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[Brigitte Bardot]

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Sunnyvalenting;993054 wrote: Is it possible that with your new found sobriety that you are more intolerant of his boozing? I would ask you to consider that you have likely been drunk and disorderly when he was worried about you and it was inconvenient for him. I am not saying that this can go on indefinitely. Nor am I saying that you owe him some slack. However sometimes we suddenly become fanatic about a situation when we think we have found THE answer. If you truly care for each other, which I suspect is the case, give yourself some room and time. Don't rush to judgment or make a rash decision. We are each on this path but are not always side by side.
All the best,
Sunny

Hi Kim, I've been reading the thread and I really think Sunny has a very valid point. Right now you're more sensitive to drinking and a little more intolerant since you're working on your sobriety. Just something to think about..

[rubywillow]

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Still, my point is Kim's sobriety and sanity. Now you are seeing, maybe for the first time, your relationship. Give it time. Don't accept behavior like the other night, but you sound tolerant enough about his reg drinking. I hope this works out for you both.

[Kimberley]

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Brigitte Bardot;993630 wrote: Hi Kim, I've been reading the thread and I really think Sunny has a very valid point. Right now you're more sensitive to drinking and a little more intolerant since you're working on your sobriety. Just something to think about..

Hya all and thanks for your input,

Re your comments Sunny and BB, to be fair I don't think this is the case at all. I am not new to recovery and have spent much of our time together sober, though of late I have had my ups and downs, hence me taking antabuse to prolong the sober time.

My experience of being with him is that most of the time I am sober but have had several binges. I do not act up much when drinking - my tolerance is too high for that sadly. Mostly it is just me drinking and then going to sleep. I never leave the house unless it is to buy more al. I only get horrible when I run out of al and try to make him buy me some - that's not good and I know it's not.

As I said I don't mind him drinking and I don't even mind when he gets a bit drunk at a party or whatever, but I think drinking every day is abnormal and when he drinks when 'stressed out' it is to excess and he gets sloppy, unreasonable, forgets important things and he just changes over all. It's almost like his whole demeanour changes, his face and eyes are different - it's weird. And I do worry about him as he will go out somtimes and end up getting wasted, losing things (phone, keys), coming in at ridiculous times not remembering what he's done. And it's got worse of late. I don't like it and there is a part of him that doesn't like it either I think.

I have told him that I will do anything to help him him out when he has problems - but often he seems to think the only way to deal with things is by drinking. Now I am very guilty of that too, but I am learning and trying my damnedest to change that, whereas he seems to be on a slippery slope and at the moment he is falling down it and not trying to scramble back up. I hope this is just a rough patch. He was great when he switched over to non-al beer for a while - I want that back, but even if I don't get that, I want the insane drinking to stop. I don't want him to end up like I did or anywhere close to it.

[Brigitte Bardot]

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Okay, it was just another point of view to look at. Sorry.

[Kimberley]

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No, no worries BB. Not everyone knows all my history and the situation and I know that. I appreciate you all taking the time tio reply with possibilities to look at That's really nice.

Same goes for everyone advising me about not relapsing - not relevant at the moment as I'm on antabuse so I can't drink even if I feel like it.

But it's lovely to know that you all care enough to try and find some suggestions and answers for me. That's what this place is all about - plus space for me to have a big ol rant sometimes
K x

[Brigitte Bardot]

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I personally love a good rant. I had a great one the other day with my father; we have them all the time with eachother. He just laughs and asks me "Feel better now that you've gotten that off your chest?"..."Hell yes! Thanks Dad".. I'm glad you took it in the way it was intended.

[Kimberley]

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Brigitte Bardot;993655 wrote: I personally love a good rant. I had a great one the other day with my father; we have them all the time with eachother. He just laughs and asks me "Feel better now that you've gotten that off your chest?"..."Hell yes! Thanks Dad".. I'm glad you took it in the way it was intended.

I like you and your dad's attitude - I think everyone should have an alloted 10 minutes of 'rant time' a day in which people have to allow them to just go on about whatever without any repercussions :H If you don't need to take the rant time then don't take it, but if you need it it's there...!

[Mish]

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Hi Kim, glad you had things out...though I hate to be a stick in the mud and say that although the crisis is over, nothing was resolved. He very cleverly deflected the issue and now has some space to breathe until he goes overboard again. And you know that it will happen.
Honey girl, you're awfully young and you know that if you don't get this sorted out soon, you will be doing the same thing in twenty years' time, just the same as now only sadder and more hopeless.
Al-anon might be helpful, or counselling...individual and marriage...
Congratulations on dealing with your drinking at your age...I wish I had the resources I have now back when I was in my twenties...put your sobriety first above everything and best wishes.
:h Mish :h

[Kimberley]

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Hi Mish,

Thanks for your thoughts. Yeah I managed to deal with the present moment but I am going to be watching over the coming weeks to see what he does - I know I can't deal with him doing things like this in the long-term.

Haha it feels funny you saying I'm young - I'm 30 but sometimes I feel like I'm about 60. I was a heavy drinker from underage and began drinking every day since I was 18, managed to peak at 1.5 litres of gin a day at about 22 and carry on that way until a few years ago. A few inpatient spells and only a third of my pancreas left, my body sure feels like it's older!

I was always very embarrassed about being the youngest person in detox/alcohol groups etc, thinking how could I have screwed myself up so much by such a young age in comparison - but now I kind of look on it as a blessing that I have enough time ahead of myself to truly deal with my issues and still enjoy a lot of it sober.

By the way, good job on your Mishn so far - I'm enjoying your posts and your journey.
K x

[Mish]

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Thirty is young here...a lot of us have taken a lot longer than you to start seeking help. My older daughter is 28 in a minute...
PM me if you need any "mummy" advice...and glad you're enjoying my thread.

[Guest]

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Hi

I've had alcoholic and heavy drinking partners in the past - well doesn't like gravitate towards like?I've also dealt with some pretty scary drinking associates too. All were a pain to be around and didn't recognise my desire to work towards long-term sobriety.

As an alcoholic in recovery I have no patience with drunk people. Call me a bitter ex-drinker, I don't care because it's just the way I am. This is possible for the following quite valid reasons however;

Drunks are impossible to reason with

and

People when drunk(even if they don't have a problem) are a very painful, hard hitting reminder of how I was/have been.

I also don't wish to have the smell of booze around me. I have had enough of smelling of the stuff, having it coming out of my pores after a session.

All I can say is concentrate on your sobriety, he can do whatever he likes but be positive for him and there if he does fancy the quitting or at least cutting back. Very much how al anon advise loved ones be with us!

[Kimberley]

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Mishmash;995391 wrote: Thirty is young here...a lot of us have taken a lot longer than you to start seeking help. My older daughter is 28 in a minute...
PM me if you need any "mummy" advice...and glad you're enjoying my thread.

Thanks mummy :H and happy birthday to your daughter.

Thanks for the advice, UK. I have made it clear to him that I am willing to be supportive but that if the pattern is going to get worse then I will have a hard time dealing with that in the long-term. I was calm but honest. He hasn't had a drink for 2 days...

I don't know if that will last - and I don't mind if he does drink relatively normally - just can't deal with it every single day, with the amount escalating, or to the messy extent that he drinks when stressed. I just want him to be aware of what he's doing and to try. I'm not perfect - very, very, very far from it - but I can say I'm trying very hard. And that's what I need from him - to show some effort.

K x