WAKE UP PEOPLE!

[driver]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Sheri;996800 wrote: Sorry Sunny, but if someone crosses the line, which Driver and Headstrong definitely did, they need to be called on it, otherwise the wrong message gets sent that it's OK to sign up as a ficticious member to slam people and cause dissention. It's just wrong and I really wish there was something the Forum Moderators could do to prevent it from happening because it's not the first time it's happened. I personally feel that as a group, we need to let these posters know that it's not OK.

Talk about attacking people you dont even know...

[driver]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Topsy-Turvy-Tracy;996802 wrote: The cowardly wonderland of sock-puppetry does not seem like the hobby of someone who has both feet firmly planted in recovery.
:tsk::tsk:

My incination is to ignore the advise from such posts, which is fortunate since I find a lot of support and grounded information in that thread.

Actually I have been sober for 15 months. The reason I have a right to be upset like Oney is because some people come and settle here and make a mockery of the struggles and accomplishments that so many of us make. This site is for those that want to stop drinking - truly stop drinking.

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

driver;997350 wrote: This site is for those that want to stop drinking - truly stop drinking.

No it is not. Obviously, you have not read the book, know nothing about the person who started this site and haven't been around on it much if you can make such a blatantly incorrect statement.

I do not believe your claim to sobriety. Not for a moment. Your claim that other people struggling makes a mockery of your "accomplishment" is very revealing, and it is exactly the kind of sentiment that should be roundly ignored.

[TrappedDad]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Driver, Tracy is right. The original My Way Out program was designed for those seeking moderation and then later adopted for those who might want to seek abstinence. It only makes sense that those who seek long term abstinence are those who struggle with alcoholism or severe problem drinking and therefore have made this forum a home. Therefore this "community" section of the mywayout.org website does appear to be for people who are trying to quit drinking all together. But don't get confused. And this is for everyone, newcomers and oldtimers, EVERYONE HERE NEEDS SOMEONE HERE. PERIOD.

Now let the anger and drama stop please. This thread is killin my mojo man!

[TrappedDad]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

I think everyone needs a laugh...

Joke of the Day: Funny Videos

[Choochie]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

I'm actually liking this thread. It's helping me understand the different points of view on how to respond to others. If reading this bothered me, I would just avoid the thread. For me, though, the debate is worthwhile and I'm learning from it.

[Wagoneer]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Wow, what a thread this was! I wasn't going to read it, but my curiosity got the best of me. Oney's original post was very thought provoking and really made me sit up and think. I have been around here for a few years. In fact Oney was very supportive when I first joined and I always thought her posts were insightful and incredible honest. I learned so much from her. At that time I actually had another screen name and posted quite regularly, but I got my feelings hurt a few times so I took my bottle and went home. BIG BABY. I rejoined under the name Wagoneer because I kept jumping on and off the wagon like an idiot. During that time between though, I always read the posts, but did not want to throw my hat in the specifically for the reason Oney stated. I would go a week, maybe three and fall back into the wine again. I only posted maybe twice about it, but that was enough. Got alot of well meaning "that's okay, get back on track..." and it seemed to just reinforce the message that if I slip, oh well...and for me it is TOTALLY NOT OK. That is why I stopped posting for a while. I need to be responsible for myself, and I should not let people's "forgiveness" of my bad behavior be an excuse to drink, but I guess that is how I am wired. I am just looking for an excuse to have a glass or two. Maybe this sounds like a bunch of crap, but I am sincere. I am only on day 5 AF so I am still struggling. I was not a raging alcoholic, no withdrawals etc. but I have a problem with booze and I am here for support and friendship. And true friends will kick me in the ass when needed.

[KateH1]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Many here have talked about the fact that MWO was originally started for people seeking to successfully Monderate. This is true. The book My Way Out was written primarily about learning to live successfully while Moderating with the help of Topamax, Exercise, Self Hypnosis and Supplements. Moderating as described in the book is Not Daily Drinking, Drinking to Excess, nor continuously fighting the negative and harmful affects of alcohol. Moderation is described as being able to take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol. Having NO Compulsion to over do it and definitely not a continuous battle with alcohol in order to continue to abuse oneself. Unfortunately the term "Moderation" no longer seems to hold true with the original intention of Roberta Jewel. Anyone truly wanting to try the MWO path to moderation should really read and follow the book to see if it works for them!

Moderation and perpetually "Slipping" are not the same, not even close.

Just some food for thought!
Kate

[Sunnyvalenting]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Is anyone here moderating in the very way Kate describes? If so please raise your hand.
Sunny

[dancelot]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

from Sheri Hi K9L,

The other important thing to mention is that when you slipped, you were also very grateful to those who offered you advice and support. But, there are some who come here that ask for advice, you give it to them, some of us with great detail, and they disappear from the thread they started without even so much as an acknowledgement or thank you to the people that responded to their plea, only to come back time and time again posting "Oops, I did it again...anyone got any advice."
I have felt frustration in these situations. Sapphire's advice helps here.

That was my understanding of the type of poster that Oney was referring to. I think it's human nature to want to help someone in need, and the thing that I always try to keep in mind when I respond to the serial slippers, is that even if what I write doesn't help them, hopefully someone else in need will benefit.

Sheri
I have had this situation too - someone else will post and thank me, because the post gave them a lightbulb moment or a new tool, or said something they'd heard, but didn't get before.

Maybe it just doesn't make sense to the person it was a response too. Or maybe just not at this time? I can think back to times in my life where something I heard made no sense at all, and then months or even years later, it clicks.

I also think of how I was when I was still drinking. I remember that at around 30 days AF, I marveled at how different my thought processes were. Lots of stuff made a whole lot more sense. I had dreaded giving up alcohol, even though I was at the point I had too (or be sick or dead). After 30 days I was what the hell was I even thinking before? It's a catch 22. I had to be sober to realize it, but first I had to get sober. I had to get to a low enough point before I was willing to. I knew for years, but didn't want to. No guilt, no reasons or excuses, just denial. I also wouldn't have wasted a minute on this place if I didn't want to do something about it. I think this is why, if someone is not there yet, all the reasoning in the world won't necessarily get them there. That's one possibility anyway.


sapphire1;996996 wrote: My take on giving advice to those who ask is this......I give to the best of my ability and with the wisdom of my own experiences

I try to go this route these days. I can be true to my beliefs, not sugar coat the facts, while at the same time remain neutral. I can tell what worked for me and pass that information on.


and in doing so, I have no vested interest in whether they take it or not....I am not expecting anything in return or attached to any outcome from the exchange. Therefore, I feel no frustration, anger, disappointment etc. if the outcome doesnt meet my expectations (because there are none). This to my way of thinking is a non-conditional helping relationship. Of course I am thrilled when people do well and kick goals, but I take no personal credit from their success. Unconditional advice is healthy and sustainable for the giver.

Something else I learned - "let it go." That's not to say these feelings will not ever come up, but if I find myself getting too emotionally involved, or upset, I'm hurting only myself. I can't control other people. I can limit what threads I read, or stay away totally, or use the "ignore" feature. I am first and foremost concerned with my own sobriety.

We all have different life experiences, circumstances, maybe other underlying issues that color our own needs, perceptions and reactions. I try to keep this in mind. I need to worry about myself first, hopefully help somebody else second, and give the benefit of a doubt to the rest.

Really good points, Sheri and Sapphire! Thanks for the thought provoking thread, Oney!

[sick of being sick]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

I read this entire thread and I appreciate many of the points made. I do feel as if some of you directed your posts at me and I can certainly understand why, but you really don't know me. I am not waisting my time playing games here because "I do not have a life". I desperately want to quit drinking. I used to drink everyday, but now only on occassions. Do I want to drink? NO! Yes, I have made many mistakes and I have learned from them and yes "I do have the nerve to give advice" to others what I have learned on this journey to GET and STAY sober. I love others and want o help them. I am so very thankful for my home thread "Get your ass in gear" and the many wonderful, compassionate, caring friends I have made there. We support one another, but I don't believe anyone there is enabling me to drink. I would have gave up trying a long time ago if it wasn't for these friends. No, I don't think it is "ok" to drink. I desperately try not to. I live with an alcoholic that drinks every day and I have learned to live with that without drinking, but other occassions, I do slip and drink, not because I want to, but because I am weak and I am still learning how to resist drinking around others, mainly my kids. Ruby gives me great advice and tells me the truth. I never feel like they are enabling me or attacking me. I feel like they are loving me throught this tough journey to get sober. I really hate that I have offended anyone. I am trying very hard to quit drinking. That is the ONLY reason I am here. Maybe this thread has opened my eyes and made me "wake up", so thank you for all your posts.

[red67]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

WOW Sick of being Sick you really are stronger than you think. That was an awesome post. I've seen so many get their feelings hurt by much less than was said here. I do not know enough about everyone to know who the original post was directed at but if you feel it was you - you handled it VERY WELL! (ok i re read every post on here and I think only "driver" tried to single someone out - don't worry about whoever that is cause it looks like they are just trying to stir up trouble) I have limited my posting here because I have not been able to stop drinking, although I am doing better. I can say just reading the posts on here everyday helps me tremendously. Every posting whether it be from the long term AF, the "slippers" or the daily drinkers looking for help (and yes even multiple times) helps me. I use all the information to try and figure out what works and doesn't work for me. This struggle is so hard and I hope everyone finds their way out of this.

Thank you to all of you here and I hope to one day soon be where you long term AF are:thanks:

[spuddleduck]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

im in a bit of a bother now. i came on here today to confess ive been quite rubbish on the drinking front.no one to blame but weak alcoholic me. no pity or sympathy wanted. i just wanted to be honest and accountable. now what exactly am i supposed to do. i feel if i say ive messed up i will be chastised as one of these people that have been around for a while and keep drinking. do i lie, in which case what is the point, ive lied enough about drinking in my life i dont want to do it anymore. I AM TRYING. im trying very very hard. this time last year i couldnt get 2 days together without drinking. im ignoring my own advice here by reading and posting on this thread as i always say ignore a thread if it bothers you. surely we can all be here and take what we need from the forum without making others uncomfortable about what they post. im confused!!!???

[Peacefull]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Late in getting in on this thread and really don't have much to add except this line in one of Oney's posts:

INSTEAD OF.." I am sorry you decided to drink, do you know what triggered it?" "That obviously is not working for you, what are you going to try next"

This is both supportive and sympathetic without being enabling to someone who is really going through a rough patch.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes......:l

[bear73]

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

as a serial relapser - I AM trying - how can anyone tell anyone they're not, they're not in their head? The plan may not work but you can't definitively say that someone else isn't trying. BUT I agree that we need the challenges 'what happened,what will you do differently' - 'It's ok' doesn't help anyone - you need to unpick what went wrong/do soemthign different. It just may take a few goes before it sticks.

Stopping drinking/smoking/any drug is hard and addiction by its nature means people will relapse.

So, I agree and disagree with you Oney - I wouldn't want to feel I couldn't post if I'd lapsed - BUT as I posted last time - what can anyone say - it's all been said?I don't expect much input as it has all been said - It's up to me.