WAKE UP PEOPLE!

[Ringing Cedars]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Biting my tongue driver. This is not a new issue and the views have all been made known before. Carry on the best we can getting a healthy, happy productive life.

[rubywillow]

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Driver, we need to be VERY careful when talking about specific people we don't know personally. There may be more to a situation than what you think.

[KateH1]

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This is so excellent it bears repeating! Thank you Green one!

greeneyes;996492 wrote: What a great thread!

Recently I was reading about the ego and the things it tries to do to maintain it's status within us. It needs a victim story to justify undesirable feelings and actions it may have for whatever reason.For there to be a victim story, there must be a perpetrator upon whom these undesirable thoughts, feelings are projected, taking the heat off the ego for those undesirable traits. Victim storys need listeners. The ego will seek out listeners and heartily defend itself against non-supporters of the victim story. Hopefully, the person is able to work through the reasons, and thereby discover the victim story doesn't hold water and is able to release it and move on. An indian tribe's approach was given. A person who was feeling a a victim was allowed to appear in the circle of members and carry on with the victim story will full abandon while the members validated the story. Three times. That was it. Then the tribe's position turns to one of "OK, we've listened as a sounding board 3 times and supported it and now we're done. We will not listen anymore. Do something about your problem now." There's more to it, but you get the idea.

Greenie, this is so well put! It really cuts to the heart of the matter! So often there are people here that continuously manipulate others by using their story to do so! By playing the "Weak and Helpless" role and using Their Story, they continue to garner the center of attention spot and engage others in their addictive behaviors. These peope usually find a group that will enable them! Sad but True.

I think in some ways MWO is like the tribe and addiction is like the issue, and we all have a story - for a while. I think some are victims longer than others and will find those to support that position. So you get a mix like this. Some will continue to validate and some will move to a different form of support, call it tough love or whatever you want. It isn't right or wrong, it's just where people (the storyteller and the listener) are at any given point in time. I do think though that in a broader sense (think universe), that we as a humans are needing to wake up as a shift in consciousness is occurring. It is not a good time to be an alcoholic victim living in a haze. Perhaps Oney's choice of the words WAKE UP was not coincidental. I think inherent in the urging to move forward is goodness of spirit.

Well, I do get out there sometimes, eh? Thanks for listening if you made it this far.

[headstrong]

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driver;996500 wrote: Your words, this thread remind me so much of some one on the "get Your Asses in Gear" thread. That person on that thread does not have any plan of stopping, they buy alcohol for their kids when the kids come over and then gets drunk and doesnt care! This is the type of person this thread is about. Those that just want to hang out on MWO and continue to drink and have the nerve to try to give newbies advice. They bring nothing of value to the site, they only make MWO look like a safe haven for people that want to feel ok about drinking. Clearly not looking for help - just has no life I guess.

But the Get Your Asses in Gear thread is a safe place to be - everbody say so. Rubywillow and tlgrs and Mamabear and Ringingcedars and Panno and NoraC and Sunshinedaisies and Bird and all the others. But I think only Rubywillow and tlrgs have been AF for some time so that's why all the others feel safe there and if they went to Long Term Abstainers thread or the Underoos and Friends thread or the Army Thread, they'd be in the company of many long-time AF members and then they wouldn't be safe and so they better stay with the Arses thread.
Head

[K9Lover]

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I agree with Oney that hearing the same people say the same thing over and over is tiring. I get exhausted encouraging the same few people every 2-3 days. I'm not trying to be offensive here, just stating how I feel.

[fennel]

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driver;996500 wrote: Your words, this thread remind me so much of some one on the "get Your Asses in Gear" thread. That person on that thread does not have any plan of stopping, they buy alcohol for their kids when the kids come over and then gets drunk and doesnt care! This is the type of person this thread is about. Those that just want to hang out on MWO and continue to drink and have the nerve to try to give newbies advice. They bring nothing of value to the site, they only make MWO look like a safe haven for people that want to feel ok about drinking. Clearly not looking for help - just has no life I guess.

Ah...I see this is your "first" post...really? :H

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

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I agree Sheri, post 1 by 'new member Driver' and post 3 by 'new member Headstrong'.
Seriously if you have something constructive or even critical to say then say it but hiding behind new persona in order to stir things up is just pathetic imo. Then again if they went to the bother of creating new accounts no matter how long ago with that intent then I am sure I am wasting my time.

[NoraC]

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Thank you Sheri & KTAB.
I hope that making such hurtful posts really made their day. I have never met a perfect person before so they must really be enjoying themselves.
They have no idea what is going on with the people they are talking about. I was included in one of those posts and I resent that. They do not know me and have never talked to me at all. I have posted or chatted with many of you that have commented on this thread. I have found your advise helpful for the most part. I have already said that I understand where you are coming from but that I take a gentler approach to help steer people. However, to make a direct attack towards specific people is absolutely ridiculous. I hope that the moderators can remove that post.
In addition, I want to make something absolutely clear. I joined the Get Your Ass in Gear thread and I have now managed over 6 weeks AF. That is the first time in years that I have done that. So, I would have to say that the support that I am getting there is truly helping me. How dare you make such snap judgments when you don?t even know the people you are talking about!? I have met truly wonderful people on this forum and they are helping me Find My Way Out.
Another point that I wish to make is some people are not trying to be AF. They plan to moderate. So, for Driver and Headstrong, please get your facts straight before you attack people that you do not know. I know that there are some people that live to be hateful and hurtful, I am not one of them.

[fennel]

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Well said, Nora. :h

[mama bear]

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Bravo Nora.....I have found recent sobriety too with the support of my friends there. Because we are kind and loving and supportive, we have created an unbeliavable family. The kindness shown me after my recent job loss was unbelievable. And we give tough love, since everyone is so interested in reading our thread, but we do it gently.
And we don't name names in public......

[TrappedDad]

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I was told by someone that I should ignore this thread because I have not been here long enough and it would probably piss me off and eventually push me away. I don't take advice well, and so I have been quietly reading, agreeing here and there, and disagreeing where I see fit. You see, I have a drinking problem. I came here first because of the "My Way Out" program, which means, read the book, and follow the program. I am on week 3. That is why I first came here. Because of the BOOK. However, since then, I decided to join the online community which over the last 3-4 years has turned into something much different than the original published MWO program. That being said, one thing I have noticed, is that there are all kinds of people and situations on this forum. There are those trying to follow the original program like me to find my way out. There are people modifying the original program to fit their needs. There are those that went cold turkey, went to rehab, trying to moderate, abstain, pick back up, start, not drink, drink only on holidays, figure out their faith, deal with drunk husbands, deal with loneliness, find their feet, find God, figure out what 1 day AF looks like (that's me), and then there are even those that have made it out. They have become long term abstainers or long term moderaters...

I haven't been here long, but one thing I do know is this. EVERYONE here needs SOMEONE here. I understand that the dynamics of the human spirit is to fight, and when we don't understand another's point of view we tend to lash out and create battles. Wars are started this way!!! Again, I am new here, and I am not going anywhere anytime soon. I am a 38 year old male, with 2 young boys, and a wife. I have a drinking problem. I am an executive at a software firm, and I might not have much advice about how to get sober or how to moderate, but I do know what anger and malice can do to a community when left unmoderated and uncontrolled.

Much love people. Don't lose focus on what this community is here for!!

[Chillgirl]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Trapped Dad - Thanks for your wonderful post and many congrats on week 3 :l

[KateH1]

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Nora, KTAB and Sherrie, I can definitely see how annoying it is that people seem to create new names just to post their thoughts which may not be well received. I can understand when people might feel quite sensitive when a thread that they enjoy and feel a part of are criticised. I think that people have choices here on which conversations they want to be a part of of not. People also have a right to be who they are without feeling that they will be personally attacked. I am tired of the devisivness of some people on some threads, not all, but some.

Yesterday right here on this thread, long termers were slammed and wild accusations were made. I and many others here just considered the source and moved on. Yes, that was an Attack!

I do not believe that there are any "Private or Exclusive Threads", people may read or post wherever they choose. Personally, I detest the devisiveness that I see in this post, above. This is not high school, we are all adults. We all have struggles that we deal with, many here have suffered job loss, loss of family members and friends and struggles we know nothing about. We all both give and receive support here at MWO. So I say, give this crap a rest! If you do not like what is being expressed, then express your view point or not and and leave it at that! Since others have posted since I wrote this I need to clarify that I am responsding in part to MBears post.

And Trapped, thank you for your post. No one should every warn anyone about participating here. Congratulations on week 3!

[NoraC]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Thank you Trap - excellent post.:goodjob:

[gyco]

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hi all,only if we lived in a perfect world,i thot this thread was over,life is what it is,only the individual person can change there situation,it is saddening how people can blow one s thot so far out of proportion,isnt it odd,when were drinkin g we do that,and now tha many are some wht sober,we still do it,someone once asked me how long i drank,i said 40 years,i wined and wined about why it was taking so long,sobriety,his thot was,it will take as long for our mind[brain] to adjust to not drinking,amagine that.i now no what he ment,again onester,great thread,but as i said b4,were dealing with addiction,nasty,gyco