Hello, and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.
I am bit of a lurker here guys, I hardly ever post. I am usually drinking in the evening these days, I might go a couple of days AL free in the week, but by the time it comes to Thursday, I have a drink pretty much every day through till Sunday and the actual amount of AL I can sink over those four days is alarming to me.
Something happen to me last week that meant I was off work unexpectedly, and I found that my usual days of sobriety became clear for me to carry on drinking throughout the whole week, sometimes a couple of glasses of wine, sometimes almost a bottle of spirits.
I just went to the store and bought something every day, and if it?s here in the house I?ll open it and drink it, it?s pretty much automatic.
Yesterday was no different; I bought a bottle of red wine and knew I had about a glass left in another bottle. I know I don?t get completely smashed on that amount, but I knew it was enough to give me a hit and get me a good night?s sleep.
The thing is, as the evening wore on, I didn?t really feel like it. But, I poured a glass anyway?..do you know what? I realised I didn?t really want it. Took me ages to drink the first glass, and by the time I poured the second I KNEW I was drinking it out of habit, not real desire. I wasn?t guzzling like I usually do, I was actually sipping and it was not enjoyable, didn?t taste good, and it didn?t feel right. I STOPPED.
For the first time in ages I stopped drinking before my quota for the evening was finished.
I slept too, all night. And all day today I have been thinking about it. I have no real desire to drink today, and to avoid it I haven?t been to the shops, haven?t got any AL
in the house. I am NOT going to panic half an hour before the store closes and run to get any. That feeling I had last night got me thinking, how much of my drinking was actually for drinking?s sake? How much was down to habit? Maybe I should think about breaking old habits and trying new ones?
Sorry for rambling, but this is me, trying out new habits. When I finish typing this I am going for a long walk (with no money on me!), a long hot bath, and I am finally going to start the book that has been lying unopened on my night table for weeks.
I don?t know what?s going to happen tomorrow, but I am not drinking today. I?ll think about that tomorrow. But I am not drinking today, no sir.
Feels good to get that out, thanks for listening.
I am bit of a lurker here guys, I hardly ever post. I am usually drinking in the evening these days, I might go a couple of days AL free in the week, but by the time it comes to Thursday, I have a drink pretty much every day through till Sunday and the actual amount of AL I can sink over those four days is alarming to me.
Something happen to me last week that meant I was off work unexpectedly, and I found that my usual days of sobriety became clear for me to carry on drinking throughout the whole week, sometimes a couple of glasses of wine, sometimes almost a bottle of spirits.
I just went to the store and bought something every day, and if it?s here in the house I?ll open it and drink it, it?s pretty much automatic.
Yesterday was no different; I bought a bottle of red wine and knew I had about a glass left in another bottle. I know I don?t get completely smashed on that amount, but I knew it was enough to give me a hit and get me a good night?s sleep.
The thing is, as the evening wore on, I didn?t really feel like it. But, I poured a glass anyway?..do you know what? I realised I didn?t really want it. Took me ages to drink the first glass, and by the time I poured the second I KNEW I was drinking it out of habit, not real desire. I wasn?t guzzling like I usually do, I was actually sipping and it was not enjoyable, didn?t taste good, and it didn?t feel right. I STOPPED.
For the first time in ages I stopped drinking before my quota for the evening was finished.
I slept too, all night. And all day today I have been thinking about it. I have no real desire to drink today, and to avoid it I haven?t been to the shops, haven?t got any AL
in the house. I am NOT going to panic half an hour before the store closes and run to get any. That feeling I had last night got me thinking, how much of my drinking was actually for drinking?s sake? How much was down to habit? Maybe I should think about breaking old habits and trying new ones?
Sorry for rambling, but this is me, trying out new habits. When I finish typing this I am going for a long walk (with no money on me!), a long hot bath, and I am finally going to start the book that has been lying unopened on my night table for weeks.
I don?t know what?s going to happen tomorrow, but I am not drinking today. I?ll think about that tomorrow. But I am not drinking today, no sir.
Feels good to get that out, thanks for listening.
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