WAKE UP PEOPLE!
I see this as the problem:
I read that before I left for work this morning and worried that the last phrase would never be addressed. It was not. Why not?
And then others who expressed similar concerns were shut down and treated in a dismissive fashion. I think it's really important, whether it's a teenager or stressed out new mom or someone in recovery, to keep them talking (as hellish as it is sometimes). The risk of going overboard on the whole "tough love" angle is that is shuts people down. It may feel like mighty goodness to the one dishing it out, but the one on the receiving end may have a whole 'nother experience.
I get some of the things expressed in this thread. When I seem someone who claims to want to be AF but has not actually made the decision to even try to quit, I want to throttle said person. But, as another poster pointed out, not everyone on this site is bent on abstinence the way that I am. The founder of this very site embraces moderation.
I have seen the "pat on the head" posts, given to people who claim to want to be AF
and keep drinking, but not on the General Forum. Mostly what I see here is the: "What went wrong?" and discussion of how to approach whatever situation differently.
I think it's really important to not downtalk to or demonize the people on this thread who worried about that an "in your face" approach is going to stifle honesty and communication. Their concern is very valid.
My kid bro was an alcoholic extraordinaire. A terribly shy man, with zero self-esteem and no social skills, but he had a huge fear of people, especially authority figures. He went to an AA meeting once, where he was told the old AA line that is so loved by BB-thumpers everywhere: "Take the cotton out of your ears and stuff it in your mouth." I'm sure it felt really good and powerful for the person who made that statement. My brother never went to another AA meeting. What a damn shame, what a fabulous opportunity wasted - and what a common occurrence that sort of thing is in the ranks of AA. I wonder what kind of support he'd have been given on MWO (which didn't even exist at the point that he died).
I'd sure hate to see that sort of thing become the norm the here. I'd more than hate it - I'd wage war against it. But a lot of people who come here came from a recovery industry that embraces that sort of non sense. I hope that people remember that when they choose to respond (and it's always a choice - if you're bugged, don't respond) to someone who is struggling.
I see this as the problem:
mama bear;995667 wrote: yes you did. And I can take it. But some can't. That's all I am saying...and I probably should have not said anything!
And then others who expressed similar concerns were shut down and treated in a dismissive fashion. I think it's really important, whether it's a teenager or stressed out new mom or someone in recovery, to keep them talking (as hellish as it is sometimes). The risk of going overboard on the whole "tough love" angle is that is shuts people down. It may feel like mighty goodness to the one dishing it out, but the one on the receiving end may have a whole 'nother experience.
I get some of the things expressed in this thread. When I seem someone who claims to want to be AF but has not actually made the decision to even try to quit, I want to throttle said person. But, as another poster pointed out, not everyone on this site is bent on abstinence the way that I am. The founder of this very site embraces moderation.
I have seen the "pat on the head" posts, given to people who claim to want to be AF
and keep drinking, but not on the General Forum. Mostly what I see here is the: "What went wrong?" and discussion of how to approach whatever situation differently.
I think it's really important to not downtalk to or demonize the people on this thread who worried about that an "in your face" approach is going to stifle honesty and communication. Their concern is very valid.
My kid bro was an alcoholic extraordinaire. A terribly shy man, with zero self-esteem and no social skills, but he had a huge fear of people, especially authority figures. He went to an AA meeting once, where he was told the old AA line that is so loved by BB-thumpers everywhere: "Take the cotton out of your ears and stuff it in your mouth." I'm sure it felt really good and powerful for the person who made that statement. My brother never went to another AA meeting. What a damn shame, what a fabulous opportunity wasted - and what a common occurrence that sort of thing is in the ranks of AA. I wonder what kind of support he'd have been given on MWO (which didn't even exist at the point that he died).
I'd sure hate to see that sort of thing become the norm the here. I'd more than hate it - I'd wage war against it. But a lot of people who come here came from a recovery industry that embraces that sort of non sense. I hope that people remember that when they choose to respond (and it's always a choice - if you're bugged, don't respond) to someone who is struggling.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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