Is this really who I am

[jada]

x

[Rusty-576]

Is this really who I am

Jada you have been a good friend and supporter of me....I can not think of a better person than the one looking back in the mirror every morning when you get ready for the day.....you are not a missfit, you are simply under the spell of al....I know how you feel, I walked in those shoes for to many years to mention...... I blocked it for years too...I was hiding in that bottle...and felt that I did not deserve anything...but as the time goes on I know that I am worth much more than I gave myself credit for.... Jada I know you do not see it yet...but you will the longer you are away from our poision

[jada]

Is this really who I am

Rusty, you made me cry because you answered my first real post in just moments of me posting. You are such a good friend. Ours souls comunicate.

[KateH1]

Is this really who I am

Jada, we have shared many a conversation, about family, career, cooking, hobbies etc. etc. I find you to be quite a remarkable woman, somone I would love to spend an afternoon in NY with drinking coffee and getting to know even better. Your love for you family shines through, your value on friendship is so evident in so many ways.....be kind to yourself, as kind as you are to others.

xxx Kate

[Rusty-576]

Is this really who I am

:h hugs :h

[hillsidetime]

Is this really who I am

Hi Jada, your post is very moving, honest, and very philosophical. I think your final line about this being an eternal question, is right on the money. The fact that you help so many people, and are loved by so many (in my books) means you are making a wonderful and positive impact on the world. Not everyone choses to do this. The answers to some of your other questions may have to come from within, however, I have once in a while found keys to those internal answer "locks" through reading on the subject, and thinking. Sometimes I think that these answers are ever changing, and therefore even harder to find. All the best,
Hil

[Kimberley]

Is this really who I am

Jada,

I feel exactly the same as you. I could've written that. I feel like an imposter. Why do all these people love someone who is in fact a totally effed up failure? Why does everyone else see someone worth loving when all I see is a wreck?

I will give you one little thing to think over - if everyone else disagrees with you, maybe you are the one who is wrong :l

K x

ps I'm still getting there myself, still don't believe it but I'm beginning to view it as a possibilty and that's a start

[jada]

Is this really who I am

Thank you Kimberly

I do not have anyone who disagrees with me. That is not the problem.

[Mish]

Is this really who I am

I understand where you're coming from, too, Jada. Just last week a friend told me "I don't know what it is about you, but you're different from everybody else I've ever met...you're really special."
Mostly, all I see is the 'mishmash' that looks back at me in the mirror, a confused mixture of insecurities, messes and failures. (Getting better daily though)
I suspect that because we feel unworthy we overcompensate and feel like we need to constantly give of ourselves to others to earn the right to be among them.

[Dewdrop]

Is this really who I am

Hello Jada,

Your post really resonated with me and I so understand, I'm hopeful that the longer time I have sober the more I can start to appreciate myself as others do and learn to do the inner work that I need to do. It's time I looked after myself and cared for myself the way I do for everyone else around me. Why do we block the love others give us?? I don't know but asking the question is a step towards finding out. Thank you for posting this.

Dewdrop :h

[jada]

Is this really who I am

The hidden answers, how far do we have to dig to find them.

[brittzak]

Is this really who I am

Jada,
Perhaps you over compensate helping others because you feel as though you can't help yourself. Alcohol does not define who we are and we are not failures because we have a problem. In my opinion, we only become a failure if we stop trying. The answers are not as deep as you think, sometimes we just have to be willing to see them. I never thought I would see sober life again. Now, 15 months sober, I can not imagine NOT being sober. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of soul searching. Keep your head up. You are a strong woman.

[Pink Angel]

Is this really who I am

The questions to lifes answers turn up when we are not looking for them hun. Relax and enjoy being you and be kind to you xxoo

[Samantha T.]

Is this really who I am

Oh, Jada....
I sure can relate to your post. I ask myself this very question. Nobody (except my brother) knows how much I suffer alone behind closed doors. On the outside I am this outstanding professional who everyone respects and adores; on the inside, I am lonely and sad and alcohol has been my primary relationship and companion. I think we are afraid to know who we are, at least that is true for me. I feel like I keep myself small and stuck in a tiny box, hidden away from everyone and everything.

One thing I am trying to do is start seeing myself the way others see me, because if I would allow myself to believe as they do, I would really like myself! Maybe you can try doing the same? After all, ALL of those people couldn't be wrong!!

Best to you and a hug from cyberspace :l

Sam