On A Mishn

[Mish]

On A Mishn

:thanks: Girls. This is pretty exciting stuff for me and I'm really determined to do whatever it takes. Your continued support is appreciated.

Day 5 and awaken after a 'reasonable' night's sleep. Bit of a night sweat and some pretty vivid dreams but nothing I haven't experienced before so don't think it has anything to do with the Nal. Feeling very inspired by Guitarista's 2 years AF yesterday. He was one of the first to welcome me to MWO, and I always enjoy reading his posts and encouraging words to 'newbies' on the site. Maybe one day I will be there too...
I've spent today zipping about paying bills, and have to admit that I've been a bit impulsive with the spending lately. Hope I'm not trying to substitute spending for drinking because there's only one place that can land me and that's in "Big Trub." However, my impulsive spending has included vitamins and suppliments I would not normally go for. I'm a bit worried as I still haven't received my Kudzu that was supposed to come with subscribing to MWO. Has anyone else had this problem, I wonder, as it puts me off ordering anything else if it's not going to make it to my letter box. I actually sent an email asking about how long I might expect it to take, but no answer was the stern reply. Not that it's going to put me off...I'm here for the long haul, Kudzu or no Kudzu!
Can anyone tell me the difference between Glutamine and L-Glutamine?
Okay, well, I have plans for tomorrow and will check in and continue this when home and relaxed. I have to admit, this has been easier than I anticipated so far, but I'm not dropping my guard for a second.
Have a great Friday night and Saturday all of you XXXXX . :h:h:h

[sapphire1]

On A Mishn

Hi there Mish,

Wonderful news on Day 5. Maybe your night sweat and vivid dreams are the remnants of withdrawal. I remember having sweats and vivid a bit scary dreams for about a month after stopping the grog. Dont get too stressed out about the Kudzu, I dont think it is a deal breaker. What other supps have you got? Not sure but I think L-Glutamine is the same as Glutamine. I take G.A.B.A. and B3(niacinamide) and I swear these two are largely responsible for eliminating cravings and lifting my depression. Google B3 and alcohol addiciton. Have a fabulous night Mish.....you are going great guns, Saff x

[K9Lover]

On A Mishn

Hi Mish!
Congrats on day 5, that is wonderful! I hear ya' on the impulsive spending...I did that at first too. There were some Saturday nights where I'd grab my daughter and we'd go over to Walmart at 8 or 9pm and walk out $100 poorer, all on a whim. I think it was just to fill in the time of that dreaded Saturday night with no alcohol. Thankfully, that has stopped (well, slowed down!). It got me through the first few weekends, and oh yeah, my daughter never complained, as she walked out with a cart full of goodies. LOL
I never really experienced the vivid dreams or night sweats...my sleeping pattern got on track pretty quickly after I got the poison out of my system!
I hope you have a great weekend! Stay strong my friend!:h
K9

[Mish]

On A Mishn

:thanks: K9 and Saff...I love knowing you are keeping check on my progress...and thanks for the responses on vitamins...Saff, I posted some info on a supplememnt I've used from Adelaide on the Underoos thread for you just a minute ago...it's really good. I'm starting taking it again...

Day 6 has dawned and I've slept well again...highly unusual and highly welcome, as so many good nights' sleep in a row has eluded me for a very long time. I was planning to go out and do some "calls" this morning, but I think I overdid the running around the place yesterday and need some downtime. Lina and I have rescheduled for Thursday. As important as focusing on my sobriety is, I mustn't become a hermit and start neglecting other areas in my life. I've really been a bit slack this month but it's progress in a very important area. As my Psych said (re AL): "So it's really the only thing blotting your copy book now." It's great to be in a functional place. Exciting...Like Hey, World...
THIS IS MY TIME...
There are, among my friends, some who would have me marry again...Poor Bob, with his millions of dollars and boats and houses and cars wants to marry me and take me on world cruises...Can you imagine Mish, Bob and Al on a ship? He is a dear, sweet man and I love him as a friend, but he is an enabler...his first wife was a chronic, severely disfunctional alcoholic whom he let drink around the clock. He continued to bring the wine and spirits into the house. One week she had another serious fall and hit her head. She would never let Bob get an ambulance or doctor, so took to the bed. While Bob was out at Sea Rescue (some nights, some days), she made her way through the whole just replenished Spirits Cabinet, several casks of wine and some bottles of bubbly.
On the Wednesday (I think), Bob got up to make a cup of tea and when he brought it in to her she was gone. Not gone from the bed. I mean dead. She was still breathing when he got up to make the tea. Naturally it meant a police investigation and that's when he discovered how much she had consumed that last week. It's a terribly sad story, and he waited two years before asking me to marry him (said I'm the only woman he's really ever loved), and just wants to make me happy. What he doesn't get is that I can't drink. It's like because I'm not as 'bad' as his wife (who was a darling) that it's ok...It might be okay for him, but it's not okay for me.
I know how I want to live my life...I want to live it sober and in a way that brings honour and dignity to the ones I love. I want a clean conscience, a strong hope, a future...
Not sure why I'm writing all of this...but then again, I guess it's part of the reason I'm writing this thread...I'm on a Mishn, and that is my Mishn's goal.
I'll get there. I know I will. Whether it's on Nal or on Baclofen I know it will never be on my own. I'm the one, of course, who has to do the work, but the support here is amazing.

[Guitarista]

On A Mishn

G'day Mish,

I'm sorry to hear about Bob's wife, and Bob. That is a sad story, and a very real possible scenario for many of us if we keep drinking. Alcoholism/problem drinking, whatever we want to call it, (self abuse, more so than alcohol abuse in my case) is a progressive thing mostly. Some folk can tame it and get it under control if they nip it in the bud early enough, but for most folk's including me, the line has been crossed, and i would soon fall back into my old heavy drinking routine, wasting away my very real potential, and all my possibilities. I know this, cause i've tried to moderate time and time again, and i can't, at least at this point in my life. (Not that i intend trying that experiment at all in the next few years, if ever) It was my thinking, not my drinking, that was the problem for me. And our thinking is obviously the big one we must work on and change, or modify. Anyway, i'm beginning to waffle again. You have the winning attitude we need to stop, and stay stopped, and all the tool's we need to do this are already within us.

Go for it Mish! G-bloke.

[Mish]

On A Mishn

:thanks: G...

[Mish]

On A Mishn

Day 7...a whole week on Nal, and I'm sure it has to be doing something now because I'm really not interested in drinking. I've had a few cravings but figure what's the point in spending good money on something from which I'll get no more pleasure than if it were a glass of Coke. So, I'm drinking the Coke and enjoying being sober. I continue to get plenty of sleep and although I wouldn't say I have any more energy during the day, I'm still able to get things done and feel good about doing them.
The greatest thing of all is the boost it's giving to my self-esteem. It's really good to look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgust and self-loathing. There is nothing better than a clean conscience. Perhaps that's why I'm sleeping so well! I know it has to be contributing to it. Woot, woot, the sleep of the innocent! :H:H
Inside there is a growing sense of peace and contentment. That whirling, screaming tempest of negative self-talk and doubt has subsided, abated even. I walk with a thankfulness, a gratitude I never expected to feel again, let alone so quickly. I keep reminding myself to be cautious though. The enemy Al is always lurking in the shadows, crouched and ready to pounce and tear me to pieces if I become overly confident or complacent. My whole energy is directed toward sobriety at the moment, but I know soon I am going to resume activities. I am a little wary of taking the focus off myself, but I know that in giving to others we build ourselves up (providing the giving is done with a complete heart and not a spirit of resentment).
Well, one week Nal, 9 days af, and all is well...

[sapphire1]

On A Mishn

Bewdiful Mish, simply bewdiful. You are reaping the rewards for your courage. As Mr. G. said this morning, we are courageous in putting up this fight for our lives. In doing so we put in place a plan of attack, draw our lines in the sand and tell the enemy, it simply isnt allowed to cross. I hadnt looked at it like this before Mish, but starting this fight and taking al on does require courage, so that then makes us courageous!! I like the sound of that, like warriors into battle. We put our shields and impenetrable armour and bravely face up to the foe. After a day of hard battle in the trenches, resisting urges and fending off poisoned arrows, we then rest and look back at how our defences held up. No holes in the armour, shields with only scratches, superficial only. We raise or fist in jubilant victory and our strength grows and grows, so that next day, the battle rages on, but we know our strengths and the enemies weaknesses, and we know that we are much much stronger and much more courageous than ever. Fight on my friend, we are in this together and we are warriors. Luv Saffxx

[Mish]

On A Mishn

You are right, Saff...and so I raise my fist to the skies and declare:
From this day forward, this will be my catchcry:
I AM XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS
I am beautiful inside and out. I am worthy of love and respect.
:H:H:H:H:H

[techie]

On A Mishn

I love your thread Mish!

[Mish]

On A Mishn

Thanks Techie, and you're very welcome here too. I'm finding writing this very useful as it keeps me focused. Also, I'm hoping it may be able to help anyone lurking or any newbies. After all,
Day 8 I only found this site just over a couple of months ago and my life has changed dramatically, my whole spirit has lifted. I looked in the mirror this morning and swear I'm looking younger. My skin tone, even-ness, colour, clarity all appear better. Okay, I know I'm not (really) beautiful, but neither am I hideous, and as a high functioning alcoholic I always managed to keep working on my appearance...admittedly, much of the time, to try and cover up the ravages Al was having on me. I used to joke that I've 'done the last ten years on my face,' but I wasn't really laughing inside, as you all know. I only have 10 Al free days behind me, but that last one wasn't a shocker, just a bottle of wine spread over an evening. The last binge saw me hauled onto the Taco Truck on the Dos Gatos thread. I think I can come down again now it is the
First day of November and I'm going to do the drink tracker this month. I'm feeling really positive. I was disappointed when I was only prescribed Naltrexone as I was so sure only the Bac would do it for me. I'm delighted to be proven wrong and apologise to my Psych for the grumpy thoughts when he asked me to give this a trial first. I will see this through...the two months on Nal, then a trial of Vivitrol, and, that going well, I'll see if I can qualify for the Naltrexone implants. That's really exciting, to think that Al will lose its appeal and give me no 'pleasure' ever again. Oh Al, where is your sting???
I've done a bit of impulse buying over the past couple of months...have a classy Op Shop nearby and have new shoes and dresses for the Summer. I'm exactly the same size and shape (well, a bit droopier) as when I was in my early twenties and I'm ready for what today and tomorrow bring...ODAT.

[Lillypond059]

On A Mishn

Mish, you are doing so well, I love your thread, and I find for me, its very inspirational, to read how you are doing on your journey to becoming af.Lilly x

[Going Strong]

On A Mishn

Mish,

I love this thread too and it gives me great joy to read about your wins and how you are changing over this time.

Good Job!!!

[spuddleduck]

On A Mishn

mishy mish mash..... ive just read through your mishn. im so glad youre writing this. its good to follow a daily journal. thanks

[sapphire1]

On A Mishn

Mishmash;993448 wrote: You are right, Saff...and so I raise my fist to the skies and declare:
From this day forward, this will be my catchcry:
I AM XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS
I am beautiful inside and out. I am worthy of love and respect.
:H:H:H:H:H

HAIL XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS............:welcome::