my eyes each day.
to perform at my best ability in the job i love.
to free my brain of this one track thinking. drink drink drink.
to stop my diarrhea.
to stop my stomach pains.
stop the fuzzy parts of the day between waking and drinking.
to be sure each time i drive i wont have al in my system from the night before.
to save approx ?280 a month which would pay for an annual family holiday, or a car, or anything the kids want or need. i grumble about buying them new clothes but think nothing of blowing ?10 a day in wine and beer. WTF?
to prevent liver or kidney damage or DEATH. should my kids lose their mother because i choose to drink every night?
to learn to love real life again and live it.
to be less selfish and be there for others who love me and help me everyday.
favourite al free drinks (any help with ideas would be good)
tea
coffee
blackcurrant juice
pomegranate and cranberry juice.
diet cola.
j20
horlicks.
triggers
feeling sressed - have a jaccuzzi bath instead
hating myself for my weight every day- i have to remember why this is!
depression- remember what feeds it!
time of day- around four o clock my resolve to not drink starts to wane and i find justifications to drink from around 8pm. eg "i've had a shitty day i DESERVE it.." how do i DESERVE all of the above? i DON'T. neither does anyone else.
other excuses to drink
"i haven't seen my hubby much, it'll be a nice cosy evening with a bottle of wine." when in reality, i'll fall asleep on the sofa plastered and he then has the arduous task of getting me to bed without getting a barrage of abuse.
a problem has arisen during the day. "i'll drink to relax/forget". in reality, it won't make the problem go away, it will still be ther and i'll be poorly to boot.
so thats it. my toolbox. my morning/tea time reading everyday. i'll add to it if i can think of more, as i'm sure there are lots more reasons to abstain. if anyone (if you've read this far, thankyou) has any tips or thought for me please post.
wow.... that was therapeutic!
reasons to drink.
to block out my constant self loathing over my weight.
to block out abandonment issues as a child and as an adult.
to block the pain i feel about my autistic child.
reasons not to drink.
drinking will not change ANY of the above.
drinking is the cause of my weight. if i stop, i WILL lose weight.
my marriage will be stronger, any arguments are always caused by drinking. i say nasty things when i'm drunk, just for the drama and attention. things i don't mean. and hurt him. why would i do this, i love my husband.
to be a better mother to my two children. so they don't see the empty bottles on the bench in the morning. so mammy is not grouchy on a morning and impatient. so i put more effort in with my daughters autism.
to stop feeding my depression.
to stop feeding my anxiety.
to keep my skin unblemished before its too late.
to stop the feeling of guilt and self loathing that washes over me as soon as i open my eyes each day.
to perform at my best ability in the job i love.
to free my brain of this one track thinking. drink drink drink.
to stop my diarrhea.
to stop my stomach pains.
stop the fuzzy parts of the day between waking and drinking.
to be sure each time i drive i wont have al in my system from the night before.
to save approx ?280 a month which would pay for an annual family holiday, or a car, or anything the kids want or need. i grumble about buying them new clothes but think nothing of blowing ?10 a day in wine and beer. WTF?
to prevent liver or kidney damage or DEATH. should my kids lose their mother because i choose to drink every night?
to learn to love real life again and live it.
to be less selfish and be there for others who love me and help me everyday.
favourite al free drinks (any help with ideas would be good)
tea
coffee
blackcurrant juice
pomegranate and cranberry juice.
diet cola.
j20
horlicks.
triggers
feeling sressed - have a jaccuzzi bath instead
hating myself for my weight every day- i have to remember why this is!
depression- remember what feeds it!
time of day- around four o clock my resolve to not drink starts to wane and i find justifications to drink from around 8pm. eg "i've had a shitty day i DESERVE it.." how do i DESERVE all of the above? i DON'T. neither does anyone else.
other excuses to drink
"i haven't seen my hubby much, it'll be a nice cosy evening with a bottle of wine." when in reality, i'll fall asleep on the sofa plastered and he then has the arduous task of getting me to bed without getting a barrage of abuse.
a problem has arisen during the day. "i'll drink to relax/forget". in reality, it won't make the problem go away, it will still be ther and i'll be poorly to boot.
so thats it. my toolbox. my morning/tea time reading everyday. i'll add to it if i can think of more, as i'm sure there are lots more reasons to abstain. if anyone (if you've read this far, thankyou) has any tips or thought for me please post.
wow.... that was therapeutic!
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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