WAKE UP PEOPLE!

[one2many]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

The thing is AFM, they are not looking for help, they are looking for it to be ok that they drank..it is casually slipped into conversation halfway down a post like saying that they went to the shops and the posts that follow are.."awhh thats ok" "chin up" "you only had a couple" INSTEAD OF.." I am sorry you decided to drink, do you know what triggered it?" "That obviously is not working for you, what are you going to try next"

It is not harsh or mean but it is constructive.

For some people on here, drinking is a matter of life or death, telling them it's OK is NOT...OK.

[gyco]

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i kind of like what accountable said,there are many who should seek help beyond this place,sobriety takees a lot of work,were not care givers,as much as we mt think we are,were drunks,alchoholics drug users,if thats how you want to discribe yourselves,many of the people hav to understand,many of us hav been doin this for years,until i cme to this place i thot i was a failure,as much as i tried,i never had a problem stopping,its staying stopped and wanting to,a young lady pointed out to me,theres no such thing as failure,only if you stop trying,ive never stopped trying,and i no wht i hav to,dont chastise the lady,take what sh e says to heart,sobriety is up to you,and only you,as she said,wake up,gyco

[Accountable for Me]

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K- point taken....

Sorry, like I said, I guess I missed the plot, is all.

[Miss Behaving]

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KateH1;996096 wrote: It seems by the tremendous response to this thread that many people have been hungry for some honesty and first and formost true compassion is honest. When I arrived here at mwo, I appreciated honesty and straight talk and boy....I got it! I am grateful to those that cared enough to speak straight up to me and make me truly get to the bottom of what I needed to do to get sober. I do not believe that I had "Years" to continue on the path that I was on. I needed to make the changes in myself to get sober and learn to live sober. No, it is not easy to hear some of the things that we need to hear, but in the end, it is the only way!

Kate,

I totally agree with your first sentence! And I''ve really been liking how there is a good and honest discussion instead of degenerating into personal abuse. :goodjob:

In the time that I have been on MWO, however, I have wondered whether there are different "cultural" styles of communication that contribute to misunderstandings and sometimes offense being taken unnecessarily. Having family members resident in USA, Australia and NZ, and also having lived in Europe for 3 years has made me realise that being "honest and straight up" is interpreted differently in different places.

[Ringing Cedars]

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I too felt this post was directed at me and can only imagine how others who are struggling would interpret it.

I know that the support that I've received in my journey has been invaluable and helped me to be in a better place than I was 6 months ago. Not perfect but progress.

I congratulate all you who have it down pat but I am thinking the plot has been lost here. I don't recall anyone ever saying go ahead and drink and I don't think it's my place to judge a person's intent here. If you don't wish to offer support to someone then don't. I am thankful for all the support I've received and it has advanced my journey positively.

[one2many]

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Nobody said go ahead and drink RC, people have said it is ok that people have drank....

[Ringing Cedars]

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I don't recall that either Oney. I do know that people will say don't beat yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward.

[one2many]

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It has been said..."not to worry, it's ok, stop upsetting yourself...tomorrow is another day, we love you, was just a little slip".....how is that supporting anyone, it is just enabling them...

[KateH1]

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RC, First of all, there have been no indicators here to identify this thread to any one person, nor group of people. So, I would say that you need to question why you would think this thread was directed at you? Second of all, many people here do not have a choice to continue drinking. Many times you have made it clear that you do not intend to stop drinking, but to control your drinking. That is your choice. But, please remember that for many of us here, there is only the choice of drinking and destroying our health and our lives or not drinking. We must be fair and allow the conversation of going AF and living AF for those that are seeking this and needing this. If it doesn't apply to you, then just let it go. If you find what you are looking for in a differerent thread, than more power to you!

[Ringing Cedars]

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I think those words come from a place of empathy, compassion and personal experience. We know how badly a person feels when they give up their control and lose the plot. If they came here and shared they are looking for someone who knows how they feel and they find it. I would prefer them coming back, being honest and gaining wisdom and support than having to hide away and lose hope. Anyways, we are all entitled to our opinions, frustrations and deciding who and how to support others.

[gyco]

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im leaving,but this has been an interestin thread,one day when youve been working at sobriety for 12 years,off and on,i am not a guru or nothing,but i remmeber being in rehab and saying to a councillor,is it so hard not to drink,she was very honest,if she hant she d be dead,so givin the scenario,would it be so hard,if ive offene i do apoligise,but remember,it is all up to you.if you take the 1st drink,been there done it and still working at it gyco dam i love you all

[Ringing Cedars]

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Katie I really didn't mean me directly, more like a "collective me". And yes I hope that everyone that joins MWO finds a supportive place. I am happy to have found a "home" here.

[KateH1]

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Ringing Cedars;996154 wrote: I think those words come from a place of empathy, compassion and personal experience. We know how badly a person feels when they give up their control and lose the plot. If they came here and shared they are looking for someone who knows how they feel and they find it. I would prefer them coming back, being honest and gaining wisdom and support than having to hide away and lose hope. Anyways, we are all entitled to our opinions, frustrations and deciding who and how to support others.

RC~Speaking from personal experience. I did not commit to going AF until I had been at MWO for 3 months. Many times, I came here and spoke about my horrible drinking experience. I also posted while drinking and had to come back and face what I had done and apologize. I believe that was all part of the process for me. I appreciated the members here who asked me why I CHOSE to Drink and what I could do differently to prevent more of the same. Accepting the consequences of my own actions was very, very hard, but, I truly believe that it was part of my sobriety in the end!

I would ask you to just accept that compassion comes in many forms and absolutely no one on this thread has shown a lack of compassion. Honesty and compassion are not at odds with each other.

[Ringing Cedars]

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Honesty and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Of course.
And I guess I'm missing all these posts where people are just given a pat and sent on their way. I see lots of suggestions and sharing of experience and we don't always know what is being pm'd to people.

[NoraC]

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Kimberley - Excellent post. Thank you for putting it into words for me.