How do you find the courage....

[Bella]

How many times have i sat here thinking if only i had the brave lion in my head not just my heart....just to have the power behind me to ask for outside help...meaning therapy, psyco help....I just wanted to ask you how you do it. Im embarressed, ashamed, shy, etc. Not going to waffle on about it. But...I had family help...counselling when i was six years old plus and it was awful...maybe that is what puts me off now.!!!??? Im 42yrs now. Its doing my head in the fact i cant just organise something for myself...meaning once a week help. I have a drink binge for a night then im sober for 3 days, thats my pattern. I drink for several reasons and every time i have a binge...a little more confidence leaves me. I have 3 days on the wagon and my confidence and self power grows again...like the buds in spring.

Anyway, if you have any advice, please share.

Bella XXXx

[rubywillow]

How do you find the courage....

Bell, because you want to be this way more than 3 days, right? We have to take it in our hands, because no one else will, and we'll continue to feel unworthy. Hang on to the sober feeling, OK?

[Bella]

How do you find the courage....

i would love to hold onto the 3 days sober but i seem to be unable to help myself when it comes to really addressing this devil inside me. Its like i dont, cant, too weak to do anything about it. Do i really have to loose everything...family, home...before i sit upright and have no more options BUT to get my self happy?

[rubywillow]

How do you find the courage....

You've read the stories here, the losses, the grief, so you have the information of where your life is going, if you don't get a grip. There's nothing any of us can do if you pick up that next drink. There is no magic. It's just what we decide we want to do with the life we have, and sometimes it's hard as hell. Read all the tools, again, so when you have the urge you will know there is no one but yourself to hold accountable if you screw it all up again. There is help here, but only before you take the first drink.

[Ringing Cedars]

How do you find the courage....

Oh Bella, I hear you but as I said before we are only hurting ourselves in the end. We can't change our pasts but we CAN change our futures. Finding the right support to work through the past is essential for building our future. I think I've finally found mine and I am going to pray that you find yours. But we can't find it and then use it effectively if we keep diving into that bottle. The first few drinks ease the pain but then we just invite the demons to the surface with more and more. We choose. Let's choose life girl!! :h:l

[Doggygirl]

How do you find the courage....

Bella, as far as mustering it up to ask for help....

I had to become willing to do ANYTHING to stay sober. ANYTHING. That is humbling. As long as I was putting limits on what I was willing to do, it didn't work for me. I had to be willing to try anything DESPITE any feelings of embarrassment, etc.

If you think you would benefit in sobriety from counseling, I encourage you to call a therapist. If you think you would benefit from being with other like minded people on a regular basis, I encourage you to go to AA. If you think you need to be away from your day to day life for a bit in order to get sober, I encourage you to go to rehab.

Being willing to do whatever it takes is what had to happen for me.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

How do you find the courage....

Bella, try to be confident that asking for help from a therapist is the right thing to do. In fact, I bet that will be some of the first words out of the therapist's mouth, "You did the right thing by coming here." If you are doing the right thing, there is nothing to be embarassed about or ashamed of.

Maybe you could buy yourself some time for that 4th day - antabuse or one of the other meds maybe could help you get through that one day - and then you'd skate through a week!

Mark Twain said, "Courage is resistance to fear, not absence of fear." You already have courage - your post proves it. Just press that courage enough to dial the number of a therapist. Do that, and the worst of the dread is probably over. Then the work begins.

[hippie37]

How do you find the courage....

In my experience courage comes after you make the first step. In hindsight maybe I could rationalize some reasoning that got me to make that first step in the first place that was somehow courageuos. But if you sit around waiting to get some courage to do this it will NEVER happen because you'll always convince yourself you need courage to make that first step. The first step is always a fearful one because it takes us into the unknown. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of it and taking that step forward.

It reminds me a lot of my attitudes early on when I thought "when I'm feeling a bit better I'll go to AA or I'll go my GP or I'll get some counselling etc." By the time I was feeling a 'bit better' I'd convinced myself again I didn't need help. Why? because I wasn't raw and feeling fearful because I'd masked it again with my irrational thinking. I'd buried that feeling of what it was like to be in the pits of despair; and yet again I continued to repeat the same behaviour and drank again soon after. I don't know how many times in the past I prayed to the porcelan God asking to be relieved of the mess I was in and that I would NEVER drink again if he just got me through this one. Only to drink days later and be straight back in the same situation. Plus I didn't believe in God anyway!!

Bella your post actually brought a smile to my face because it's been unlike most of your previous posts here asking for help. There's some self honesty there about your fears, that for me personally, come across as more genuine than "praying to the porcelan God" type posts. There was a post made years ago by "Bear" where he talked of this elevator analogy where we can get off at anytime we choose. We chose to drink and we can choose to step off the elevator before it hits the bottom if we really desire change. Most people I know in fellowship myself included had to hit the bottom before any real change occured. It doesn't have to be that way (or maybe it does?). I'm guessing though you're reaching a point in your life where you've finally had enough.

Get more involved Bella, I don't neccesarily mean here either although that would be a start. I mean get more involved in life and stop isolating yourself. Take action in spite of your fears and be vulnerable to change whatever that may be. Be open and honest about how you really feel as you did in this thread. Bella I had my "dirty little secrets" that kept me locked up in some kind of 'trauma' in the past. It wasn't so much the content that needed exploring just the feelings that I was experiencing around them. When I finally got in touch with them I was then able to talk about the content because it just opened a flood gate of feelings up that I'd buried for so long. I was just able to let it all out and talk about it. It's the best move I ever made regards my drinking.

Many Blessings
Phil
xx

[betty boop]

How do you find the courage....

Good Morning Bella,

Can you plan something for your 4th night?? Instead of planning to drink, plan to cook a nice meal, or movie with a friend, or even an AA meeting, Meeting people face to face on the evening that you would usually drink would give you such a boost to get through that one night!!!

In any case go and see your doctor, they will get you some help too ..........

All the best Bella xxx

[mollyka]

How do you find the courage....

Hi Bella, I too was terrified 'going further' with my problems. Thought I could do it all on my own - I couldn't. Went to my doc and my first words to him were 'I'm an alcoholic' didn't even know those words were coming out of my mouth, actually had never said them before and I've never looked back. He took control of my medication and shipped me off to a therapist. I'm not 100% sure the therapist is the one for me - but the fact that I've gone to her, I've no problem going to someone else if needs be.
As regards the 4th day syndrome! - just tell yourself 'I'm not drinking on the 4th day, after that I'll think about the 5th' bingo! Each day you are sober removes the alcohol from your body and sort of makes it harder to break the 'winning streak'. Good luck Bella, this is well doable and so so worth it
Molly

[Guitarista]

How do you find the courage....

Bella;978019 wrote: i would love to hold onto the 3 days sober but i seem to be unable to help myself when it comes to really addressing this devil inside me. Its like i dont, cant, too weak to do anything about it. Do i really have to loose everything...family, home...before i sit upright and have no more options BUT to get my self happy?

Hiya Bella,

Some people do have to lose everything before they stop. I hope that's not where you're heading. Is it?
Your friend and mine, Picasso said - when you don't feel like painting, PAINT. I remember this when i'm lazing around instead of making music. So if you don't feel like calling for some outside help like some sort of counselling, do it, or speaking to a G.P. about a place to start the process, do it. Don't think about the action of picking up the phone, just do it. It will not be worse than the hell you are putting yourself through now.
It's a great question you ask friend, and it's lovely to see you again. Now go for it!

Greg. x

[Ringing Cedars]

How do you find the courage....

Get more involved Bella, I don't neccesarily mean here either although that would be a start. I mean get more involved in life and stop isolating yourself. Take action in spite of your fears and be vulnerable to change whatever that may be. Be open and honest about how you really feel as you did in this thread. Bella I had my "dirty little secrets" that kept me locked up in some kind of 'trauma' in the past. It wasn't so much the content that needed exploring just the feelings that I was experiencing around them. When I finally got in touch with them I was then able to talk about the content because it just opened a flood gate of feelings up that I'd buried for so long. I was just able to let it all out and talk about it. It's the best move I ever made regards my drinking.

Many Blessings
Phil
xx

I don't know how to quote excerpts--one day.
Bella ~~ just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hope that you're making that day 4--and beyond. I want you to really listen to what Phil is saying. We need to move beyond the pain and anger of our past to heal. I really like how Phil says the event itself doesn't need to be focused on but the feelings that are keeping you trapped in this self destruct cycle. I really do understand Bella. It is hard work but you deserve it!!:l:h:l

[catch22]

How do you find the courage....

Hi Bella,
For me it was not courage, I was so desperate i went to my G.P and started going to CAT group meetings and AA meetings. Someone once said to me how do you get the courage to go on your own i said i was so desperate i wanted the help, but i had to do it, i just had to. The desire within me just become strong inside me. And like Hippie said the courage comes after that first step.
If you want Bella i only live 2miles away from London if you want to come to one of my AA meetings i will be willing to meet up with you, i will pm you.
Wishing you all the best.x:l

[mama bear]

How do you find the courage....

maybe you should try antabuse???it sure is working for me

[ChickenNumber3]

How do you find the courage....

There is no miracle cure! We are all flawed and every single one of us and the rest of humanity that are not alcoholics all have life issues...you can't live on this world without developing them...its called 'living'!

That is not to say that everyones personal struggles are not difficult, we all have our burden to carry on our backs, ...but you can do it with or without alcohol. The burden is there with or without that drink....we are a long time dead...there are no re-runs here......this is your last ride,make the most of it! How can you enjoy the rollercoaster ride when your mind, heart and soul are stuck on the platform and you keep spending your ticket money on booze?
You can do it, no one said life is easy..but dang its a ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!