risks

[Chillgirl]

risks

waterboy;977403 wrote: Is it the alcohol that is killing me or is it me that is trying to? I think I need to give this more thought.

Waterboy - you can give this all the thought in the world but until you ditch the booze you will never actually know the answer. I had extreme suicidal thoughts before I quit and it turns out it was totally and utterly the booze talking and had nothing to do with my rational mind. Isn't it worth finding out?

AL makes mountains out of molehills, it distorts reality so much, you only see life through an alcoholic haze and when we are hungover everything looks black. Once your AF everything is so much clearer, it's like getting new eyes, the whole world looks different!

Have you read Allen Carr "the Easyway to stop drinking"? you might find it helpful.

[waterboy]

risks

I should add I've had alcohol issues most of my adult life and actually gave it up for nearly a year. I know that it's shit... and it is a stupid alternative to authentic living. The trouble is when living is more shit than the drink. I apologize for these musings; excuses to not give it up. I wish I was a child again and life wasn't so complex. I hate being an adult and all that entails. I despise the way adulthood is viewed as the central state of human existence and the sobriety of childhood is perpetuated (yes by our western governments for all you obedient people) as consumer-unfriendly unless you go to the cinema.

This world is wrong, not us. We done nothing wrong. We jusy bought into the idea that drinking this bleach is virtuous because it fuels the economy, or everybody else does it and how it makes us not think about how wrong things are. How did clubbing and alcohol take away my desire for a healthy life? Our society put us here, not us. I don't care if you don't agree with this point. I will blame all contributing factors and not exclusively take sole responsibility for such a complex problem as my "alcoholism."

It is time virtue was not a primal reaction. The media should be held accountable for its treatment of virtue and gender expectations. I want the media to stop pushing the delusional shit it backs for its revenue from alcohol companies or their parent (hahaha) companies; to say that drinking is not cool and that its ok for women to be stoic and men to cry; to acknowledge the part it plays in the destruction of people and families!!

Surely all these myths have influence on our sense of self? Surely they perpetuate, somehow, the sustained delusion of our self blame/low self-esteem?

So I am a lunatic for getting off the subject of my alcohol problem? Trying to get to the bottom of my illness...

[rubywillow]

risks

What's actually, naturally, instinctive, is to survive. Outside influences dull that instinct, and AL makes it hard to feel 'real'. If we don't overthink it, don't work too hard on the mind games, just go with what our body wants, our mind needs, it's much less uncomplicated.
We can find a zillion things to blame for our human condition. What's the point? Finding those reasons to live a life we actually enjoy is so much easier.
I wish you well. Just stop looking at 'why', and learn to adjust to 'how' your life can be better. Your life is finite, your hopes and plans can be infinite. Try to look at the positive, otherwise we chase our tail till we turn to butter, right?

[waterboy]

risks

I agree rubyw: what is natural is the will to survive and outside influences alter this in the context of the alcoholic. This leads to another important question: how do we find alternative coping mechnisms for our miseries in life when alcohol seems the only option?

[waterboy]

risks

Chillgirl, I picked up Allen Carr's Easyway to Control Alcohol. Is this the same book as Easyway to Stop Drinking?

32 pages into the former and so far finding it a strange read and quite vague. I hope it starts to really look at things directly because I find little relevance in it so far.

[waterboy]

risks

Just found an interesting quote:

"Part of the ingenuity of any addictive drug is to fool you into believing that...you'll be less able to cope with stress." p. 36

[ChickenNumber3]

risks

So true Waterboy, I just had one of my more stressful days in life, since going af.....the actual thought went through my head of..."oh, I'm not drinking, how am I going to make myself feel better after this awful day, how will I de-stress and recover from the fall-out of the day.....?"it almost felt like a panic attack of...what do I do now with this stress and then I just kind of sat with it and let the stress disapate by itelf...seems the less you fight it, the faster it just goes..for me anyway!

[waterboy]

risks

At work and drinking again. This time perry. I read that stopping alcohol consumption suddenly can cause seizures so I got it into my head that downshifting the alcohol percentage from wine at 12 to perry at 7.5 % might make things easier in transitioning out. How wrong was I. I feel just as drunk on 7.5 as 12 percent.

I think I just got busted by a manager in the building. I hope the next time I write I still have a job. I know I definitely have a problem. Maybe I - rightly or wrongly - should become a Christian again. I know when I was I didn't drink. By doing so I do risk alienation from my family and girlfriend though. Being a Christian in the 21st century is like being gay in the 60's. Oh, how the irony prevails.

[waterboy]

risks

I don't even believe in a Christian God. I just convinced myself of its validity by desire and it had a power all of itself. There was the comfort of giving another my problems, but then there was also the weakness of unrequited gifts: the age old question of being good and getting bad in return. If I am a good person why do I get back bad results? If I advocate bigotry by membership, even though I've nothing against gay people or sodomy, what does that say about my "will"?

[waterboy]

risks

It would be so nice to live everyday without needing something - alcohol or God - to accept myself. I am of course rejecting myself either way. This is the allure of suicide; some kind of warped sense of integrity by avoiding those fake solutions to problems I encounter.

I have made too many mistakes. I am still making them into my older years. I know the right path but my brain keeps telling me to reject that path because of whatever reasons(no alcohol, no God...). I am so confused. Sometime I want to just hurt myself so badly it will give me perspective and eradicate the anxiety I normally face in daily crap.

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

risks

Waterboy, everybody is confused. Some people are quick to pronounce their convictions, but a conviction is just an opinion with an attitude. We all stumble around trying to figure out what is true. If you are still breathing, you haven't made too many mistakes.

I think it's just impossible to thoroughly and openly true with all your beliefs, all the time. I lean very far to the left and am actively Atheist, and my boss is a fundamentalist Christian. I keep my mouth shut a lot. In my personal life, I work and vote for what I believe in. It is possible to be privately true to yourself (and that's where it really matters anyway).

Have you considered sitting in on a Unitarian service? I never have but would love to because I can't wrap my head around a religion wherein deity is optional. Some of the most precious moments in my life involve being around people who are doing cool things for other people - and sometimes they are religious people. It's okay. I'm not rejecting myself by being around them.

I'm not at all crazy about AA and haven't been to a meeting in five years or more. But some of the loveliest human beings I've ever met, I met in AA. The organization is quite unique in that you can have the support of other people immediately - right now - and be surrounded by people who have either quit drinking or are with you in your struggle of trying to quit. It sounds like you are in a pretty dangerous place right now, and I'm wondering - even though AA is far from ideal - whether it might be worth a phone call?

[waterboy]

risks

Sidenote - I tried to get and appointment recently with my gp to discuss my problem. I couldn't get an appointment. 3 days in a row I telephoned at the required time (required time!!!!) to get an engaged tone for 30 minutes those 3 days.

I telephoned more than a few times for those 3 days during the required time slot. No response until 30 minutes later I get through and... "you'll have to call back tomorrow for an appointment."

You know, this is ok. I realise that the NHS is burdened by over management, bureaucracy, junkies, opportunistic and honest immigrant patients. I realise that my health is trivial in the grand scheme of our "healthcare system" unless I have a registered heroin problem (I have been told this when applying for housing) because morailty has been reduced to political manoeuvering...

All this I accept. For one reason. I am glad I did not report my alcohol problem to the authorities because I would be on some database that would treat me like a leporous idiot and marginalise me further from a system that already prides itself on helping no-one unless they've been on Big Brother or hold a prominent position as a civil servant.

Ok, sue me. I am angry. If you have money you have no idea about real problems because the money hose makes most of the real problems in life go away (certainly those significantly contributing to alcohol dependence). I've decided not to write in these forums anymore. I sincerely wish you all succes in your endeavours to deal with your problems.

Capitalism is killing us all and the route of all our alcohol (nevermind environmental) problems come from there. Think about it...

Out.

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

risks

The individual vs. society is the oldest story in the world, it is "The Great Philosophical Quandary" - and most every novel or movie ever created is based on that theme.

But addiction predates capitalism by a damn sight. Archeologists have found Stone Age beer jugs, which put that beverage alone at least as far back as the neolithic period. I'm betting wine goes back even further than that.