WAKE UP PEOPLE!

[one2many]

Lately, I have found myself increasingly frustrated with all the "slips" that are posted day after day here on the boards.
They are usually from the same people who slip it in to conversation.."oh and by the way, I had a drink last night but back on the wagon now"
This usually gets a response like "oh don't worry, you are going thru such a lot and you only drank such and such amount..it's ok, there there, kisses for you" blah blah blah,
Then 2 days later the SAME people come back and say the SAME thing again and get the SAME response.

I know giving up drinking is hard..I know that, I have done it, I know that not everyone gets it first time, I didn't either but I have to ask if certain people are even trying???
There are those on here who give it their all.....try everything available to them, they give it 100%, they might not make it but they learn from their mistakes and make sure that particular trigger does not get them again. They use their tools, they post that they feel like taking a drink and get support, they WANT to stop drinking.

Then you have the Half Hearters...the ones who KNOW they drink too much, who harp on and on about how it is destroying their lives...moan, winge and cry about how SHITE their lives are and do not take ANY steps to seriously make an effort.

You will get some to try to "show" they are trying by taking meds etc but then plan to fail by stopping taking it or worse drinking while on it. The ones who will post drunk and then come back and say sorry for others to say "awhh don't worry, it's ok!. it's NOT ok.....everyone has posted drunk at some time or other but it's the ones who REPEATEDLY do it and can be obnoxious to boot.

Some threads on here, I honestly wonder if ANYONE is trying to get sober...seems to be just a collection of poor me stories and drinking and people saying "awhh you drank?? awhh thats ok, not to worry"

Call it tough love, call it what you like but it's time to wake up and smell the coffee...you have to WORK at sobriety, you have to do ANYTHING to get it and most of all you have to WANT it...

Otherwise you are going to go around in circles, looking for band aids from your friends on here, round and round and round....and getting nowhere.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. . Albert Einstein

I am sorry for the rant but it really has been on my mind for the past long while so I had to say something..

[lil.michelle]

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I think you should have kept these thoughts to yourself as it will offend people. I totally understand where you are coming from but unfortunatly you have, i have no idea about the pressure, the strains, the depressions of other peoples lifes. I think the thing to remember is we've all taken the first and most important step to realise that we have a drinking problem... something that half the world refuse to see. The step is to see how we can get past it and unfortunatly, some stumble time aftertime. Like me, i spend a whole year failing until i clicked. I myself have given it my all, first just on will power but depression made that hard, antabuse and then hypnotism which has worked amazingly.

This site is to support, not to bitch, not to make people uncomfortable. It is somewhere people come to for help, whether they slip daily, weekly, monthly shouldn't matter. They are whether or not you see it or believe it trying and coming to terms with things. Habbits that have going on for most of peoples lives takes years to change. In the mean time they come here for the support.

[lil.michelle]

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I really don't mean that post in a bitchy way *lol* just trying to put why i think it happens!Hope you're ok tho. It's very unlike you to be upset or angryish. Message me if you want to talk Xxx

[one2many]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

I am not here to offend Michelle, this is my opinion of which I am entitled.

I have seen long term people on here fail time and time again but get up and do something different, try something else, it may not work but they are TRYING.......

I have always been supportive on this site and I know others will vouch for that.

People can fail each and every day but what annoys me is when they come back and get the hugs and kisses and it doesn't matter's..there is no accountability. Just another slip..not WHY is happened....How to recognise the triggers so it doesn't happen again....

That to me is not supporting, it is enabling..

[one2many]

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X posted Michelle.

[Doggygirl]

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Oney, I'm glad you made this post. If it is the necessary wake up call for even ONE person on this forum, then all the crap you will take for making it (and I will take for joining you) is all worth while.

lil.michelle, I empathize with the struggling, active alcoholic. Been there and done that for many years myself. If you continue believing that there are just some things in life that are SO bad, and SO unique, and SO horrible that it is worth drinking over, then you might never get sober. The only way for me to stay sober is to make a firm decision that there is absolutely NOTHING that I will drink over. NOTHING.

A man who has helped me greatly on my path to sobriety is dying of Stage 4 cancer. He's been through a treatment protocol that seemed worse than the illness. And after all that, he is dying anyway. If that's not enough to drink over, then there is NOTHING going on in my life worth drinking over.

You do have to want it (sobriety) in order to have a chance at getting it.

If what you want from this forum is support in your quest to stop drinking, you can find that. If what you want from this forum is support for how horrible your problems are, and how it's just too difficult to stop drinking in light of your rotten life, then you can find that too. It's always a matter of choice.

DG

[one2many]

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Thanks SO much DG, I was debating about it for a while because I KNEW I would get backlash but I might as well say it than think it.

I hope it is a wake up call for somebody....

[beagle]

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oh wow one2 & dg good posts.like you say in your sig dg, misery is optional.i'm sorry but i am not succeeding in my trying right now.
i try not to be frivolous or dismissive in the enormity of my failures....

[tlrgs]

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yep in life somethings are worth trying... just because one day you just might get what you have been working for
thankx for sharing oney and everyone all have good points here

[Doggygirl]

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Beagle, there is no need to apologize to anyone here. The important thing is that you are sincerely looking for support in a real effort to stop drinking, not looking for someone to tell you it's OK that you drank. It's never OK when alcholics drink. Never. It will kill us.

I will use an example from the AF Daily Thread, just because it happens to be one that I post to daily. The posters on that thread are not without struggle, and not without relapse. Relapse is certainly met with understanding. We've all been there. But it is also met with specific suggestions for the relapser to consider about how to revise their plan. Never are these situations met with a sense that drinking is ever OK. For alcoholics it's NOT ever OK.

That is a very different kind of "support" than what I believe Oney is talking about.

DG

[tiptronic_ct]

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Great posts, Oney & DG

[JackieClaire]

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Oney and DG,
Fantastic posts both of you and thanks for string the thread. I know exactly where you're both coming from.
I have never had a bump or a slip. I have had full blown relapses. I have used every excuse under the sun to allow me to drink.
This year I have had a dear friend die suddenly, my beloved godfather died, my darling son left home for his new job and we have narrowly avoided bankruptcy. Did I drink ..........Hell no, because it's just not worth it.

I struggled for 7 years before I found MWO. I had psychiatrists, therapists and AA for a short while. I still have my Big Book and find it a real comfort.

So if something's not working try something new. Make a plan, if that plan fails make another plan. Do whatever it takes if you want and need sobriety enough.

[momof3]

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Oners,

You have my support and agreement on this one. While I certainly understand (and the research supports) that it takes many "trys" before an alcohol abuser finally gets it and stops for good, I don't think we are doing anyone any favors by repeatedly saying "It's okay", or something of that nature. This is enabling, not support.

There is an article entitled "Fifty One Things You Should Know About Addiction and Recovery" posted in Monthly Abstinence Forum in the Toolbox Thread (fantastic article everyone. I would highly suggest reading it). Number #28 really speaks really to this.

28) The typical addict or alcoholic is motivated to change primarily through pain. Offer them a lavish lifestyle and all the money in the world if they stop using drugs and this will never be enough. But if they become miserable they just might do something about their problem. This is why in Al-anon they teach people to stop enabling others. If you are denying an addict of their pain then you are preventing them from moving closer to change. You don?t have to deliberately try to hurt the addict. Just let them have the pain they create for themselves. It will be the thing that drives them to change one day.

As DG points out (she's so wise at such a tender age of 29), the type of support we should give one another is to ask the right questions or to offer specific suggestions from our own experience.

My heart goes out to all who are struggling. I have been there and I could be there again if I become too complacent. You always have my support. But, you will never hear me say "It's okay..." I will ask you questions such as "What happened?" "What caused you to drink again?" "What did you learn?" "What changes do you need to make in your plan?" How can I/we help?

Special hugs to you Beagle.

M3

[fennel]

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For those of you who are so angered by the struggling alcoholics of this board, I suggest a simple remedy. It's called the "ignore" feature, and it's wonderful.

[lil.michelle]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

I'm sorry, i didn't mean to upset. I myself have messed up many times and have been sober many times and yes i feel like straggling people to get the message through, i just think that if we are harsh on people it will push them away and they will not even bother trying.
one2many - you've been there for me from the start and one of the people who have made a real differece in my life and you have supported me from day one so no harm meant. I agree with you completely but it's a hard balance to do... support people but want to strangle them at the same time.... Does that make sense??
Sorry, i really meant no harm you've been amazing to me the whole way through and your advice has always helped. I don't for one second say you're not supporting or helping people and i really do agree but it's a hard one and the post may upset people or stop people from posting...
Sorry, i find it hard to write things online without pissing people off =(
Big hugs One2many... sorry