How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

[breaking_the_cycle]

I work as an author and journalist. I have to do a lot of "schmoozing" (networking) with various editors, broadcasters etc. ALL of these activities involve going to "drinks" or attending booze-laden parties or bars. I'm not sure yet whether I intend to be completely AF free forever or to learn to drink in moderation (is it even POSSIBLE to actually drink in moderation?). How do I deal with this? I remember I went alcohol free for one year some years ago and every time I went to a work event people literally hassled me: "go on, have at least one!" "a little glass of red wine won't hurt you. Please!"

Any ideas anyone?

Do you think it's even possible in future to just have a couple glasses of wine at industry events once or twice a week?:new:

[Guitarista]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Hi BTCycle,

It might be possible for you to have a couple of drinks once or twice a week at event's. It's not for me, and not for most folk here. You will need to find this out for yourself, to see what work's/doesn't work for you. I'm a musician, and my workplace is usually a bar/party situation. I'm okay in that environment these day's, in fact i love it, but i had to stay away from bar's and alcohol related events for a few months while i worked on, and slowly strengthened my sobriety. It was far too difficult and tempting for me to be trying to stay off the booze, whilst working or being in a drinking environment. I basically hibernated, and avoided all social event's and interactions until i was strong enough in my resolve with my sobriety. Time and experimenting will give you a clearer picture of your relationship with grog, (if you don't know already) and where you want to go with that. Just be careful, and look after yourself in the process.

Best wishes on your journey, G-bloke.

[gyco]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

who knows

breaking_the_cycle;998714 wrote: I work as an author and journalist. I have to do a lot of "schmoozing" (networking) with various editors, broadcasters etc. ALL of these activities involve going to "drinks" or attending booze-laden parties or bars. I'm not sure yet whether I intend to be completely AF free forever or to learn to drink in moderation (is it even POSSIBLE to actually drink in moderation?). How do I deal with this? I remember I went alcohol free for one year some years ago and every time I went to a work event people literally hassled me: "go on, have at least one!" "a little glass of red wine won't hurt you. Please!"

Any ideas anyone?

Do you think it's even possible in future to just have a couple glasses of wine at industry events once or twice a week?:new:

hi B T C.,anything is possible,if you want to drink,or not,ive stopped many times,then started again,then stop,i dont think that system is a great one,i think its even harder on the body then just over drinking at times,ive also been doin this for26 years,im not stopped,but i also dont have a problem stopping,its only the 1st few days of withdrawl that beats you up,then the work begins,the psycological effect on the mind is amazing,think about it,we wine and cry about our consumption for years,along with hearing complaints from people that watch us,then when we stop we wine and complain on how good it would feel to have a drink,or how much we miss beating ourselves up,its insanity whether we drink or not,as much as peole beleive,it is not a normal function to drink,but some of us when we do,should be put in a nut house,you hav to find a happy spot,i have,i drink,and i beleive its in moderation,wheni feel a twitch like as gettin under the weather[drunk]i stop and eveluate the situation,go to bed,it takes time and hard work,just like stopping,this is a forever thing,which ever way i choose,i hav to be on the guard all the time,i normal drinker doesnt hav that problem,i hav like many a very large addictive personality,in anything i do,anything hope it helps:thanks:gyco

[Brigitte Bardot]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

It's my own personal opinion that a normal drinker does not think of it on a daily basis, they don't keep track of how many AF days they've had or how many drinks they plan on moderating with. My mother is a normal drinker and she does not count drinks, or how many times a week she is going to drink. I unfortunately am not like that. I can't moderate. To me moderating is having a couple drinks at a social function, over dinner with friends, a glass perhaps having a nice warm bath.... But, that is my own personal opinion and mine alone. And there is nothing meant towards others that choose to do that.
I think it's completely possible to do what you suggest, a lot of people can do that. But only really you know the answer since it's your body, your thought process.
Alot of people will ask you drink for many different reasons. Some want to join in on the fun with them; some don't like the thought of drinking alone in front of people, some feel guilty and seeing you drink aleviates that guilt. It can be for any number of reasons. But you do what's right for you. There are a lot of people out there who don't drink, and they have their own reasons for it.
My reasoning these days are I'm trying to be more healthy, people don't have to know your real reason.
All the best to you in whatever you choose!

[hillsidetime]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Hi BTC, you ask some great questions, and you are facing something that gave me a lot of anxiety in my early months - the social aspect.

I know that what others think is not important, but when I went sober, what others thought seemed so important. I was fighting these demons, and it was a private fight. My stupid things I have done while drinking causes so much public talk, I wanted to have no one talk about me. I have only told family and dear friends that I no longer drink. Hockey buddies, colleagues etc, I have not told them. Soon I think I will be ready if it comes up privately, in a caring conversation. At events, I tend to get a club soda, maybe add a little grapefruit juice etc, and I enjoy this drink, and most people assume it is alcoholic. I am not hiding the fact that I am sober, I enjoy the drink (no caffeine, basically no sugar), and it helps keep some of the people from bothering me.

One thing I have noticed, is often, how short lived the pressure to drink from others really is. After they have a few, they don't even notice. Similarily, if you are drinking a diet coke with lime, people assume whatever they want about your beverage, and often don't even ask. In my mind, I always thought everyone was getting loaded at places (like me) it turns out, there is much more of a spectrum from sober to drunk than I realized.

Moderation may truly work for some. For me, no. I know in my heart. Now, I no longer crave the alcohol each day, it does not control my operating system of my brain.

All the best to you,
Hill

[sunshinedaisies]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Hi BTC - for me moderation isn't possible - it has to be all or nothing - it is too much work to have to think about how many or when or what I have already had that week - in short, it is STILL a problem. So, in my opinion, and just for me, the answer is no, no modding. However, for you it may be different. as for social situations - when people tell you to 'just have the one', why not tell them that you are finding that AL makes you feel ill these days or something - that you feel much better when you don't drink - or just laugh and say that you are trying for an AF night or something. When I first quit AL, someone asked me why and I told them 'to prove to me that I can". It amazed me how many people said "yes, I should really do that too". You will have to find your own way - either deciding of you can mod and if you can't, eventually you will find a way to say that you just don't drink!

All the best to you,

Sun x

[breaking_the_cycle]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Thank you very much for all your responses so far.

For me my out-of-control drinking has always taken place in the privacy of my own home. When I'm out in public I never, ever drink to excess. The absolute most I might drink on a night out in front of people is 3 small glasses of wine. It is the evenings I spend at home when the drinking gets out of control and I can chug down a whole bottle of wine.

So I guess if I do drink again in future I would have to make the rule that I would ONLY drink in company of others and in a public place. The greatest danger for me is buying booze and bringing it home. I live alone and so I can get absolutely drunk as anything without anyone to notice or have a go at me. I wouldn't dream of getting drunk or behaving embarassingly in public.

[Lavande]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Hi BTC,

Just wanted to welcome you to MWO, this is a good place!
Like the others, I don't feel that moderation is something I can do so I won't even try. You need to make the best possible decision for you!

I would recommend though going AF for at least 30 days though before thinking about moderating. I started the program hoping that I would be able to drink wine moderately BUT I completely changed my mind after the first 30 days. Like you, I did my heavy drinking at home - never in public. I was trying to 'medicate' away some emotional, personal problems - well, that didn't work!

The Hypno CDs really helped me change my thinking about drinking! I hope you try them, see what happens. At this point I seriously couldn't care less what people think or say. I'm a grown-up & not subject to peer pressure

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

[breaking_the_cycle]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Lavande;998804 wrote: Hi BTC,

Just wanted to welcome you to MWO, this is a good place!
Like the others, I don't feel that moderation is something I can do so I won't even try. You need to make the best possible decision for you!

I would recommend though going AF for at least 30 days though before thinking about moderating. I started the program hoping that I would be able to drink wine moderately BUT I completely changed my mind after the first 30 days. Like you, I did my heavy drinking at home - never in public. I was trying to 'medicate' away some emotional, personal problems - well, that didn't work!

The Hypno CDs really helped me change my thinking about drinking! I hope you try them, see what happens. At this point I seriously couldn't care less what people think or say. I'm a grown-up & not subject to peer pressure

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

Thanks. Giving it 30 days before deciding makes perfect sense.

[Doggygirl]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Can't really add to the great comments you have already gotten! Just wanted to wish you well. I am another one who put myself through a lot of misery before accepting that I cannot drink safely. I can REALLY relate to what you say about drinking smaller amounts in public and then doing your REAL drinking in private. I did that often in my professional life. Many forms of secrecy is a hallmark of our affliction I think.

For me, one drink sets off a craving that I just can't deny. I tried to enforce every rule in the book on myself, and I was just not able to consistently stick to my own rules. Maybe it will be different for you.

It was difficult at first to deal with business functions AF. Now, it's no big deal. I love my sober life and love being free of AL's grip on my life.

Are you going to follow the My Way Out plan? (in the book)

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[mollyka]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Hi BTC, I'm in agreement with all the above and particularly with Lav bout the 30 days. It just seems to clarify your thinking so much - see how you feel then.
I know my Dad used to have to socialise a lot in his job - heaps of business receptions etc etc. He was a completely normal drinker but he had a policy never ever to drink with anyone he worked with. Pretty sensible I think maybe if you're worried about drinking, even tho you say you wouldn't drink much at the social function I spose the risk would be going home and having the 'home' drinks?
Molly

[breaking_the_cycle]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

mollyka;998879 wrote: Hi BTC, I'm in agreement with all the above and particularly with Lav bout the 30 days. It just seems to clarify your thinking so much - see how you feel then.
I know my Dad used to have to socialise a lot in his job - heaps of business receptions etc etc. He was a completely normal drinker but he had a policy never ever to drink with anyone he worked with. Pretty sensible I think maybe if you're worried about drinking, even tho you say you wouldn't drink much at the social function I spose the risk would be going home and having the 'home' drinks?
Molly

One thing for sure - whether I end up drinking at business functions or not - is that I will have to have a 100% ban on having any alcohol in my home. If it's not there, I can't drink it.

[breaking_the_cycle]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

Doggygirl;998869 wrote: Can't really add to the great comments you have already gotten! Just wanted to wish you well. I am another one who put myself through a lot of misery before accepting that I cannot drink safely. I can REALLY relate to what you say about drinking smaller amounts in public and then doing your REAL drinking in private. I did that often in my professional life. Many forms of secrecy is a hallmark of our affliction I think.

For me, one drink sets off a craving that I just can't deny. I tried to enforce every rule in the book on myself, and I was just not able to consistently stick to my own rules. Maybe it will be different for you.

It was difficult at first to deal with business functions AF. Now, it's no big deal. I love my sober life and love being free of AL's grip on my life.

Are you going to follow the My Way Out plan? (in the book)

Strength and hope to you,

DG

Thank you :l

(and no I've not read the book yet)

[breaking_the_cycle]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

I might start seeing alcohol as on a par with heroin. If I was sitting at home in the evenings injecting myself with heroin I would feel truly sordid and an enormous failure. Sadly, sitting sipping champagne made me feel I was rather sophisticated. But surely whether sipping expensive wine or shooting yourself up with heroin - it's all the same thing - an addictive drug!

[mollyka]

How to keep up the good work in the long-term?

To me it would be exactly the same thing. One drink and I might as well stick the needle in my arm