Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
Asp, starting to worry about your fixations!!!!!!!!!!!!
Asp, starting to worry about your fixations!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint: -
Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
AF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
But that's OK, as long as you're here, and sober. Wow! What a funny gift!!!!!!!!!!!!sigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
Asp, I just noticed, and find it rather disturbing, that our avatars look strangely similar. Sorry.
I'm going to change mine. I've done cats and dogs . . . maybe a baby bonobo or something. A bonobo would like vaseline?* * *
Tracy
?Our freedom can be measured by the number of things we can walk away from.?
- Vernon HowardComment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
OMG! avitars are creepy now you mention it...lolAF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
A man dressed in a suit comes up to the front porch of house juggling
a clipboard, some papers, and a briefcase. He knocks on the door and it's
answered by a middle-aged man, "Mornin' stranger, what can I do for ya?".
"Well sir, I represent Schneller, Barnum, and Holtz. We're paid by
private companies to canvas thousands of consumers like yourself for
feedback on their products. Today we're soliciting comments on Vaseline
petroleum jelly. Would you have time to answer just a couple of questions?"
"I don't see how a couple of questions could hurt, fire away young man",
says the homeowner.
Looking down at his clipboard, the survey-taker asks, "Okay...first, you
do use Vaseline, correct?".
"Yessir, for as long as I can remember".
"Great, now what exactly do you use it for?" replies the survey-taker with
his pen poised over his clipboard, ready to record the answer.
"Let's see.....we use it for dry skin, chapped lips, and sex."
The well-dressed man stops writing abruptly. He looks around, leans
forward and in a low voice says "We pride ourselves in being very thorough
sir. I know how you'd use Vaseline for dry skin and chapped lips. But would
you mind telling me how you use it for sex?".
"No problem," the homeowner says in a whisper, "we put it on our bedroom
doorknob". The survey-taker gets a strange look on his face and takes a step
backwards before the homeowner continues, "It keeps the kids out".AF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
I apologize in advance. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Read no further if easily offended.
I warned you...........
First Guy: "Hey, if you went camping with another guy and
woke up with Vaseline around your butt hole,
would you tell anyone?"
Second Guy: "Hell no!"
First Guy: "Want to go camping?"sigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
OOOOH Rubes didn't know you told them sort of jokes...:H :l :H:rubywillow;991798 wrote: I apologize in advance. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Read no further if easily offended.
I warned you...........
First Guy: "Hey, if you went camping with another guy and
woke up with Vaseline around your butt hole,
would you tell anyone?"
Second Guy: "Hell no!"
First Guy: "Want to go camping?"Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
LOL Rubes!!! :H
:sausages::heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:
Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn?t have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it?s quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it?s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don?t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She?s got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that?s enough, I?ll do the fucking dishes!"
:thanks:AF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
:H:H:HOutside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to readComment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
This prisoner escapes after 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he"s in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He"s probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn"t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don"t resist, don"t complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he"ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."To which the wife responds, "he wasn"t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too."sigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
yer right, like a hardend crim would bother with vass,
AF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
TMI, asp, TMI! :Hsigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
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Warning! Vaseline is Deadly!
HARDEND, get it rubes, HARd...lol, i crack me up.
its 8am on a sat here, i been at work since 3, get to go home @2:40pm...yay.
Then icome back for a quick 45 min work on sunday, monday is 8hrs, tuesday is 13hrs.
then its back to normal...what ever that is...AF since 10/26/2009
It will be five years sober 10/26/2014Comment
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