I can't drink - what now?

[Kimberley]

OK so I'm on antabuse so I can't drink. Truth is, I'd really like a drink now! The pills don't take away the cravings, yet I can't have a drink - I would not dream of trying to on top of these meds.

It's uber-frustrating because although my body is safe and the week-long binge is not going to happen (which is why I am taking these things after all), I am still stuck in that place where I want a drink.

I am trying to ask myself what it really IS that I want. Is it comfort? Maybe. How can I address this craving without drinking? If it's not comfort, what is it? How can I find out and what can I do about it to make it bearable?

Has anyone been here? Anyone got any ideas?
Thanks,
K x

[fluff]

I can't drink - what now?

I have a question about these drugs- don't some of them like Campral- stop the cravings and if so why then take antibuse?

[Kimberley]

I can't drink - what now?

Hya Fluff,
The reason I am taking this is one is because there is NOOOO WAY I can drink on it - I physically can't. If I was on Campral (as I have been in the past), I would drink on it (as I have in the past). It didn't do enough for my cravings to stop my raging alkie appetite...
K

[rubywillow]

I can't drink - what now?

Kim, good for you. Do what really works. It takes a long time for our body to re-adjust, and our mind longer. Old habits are hard to break. You didn't get here overnight, so you won't figure it all out overnight. Fill your hours, think ahead, do something fun, fulfilling to reward you. There are long days, hours, minutes, when wonder where we're going, but remember, we looking for our REAL selves again, not the person trapped by an addiction. And it's SO worth it, tho sometimes we want to throw up our hands. Anything worth having is worth waiting and working for. Why do you think we fall into AL so easily? Because it takes all the effort away.
Great of you to post your feelings here. Hope you get some great replies. :huggy
Rubes

[fluff]

I can't drink - what now?

oh- I was actually thinking of trying Campral-
Anyway- What are you going to do- you can't drink-so have some tea?
Actually- this is very interesting because it kind of puts you in a new frame of mind-right? If you weren't on the stuff then you obviously could have a drink...now you have no option..you will have to find something different to focus on-I'm sorry-I am analyzing this, Kim- and you are asking for help-ideas.. tea is all that comes to my mind- or trying a new activity to fill the void...

[Kimberley]

I can't drink - what now?

Thanks Rubes - I am trying to get there. It's just I honestly don't know how to cope. It's great when I'm busy - I have had a great couple of weekends seeing friends and the like - but it's when the merry-go-round stops that I feel somewhat lost. I guess I will mostly have to ride it out until I get used to it or discoever what it is that makes me feel better.

I am sort if half-doing it now by spending time on the forum, cooking a good meal, reading here and there, lots of walking and little errands. But there is only so much I can do before this feeling overtakes me again. I sometimes wish I could walk forever and not stop as it helps me so much - sadly I am only human. Sigh!

Fluff, I have indeed been drinking tea and coffee until it is coming out of my ears!!! Right now I am having a hot cocoa with a bit of coconut oil in it - as for some bizarre reason I have also been craving a Bounty all day! (Used to love them as a kid) Yes you are precisely right about putting me in a new position and frame of mind so to speak - that is precisely the reason I asked to go on antabuse. So feel free to analyse away!

[rubywillow]

I can't drink - what now?

Kim, think of things you used to love - painting, classes, gardening,- and sign up for something to start again. That's what I did. I'm painting and writing again, and it feels good! Look back at your sober self, and nourish those dreams.

[NoraC]

I can't drink - what now?

Kim - I'm with you there. Trying to keep busy and occupied. Trying to learn to live like this - sober! I haven't had many massive cravings but I am just sort of lost. So, I just keep doing things. Online classes. Movies. Staring into space. :H
It's almost like I'm trying to find my next addiction. Maybe it will be jigsaw puzzles.

[Pride before Fall]

I can't drink - what now?

I am trying to ask myself what it really IS that I want. Is it comfort? >>

Not sure if this will help Kimberley, but the question I ask myself is, what is it I want to avoid? A feeling, a responsibility that's overwhelming? Loneliness? For me, the AL was all about numbing out.

NOT that any of those things are comfortable to sit with sober, but I know I can't get rid of them by sitting on the lid, so to speak.

I'm really impressed you're taking Antabuse; I'm not sure I'd have the courage if my cravings were still that strong. xoxo Pride

[rubywillow]

I can't drink - what now?

I'm the old lady in the bunch. Trust me, please. If you don't address this now, years, decades, will pass and you will look back and wonder why. Don't lose them. You are worth so much more than poison.

[Brigitte Bardot]

I can't drink - what now?

Kim, I'm filling my time tonight with food and watching one of my favourite TV shows...

[Kimberley]

I can't drink - what now?

Oh it is really hard finding what I used to like Ruby, as I have been an alkie all my adult life. I never really gave my sober self a chance! Yes Nora, it's funny I call it my 'Lost' feeling as well! That's the exact term I use. Or the 'void' as Fluff called it.

Pride, I guess a lot of it is about avoiding things - loneliness and feelings, vulnerablilty, not being sure about things. At least when I was in my alky world, I only had one thing to really focus on. The reason I am taking antabuse is exactly because I have very strong cravings. I KNOW I will not drink on it because I physically can't, I know without out that at some point I WOULD cave in (like right now!), so this is my only option to tide me over until I 'get' being sober and learn how to cope without al. Tough love on myself if you will.

Brigitte, I did watch a whole 3 seasons of The Inbetweeners last week, which was ace. Brit comedy, acquired taste. But I am usually dead against TV and refuse to have one in my bedroom so it's not something I want to get too caught up in. Cooking is always good though.

I do hate to think of it as 'killing' time, especially when time is one of the most precious things in the world - when I think of all the wasted days spent in bed shaking, sweating and unable to get up due to withdrawals, that was like the worst waste of time ever. I feel like I want to get back into life now, to have it all now, to have all the answers now, to be who I was supposed to become NOW. Yes I am Little Miss Instant Gratification and will need to work on my patience. Maybe I should make more of an effort to give this Mindfulness thing a shot - it might help me appreciate the things going on every day. The little miracles and sensations.

I'm not sure whether I am musing now or ranting!!

[fluff]

I can't drink - what now?

Cooking is always fun- you know I love to watch the Food Network-don't know if you get that show over there- I love to read vintage cookbooks, too...like really old old-like 1917- cookbooks-
Nora suggested jigsaw puzzles- that 's not a bad idea- get something like an impressionist painting one-
Run out to your pharmacy and pick out cool nail polish like black and white and then do a checker board pattern on them or a yin/yang design...
Start an indoor garden-

[Brigitte Bardot]

I can't drink - what now?

Kim, I'm always a big fan of cooking. I love to cook and bake, try new things.. It's fun searching online for new recipes, and I'm completely addicted to the Food Network; French Food at Home, love it!

[rubywillow]

I can't drink - what now?

Kim, I was taught, and believe, our emotional develpment slows, or sometimes ceases, when we start to abuse substances. For you, it's been a while. And you were very young. So time to think about what you LIKE, what you want. The world is out there. But find yourself before you invite someone else in. They don't solve things, nor do they know you, till you know you.
Here for you, hon.
Rubes