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[Doggygirl]

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(((K9))) I assume he is staying married and you are trying your best to move on? Would it maybe work better if he didn't contact you? I was in a similar situation a long time ago. In the case of my married "love," he was mainly in love with himself. It was very easy for him to charm me a sob story about the reasons (excuses) his marriage was less than ideal, but also his reasons (excuses) for staying in it. Truth is, I was not the first nor was I the last to hear his stories over the years. He really didn't want to face the realities of ups and downs in married life, but he didn't want to face being on his own either. So he continually tried to get the best of both worlds.

Eventually she wised up and dumped him. Not saying that's what's going on here, but the unavailable *thing* we pine away for is not always as shiny as it appears if we were to actually get it. (if it ever becomes available, which it might not)

I hope you find a way to move on to a simpler relationship, or even no relationship but meaning in your life. :l

DG

[Pride before Fall]

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I think we love people who aren't available because the day-to-day, in-the-trenches love is so risky. People change, people leave, people die; of course, new (and sometimes better) relationships come along, but scars from loss run deep, and if you rack up enough of them, the potential rewards of opening your heart to someone new can seem not worth the risk.

I can't see a former flame who is texting you about how unhappy he is in his marriage as particularly kind to either you or his wife, K9. He can address the problems in his marriage, or he can go. To want to keep you out there on a string, and to be talking to you about his wife in such a negative way, is not demonstrating much loyalty or character.

Take a chance on someone else and see what happens. You won't have this guy, but you may well have someone better (I did!).

xoxo Pride

[K9Lover]

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Thank you everyone. All of your advice has been so helpful. I do think NO contact is for the best. Normally we don't have contact, but it's that one random text out of the blue that gets me going all over again...
In fact he angered me today anyway because his messages started leaning towards sexual inuendos (ok, flat out sex talk) and I told him that I'm way too good to be anyone's "sex toy"...so if that's what he's looking for, then keep looking. He has a wife, and if she doesn't do it for him, well then that's not MY problem. I've just been feeling very disrespected by men lately, as a sex object. I am a smart, funny, independent woman and I deserve to have someone's whole heart and love, not just have them fantasizing about me and then telling me in excruciating detail. I don't need that, it's disrespectful and I'm not going to take it.

[Doggygirl]

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You GO girl. There are plenty of decent available men out there. They are harder to find because they are not sitting on a bar stool, which was where I spent way too many years of my life looking. :H You deserve to be respected.

DG

[K9Lover]

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And Pride, you are right. The way he talks about his wife, or "it" and "the beast" as he likes to refer to her, is so mean...and he goes on and on about all of her flaws and her looks and her dead personality. It's just so disrespectful to talk about someone like that, and then turn around and go home to them...how does a person do that? You're right, it shows his true colors. And they're not pretty.

[fluff]

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Wow- K9- I think the advice here is so wise- just cut the ties with him- you both can move on then-and sexting you is totally selfish, btw.

[Pride before Fall]

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Get up and dance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kym44DDJWw[/video]]YouTube - Aretha Franklin Respect

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

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K9Lover;986704 wrote: And Pride, you are right. The way he talks about his wife, or "it" and "the beast" as he likes to refer to her, is so mean...and he goes on and on about all of her flaws and her looks and her dead personality. It's just so disrespectful to talk about someone like that, and then turn around and go home to them...how does a person do that? You're right, it shows his true colors. And they're not pretty.

Ok I will say it, the guy sounds like a total scumbag who is just looking for a bit on the side. I feel sorry for his wife of only five years. You said he says they are only friends now, some friend eh?
You had a lucky escape K9, imagine it was you he was going home to and speaking about you like that to some other woman behind your back. Wipe him off the sole of your shoe and hit the delete button.

[NoraC]

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PROUD OF YOU!!!! You are wonderful and don't forget it!!!!!!!!!!!

[Choochie]

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K9,

Wow - this guy is bad news. You should run like hell. You would never be able to trust him if he left his wife. After all, if he would do that to her what would keep him from doing the same to you? Don't get caught up in wanting what you can't have - that is a dead end. Stopping all contact with him is the only way you're going to be open to a new relationship. Even the guys on this thread agree!!

[K9Lover]

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You're all so right. I guess I just needed to hear it, even though I already knew it. I just erased him from my phone, even though that won't prevent him from contacting me. I just need to be stronger next time and not reply.

[Doggygirl]

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Good for you K9. I'm so happy you are showing yourself this respect. I know it feels hard. This journey is full of difficult steps. Very soon you will look back at this and probably wonder why you didn't do it sooner. You are bloomin' like a rose.

DG

[NoraC]

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K9 - If you have Verizon, you can block him.

[K9Lover]

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Thanks Nora! I just figured that out...I went online to my account and put his number in as a blocked number (for calls and texts!!!) Yay! Now I can move on. I normally do fine until he pops up out of nowhere. Guess I don't need to worry about it anymore. I'm not so "sad" anymore

[Mish]

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I don't know how to initiate private chat...but pls pm me...in panic as soooooooo understand (ex remarring tomorrow)