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**Newyear** · November 4, 2006, 10:33 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Hi Em-
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. Sounds like you have many stressful things going on in your life right now. Glad you are looking for help - keep doing that and you will find what works for you. Do you have someone who could go with you to AA? Might be something to look in to.
Just don't give up or give in just yet - ok? Take care of yourself first- you can worry about the world later. Take care of you first.
Hope you stay here no matter what you decide - I think it helps just to have a place to post or just read.
Sleep well - hope things seem better in the morning.
:l Lisa

**Guest** · November 4, 2006, 10:50 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em,

All of us when we get here have that overwhelmed feeling. Its common to all of us no matter what our politics are.. it crosses all boundaries.. rich/poor.. white/black.. its the ONLY reason why we are here and I'd say that if as a board we stay focused on that and dont let other stuff in.. then this board CAN be amazingly helpful.

Emotions around drinking run high sometimes (know this from my personal experience here).. and sometimes we just have to let time pass and things settle down. I know I run hot on some issues too.. its just human. And may I say, well done for you coming back if you took whatever happened so hard.. (I must have missed that one!!)

Question is... why do YOU come here. If you come here to get sober.. what else are you prepared to do to assist that.. no matter what other people say about some irrelevant (to this board) topic here like politics.... this place is about drinking. People here are very forgiving, if that is required - and i'm not saying it is.... but i'd say dont worry about the past.. if you are here to get sober.. thats what you need to focus on..

Its not a program that can get you sober. Its YOU. The program will support your sobriety.. but the question is do you want to sip that nice wine when it makes you feel like THIS? I CANNOT believe that your answer is that you WANT the wine... not consciously.

As to what you need in YOUR program, for your way out.. that really is for you to decide. Making that decision is very hard when you feel low and it can help to use a program that someelse puts out there... such as my way out. I'd say, as I said only earlier today.. the elements of the program are:

watch what you eat and put in your body and you may need supplements for this
exercise... religiously
have some reflection in your life.. like hypno.. counselling etc.

some people find medication helps them start this or their program.

Taking topa is not something I"d ever take to make amends with other people.. its only something i'd take if I had done the research myself and thought it was worth the risks.. and thought would help me.
Some people on the board DO take topa.. many do not.. only you can make that decision for yourself.

Of COURSE you CAN beat this demon. Others have and you have amasing qualities in you that light up your life.. you are alive.. you can think and act.. you hold a job.. so you are not starting with NOTHING.. you are starting with something and on top of that you WANT to beat this demon.. so you ARE on your way.

I'd say post (about drinking) and read.. and get down and do it.. choose a start day and go for it... and once you have decided that day.. tell someone you know (someone close) and stick to it as if your life depends on it.

I did that a year ago.. and if I can do that and stay sober, I can tell you that you can... cos i'm not in any way special at all.. just human like everyone else.

Brigid
and good luck.

**Guest** · November 5, 2006, 02:52 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

beating the demon

AA is not the worst thing in the world. The worst thing in the world is continuing on in misery. AA has helped me tremendously. I kicked and screamed the whole way there (just like everyone else that is there)--but it has become a blessing. AA is not about not drinking--its about learning a way to live that takes away the need for alcohol. Its worth a shot. Make a point to talk with another woman there. Remember she has been where you are--and I am sure has heard much worse. Best to you.

**Guest** · November 5, 2006, 03:14 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em,
Kim is spot on here.... and i might add that while I didnt do AA, I would, if that was what it took to get me sober. I have 'met' several people on this board who have combined AA with other things that support their sobriety.. I reckon the talking to others who have 'been there' or 'are there' with you is a powerful thing indeed... and AA is expert at that.

Good luck.
Brigid

**trishinnebraska** · November 5, 2006, 07:16 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Good morning Em

Em -

I've sent you a private e-mail. Please read and reply if you feel like it.

Lots of love and hang in there!

Trish

**gabby** · November 5, 2006, 08:11 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em, I remember you from the begining. I am glad you back. I agree with Brigid, Kim and Trish. I know you can do it Em. Its been a year of abs for Brigid. 3 months for Kim. Trish does mods. And I am 5 months of abs for me. Just get back up on you feet and give it anther go until ya get it. You have support here, but you have to do it yourself. We love ya Em.

**GratefulEm** · November 5, 2006, 09:54 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

I thank you all for your very solid and caring advice. I've actually copied and pasted some of them into a word document to print out and carry with me. I do feel overwhelmed, to put it mildly and the advice to take care of myself brought some tears. When I read those words it gave me permission to actually name how overwhelmed I feel. Just this morning, I'm sitting on the couch with over 100 student notebooks to correct (on a Sunday). I have to have all my quarter grades for 120 students done by Tuesday, be prepared for classes on those two days, get through 11 hour days on Wed. and Thurs., because of meetings, prepare to teach a class to teachers for Thurs., pack to go see my mother who is 3 hours away on the weekend. She has Parkinsons and is rapidly declining - she spent an entire night on the floor after she fell. I worry about my son every day with all the escalating violence in Iraq. I should go visit my 91 year old mother-in-law today to see if she needs anything, then I'm looking at the house that needs to be picked up. I want time to exercise and to go see my friends and go on a trailride (think I'll do that one for me!) And now I'm feeling guilty for skipping church this morning. And most of all I want to get this drinking under control.
Phew! For today I'm taking the supps and am feeling that I really need to give the kudzu more of a chance. It sits in my cupboard and I occassionally think - "oh that silly plant." Guess I need to haul it out onto the counter and get disciplined about taking it and the other supps. I do the AllOne every morning religiously, but that's about it. No, I can't see returning to the topa. Not during the school year. It's good to unload. Thanks all. Em

**southernbelle47** · November 5, 2006, 10:21 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Hi Em,
I'm so glad that you are back! I've missed you!

I have often wondered why I have gone through some of the "hard" places in my life. The hardest being my son in Iraq and now the struggle to stop drinking.
When I read your post about your son going there, something clicked in my head and I HAD to answer you. It connected us. A wise woman once said to me: "I don't want a close friend who has never been through something ". She meant some kind of life changing experience. That is what we're here for. To change our lives for the better and then to reach out and be able to say "I know how that feels".
May God bless you in this great time of need.
My verse was and is "Be still and know that I AM God".
PS.46:10

Cry out to Him.
He will be there.
Nancy:l
ps. I've also been through the "taking care of mom" thing! Thank God it didn't all happen at one time though! :O)

**happycamper68** · November 5, 2006, 11:13 AM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

HI Grateful,

You are kicking yourself way too hard about the comments you made on the boards. I think everyone has long forgotten about them and there have been far worse than yours.
As for the Topa, I had a terrible time with it in the beginning, made me tired cranky and all that, almost stopped taking it but I hung in and the side effects went away. Your "nastiness" as you call it may be outside of the Topa anyway. Your kid is in Iraq anyone would be nasty.

Another thing about the Topa, it's really not meant for abstinence it's meant for moderation, so again, don't kick yourself for drinking on it because that's really what it's meant for. The hope is that you'll drink less with your own inner strength, the program, the supps, and the support from everyone here. If you really want to quit and take a drug to help you there are others for that like Campral, Naltrexone, etc, where you can find in the research area of the site. Don't leave silly you're having a bad time of it. I totally support therapy and if you want to try AA as well (I wouldn't but I have my own issues with it), I think whatever works go for it, but you can still come here too. Camper.

**Saint Jude** · November 5, 2006, 02:51 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Welcome back Em! Good to see you. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, but with a bit of support and a lot of determination, we'll all get there together... :l .

Glad to see you back. You (We) can do this.:h Peace & prayers,

Judie

**Guest** · November 5, 2006, 04:34 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em,
I can hear the relief in your post...

I'm so proud that you came back.. that took some CHARACTER.. and didnt people say lovely things to you.. and wasnt that nice?

well done.
brigid

**GratefulEm** · November 5, 2006, 05:35 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Yes, I do feel better. This fall has been a learning experience for me. I again must say that I appreciate the feedback. I AM too hard on myself and have to learn to stop whipping "me" so much. This is a rich community in so many ways. I really need to give this another chance. I liked the advice to just focus on the drinking. I can talk about that on here and I guess I do need to realize I have to let go of alot. When I emailed my son in Iraq that I worry about him all the time, he emailed back that I need to stop worrying about what I can't control. I guess that says it! For now, I have to take care of myself. I AM back and I hope with some new found humility. Em

**Guest** · November 5, 2006, 05:46 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Well, Em, if you are solid on trying to stop out of control drinking then this community will be even richer.

Remember, there are various parts to this forum.. find the part that SUPPORTS you and dont worry about the other parts.. you will find you make connections with people that are very helpful.

Hearing about what others are doing is very powerful......... I found it powerful to read your post yesterday.. that honesty is compelling.

brigid

**lushy** · November 5, 2006, 06:03 PM

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Well said Brigid. There are a lot of different things that go on around here, funny, sad, happy, mad. We all need to choose what we want out of it and then focus on those parts, or a little of all of the above. I am glad you are back Em. We are glad to have you.

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