WAKE UP PEOPLE!

[one2many]

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AFM, we are not talking about not giving support, we are talking about giving the wrong type of support and that is to tell an alcoholic that it is ok to drink....it isn't

[gyco]

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hahahaha.im late ,hi onester,bin busy at gettin bak to work,love your post,get on the wagon or f.? off hahahha,your blunt my dear,welcom to sobriety,one of the reasons why people drink,is they cant figure out wht they want to do,,theyve been in another world so long,it will take years for them to adjust to reality,whatever tht mite be,i said it a long time ago,the longer you hv sobriety the more nuts you find out how society is,hahahah,im glad you broke the ice,now maybe som will actually be honesttttttttt?again im not the ma her rash ma or nothing,but hav a good evening gyco

[gyco]

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hi onster hahahaha

[gyco]

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hahahha,put off holy shit go to rehab and youll see put off hahahahaha

[gyco]

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im sober onester onester hehehehe

[one2many]

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Gyco, you CRACK me up...I miss you xx

[gyco]

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not here to crak you up people hav to wake them self up to reality,holy shettttttttttt,she s got baklls to say wht she did she s for crying out loud sayinf she s frustrated and people gotthe gall to come on and say your offended yikkkkkks giv me a brake

[Kimberley]

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Hi all,

I want to post on this thread as it is interesting. There are a lot of complexities and I can see several different perspectives on this argument, so I hope I can come across clearly.

Over the past year I have turned into a serial relapser after previously managing to get a fairly large chunk of AF time under my belt. Oney, when I first read your post I thought, God is this about me? OK not me specifically, but posters like me who have been following this sort of pattern. I will admit reading it did cut me a little to my oversensitive quick. I also looked at your comments and thought Gosh am I guilty also of patting people on the head when they post about lapsing or slipping and saying 'there, there'? Maybe.

I think that is one of the dangers of posting this sort of thing, even if not intentional. As many of us are practically made of eggshells instead of skin and bone, we are likely to take this personally.

Having said that about the thread itself, I think that you have explained that it is not about being harsh on people for their failures, but about encouraging constructively and also making people aware of when they are bullsh*tting themselves. I have often bullsh*t myself, but I don't think I have ever posted on here when I was doing that - I usually just kept my self-delusions to myself and talked myself into drinking in private.

I have been in a bad place over the past six months of REALLY wanting help, trying but being unable to get back my momentum, stop-starting with being sober and then bingeing. When I look back through some of my threads from the past 6 months where I was really trying but also really struggling, yes I was failing but I know in my heart I was trying and I think others seemed to respond to that genuineness and did offer me support.

And for anyone who has taken the OP's words as a bit harsh or cold - guess who was the first to offer me encouragement of this sort, along with many others of you. Yes, Oney. This is a perfect example of how it is supposed to be done: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...sad-44277.html

I think most of us have all the time in the world for people who are genuinely trying even if they fail often - it is the nature of addiction for this to be the case, most of us take ages to 'get it' and then even when we think we've got it something goes wrong, we lose it and have a hard time finding it again.

What I think we get frustrated with is when we don't regard people as trying. I call people in that situation 'not ready', and who knows if they ever will be. I think I have a lot more patience than most for people in that situation, just because that's the way I am. I will never be a butt-kicker - it's not in my nature - and I will never be anything but gentle with people on this board. So I am not going to stop 'there, there-ing' people, but I would like to think I can count myself as one of those who will add to the comforting pat on the head, suggestions for what to do next.

I am willing to help the people here time and time again if they fail - because I know I have too and I know how hard it is and I know that hard words would only hurt me more and make my self-esteem even lower. So personally I am not prepared to take the risk of hurting someone like that if I can't honestly tell from words on a screen whether they are truly trying or not. I think people know on some level if they are kidding themselves and probably don't need me pointing it out to them. That said, I don't think I necessarily indulge people either.

Anyway I hope that made some kind of sense, even if I didn't really reach a concrete conclusion. I know that the people I have most respect for, whether they fail or not, are the people who carry on trying. And I thank each and every one of you who has encouraged me when I needed it in your own individual ways. :h

[gyco]

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i dont com here much eventually you wake up and relise there was a mistake made we drank to much it aint the end of the world

[gyco]

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is it not insane that people goto the same room cause they had a prioblem ,for ten years drinking but it makes it ok to sit with the same peole with same problem for 40 years hellooooooooooo

[gyco]

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theres an old saying think think think,how can you do that when youve been piclked for many years

[KateH1]

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It seems by the tremendous response to this thread that many people have been hungry for some honesty and first and formost true compassion is honest. When I arrived here at mwo, I appreciated honesty and straight talk and boy....I got it! I am grateful to those that cared enough to speak straight up to me and make me truly get to the bottom of what I needed to do to get sober. I do not believe that I had "Years" to continue on the path that I was on. I needed to make the changes in myself to get sober and learn to live sober. No, it is not easy to hear some of the things that we need to hear, but in the end, it is the only way!

I hope that we can get back to disgussing the serious issues here. That we can get back to speaking our own Truth. I have had many newbies here tell me that they are turned off by the BS and enabling that they see here. Many are turned off at the divisiveness that goes on in some threads. This is the fight of our lives! For many of us, it is also the fight for our families, careers and friends. Like it or not, it is not easy and it is not quick and it takes more than taking a pill to push through it! I hope that we can have more threads like this one!!

[gyco]

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o by the way onester i missed you to alls she did was make a comment pounce her o you hurt my feeling wow

[gyco]

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god that fel good letting all tht emotion out,i could of taken it out on someone else gees heaven forbid,,onester thankyou gyco

[Accountable for Me]

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one2many;996076 wrote: AFM, we are not talking about not giving support, we are talking about giving the wrong type of support and that is to tell an alcoholic that it is ok to drink....it isn't

During my time here, when I drank, and I am 'the worse kind of' alcoholic, I've only received encouragement to get back on the wagon. I may be missing the plot with this thread, but, I haven't seen any positive reinforcement for someone to continue drinking.

We all screw up. That is in our nature being addicts. For those who don't then kudos, truly.

There are going to be some people who join and deep down they know they need to stop. Stopping is the problem....

There are also many different types of personalities here. Some act more like care-givers and some are hard-nosed.

I don't know. I really respect you Oney. But, I think even if people mess up continuously, and seek it out here for support; it can only help that individual.

It is a lonely world in this affliction. Someone may just find through the friendships here - condoning or not condoning the drinking enough to quit.

I certainly did.