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Is Depression Contagious?

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    #1

    Is Depression Contagious?

    Just throwing this question out there to see what people think.

    My wife has been depressed for many many years. Low self esteem which turns into poor self image which turns into eating and gaining excessive amount of weight. It is a vicious cycle. She does not drink anymore and is on medication. She seems to be making some progress but I am not hopeful because she wont go to therapy.

    Over the 15 years, I have tried so much to help her. Unfortunately, along the way, It has greatly affected me in a negative way. I don't blame her. I am in a position now where she realizes that I am in bad shape and she is finally trying to change.

    Unfortunately, for me, I think it is too late. We have really drifted apart. She is now always kissing and hugging me, telling me she loves me, etc but it stops there. I need more. There is very little intimacy because of her body issues. She never does anything that would resemble sexy. I spent so much time/money over the years to help her feel better about herself. I would always go out of my way to make her feel comfortable.

    Now, I understand that there is nothing I can do to help her and it brings me a feeling of being hopeless. I am in therapy and can't seem to get back on track. AL doesn't help. I started smoking again (she never quit) and feel terrible. I just cant see a happy future with me faking all my emotions. We are basically roommates now. All the years living with this has really brought me down.

    So I ask, Did the years of her being depressed take a toll on me and contribute to my depression? I always had to be the strong one to take care of everything. Now, I am struggling to even get anything done.

    I really feel that if I was able to start over, I could become healthy again. Leave the past, and start new learning from all my mistakes. Unfortunately, it involves hurting her and the family.

    I just dont know what to do. Continue being miserable with someone else or be miserable by myself and try to work on things without any outside interference other than the day to day BS.

    Screw it. i'm hitting submit Any advice would be helpful
    Starting over again 09/06/11

    "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

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    #2
    Is Depression Contagious?

    Change, I wanted to post to give you my support. I know how hard it was to hit submit. I will have to think about this question more before I post anything that might resemble advice. :l

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      #3
      Is Depression Contagious?

      Thanks Tippy, Its nice to know someone is out there reading my post.
      Starting over again 09/06/11

      "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

      sigpic

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        #4
        Is Depression Contagious?

        Change - It sound like you have done an amazing job over the years helping and supporting your wife. I dont know about contagious but its completely natural for us all to be affected by the moods of those around us. Its the reason we feel drawn to happy positive people because they make us feel good.

        This said I do believe that if we are happy within ourselves we can overcome the negativity of others and positive energy does in fact calabrate at a higher frequency than negative energy. From this perspective, when we are in a very good state of mind we are capable of raising the low energy of others. That is why collective consciousness works and why it is important as individual to practice positivity as we do directly affect our environment.

        I think there are two separate issues here, 1. whether you want to continue with your marriage and 2. getting yourself sorted out. Thinking that by leaving will sort all your problems may not prove to be the case and perhaps you could firstly work on improving your own situation. AL never makes anything better and if you can get some AF time under your belt things are bound to look brighter. Then you could tackle the smoking and taking exercise is also a great way to combat feeling down.

        Sorry if I've gone on a bit here, I hope this helps.

        Chill x
        "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
        AF - JAN 1st 2010
        NF - May 1996

        Comment

          #5
          Is Depression Contagious?

          Words of wisdom Chill. Well said! I don't think I would change a thing about your suggestions. Sending out positive energy now! Change--:l

          Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


          St. Francis of Assisi

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            #6
            Is Depression Contagious?

            I agree with Chill. I know when I was with my first hubby I became increasingly depressed. He was NOT depressed, himself, he has to much ego to not feel good, if that makes sense. I had to go to therapy, figure out all the whys of why I was depressed, it was not just my marriage (although it definitely was a major component). When I started feeling stronger then I was able to make the decision that was best for both of us. That's my two cents.

            Comment

              #7
              Is Depression Contagious?

              Change
              you deserve to be happy...I would consider talking to a therapist on your own for a few times to clear the fog out of your head and that may help you decide what you need to do.....
              Negative people will drag you down, there is no doubt. But ending a marriage is hard too, especially if there are children and property involved...
              I love my family more than alcohol.:h
              Live in the Solution....not the problem

              Comment

                #8
                Is Depression Contagious?

                Chillgirl;975924 wrote:
                I think there are two separate issues here, 1. whether you want to continue with your marriage and 2. getting yourself sorted out. Thinking that by leaving will sort all your problems may not prove to be the case and perhaps you could firstly work on improving your own situation. AL never makes anything better and if you can get some AF time under your belt things are bound to look brighter. Then you could tackle the smoking and taking exercise is also a great way to combat feeling down.

                Sorry if I've gone on a bit here, I hope this helps.

                Chill x
                Excellent advice.

                I'd recommend couples counseling, too.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Is Depression Contagious?

                  I have been lurking, reading posts, not getting anything done, trying to sort out so many things in my head. It is a roller coaster. I am gearing up to make another AF run. I am also gearing up to have another long talk with my wife in which I just get it all off my chest. We are both at fault for a lot of things. I need to do this soon because I just cant live my life this way. I was so happy being AF. I did my own thing and didn't worry about her. Unfortunately, being alone all the time takes a toll on a person. Even worse, being alone but not alone... All you want is to do is share yourself with that special someone and feed off each other.

                  So the plan is to get my head screwed on straight. Get everything out in the open and stay positive. Honestly, I feel like I have wasted many years of my life but I cann not change that, I can only look to the future.

                  Oh, and one more thing. This is going to Suck
                  Starting over again 09/06/11

                  "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

                  sigpic

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Is Depression Contagious?

                    Well, I have been off the bottle more than on in the last week. I feel much better.

                    I went to the gastroenerologist today and he sent me for many tests. Blood, ultrasound, x-ray, and endoscopy. I am not looking forward to this and kind of feel a little nervous.

                    I am happy that I am taking the steps to find out what is going on. If everything checks out OK, I will feel better. If something is wrong, at least I know what I got to do to fix it. It is just the sitting and waiting that sucks.

                    Things at home have been ok. Better than they were.
                    Starting over again 09/06/11

                    "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

                    sigpic

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                      #11
                      Is Depression Contagious?

                      I think depression is totally contagious and in the next ten years, (which is how long it takes for the medical system to catch up). It will be announced suddenly on the news. It's just that depending on where we are we may not get it.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Is Depression Contagious?

                        Hello Change.
                        I know your original post was some time ago now, but this thread just really struck me.

                        Firstly I am so glad that you are going head to head with your underlying physical problems (and hopefully there aren't any)

                        Regarding the depression issue, I have been in both positions. You have been very good and supportive to your wife it seems, and that's an advantage I myself didn't have.

                        I think it is inevitable that if you are in a relationship with someone, that their behaviour and mood must effect you. No question.

                        My point is that life is too short, and we can only do so much for another person. We owe it to ourselves to get on with our own lives. We CAN help other people without over identifying. But there comes a time to gently move on.

                        It's almost like the basic tenets of first aid. We MUST look after ourselves first, otherwise we are of no use to anyone.

                        You don't want to stick around and become resentful. That's the end for BOTH of you.

                        The very best of everything.
                        Bridget
                        If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
                        Rejoined life 20/5/19

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Is Depression Contagious?

                          it is very difficult to assess depression and make good choices while still drinking. There is a high incidence of dual diagnosis of depression and alcohol dependence. You describe feeling well when last AF. You also describe feeling better having had a few AF days this past week. Only a long period AF will show whether you have developed a clinical depression in addition to your alcohol dependency. Once AF you will also be in a better position to accurately assess your marital and family strengths and weaknesses.
                          Depression in a loved one is a chronic stressor but cannot/should not be used as an excuse to drink (although I think we all are tempted to do that to some extent I know that I did).
                          Good luck on this tricky walk. I hope the medical tests are reassuring.
                          All the best
                          Sunny

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Is Depression Contagious?

                            Reported.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Is Depression Contagious?

                              Both of them

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