struggling

[spuddleduck]

ive thought all day about if i should post this or not but stuff it. here goes. after falling off the sober bus i set myself for a 'NEW NOVEMBER'. ive been looking at what i did when i stayed sober for 3 months and trying to work out what has gone wrong. i started writing a diary again of my thoughts and feelings. take my tablets (campral) regularly and focus focus focus. so 1st of november on monday and i lasted till friday 5th.RUBBISH. i knew it was gonna be a challange. mr spuds always has a bonfire party.... super spicy hot punch. so i had plan in place. make my al free punch, spend the day cleaning (very much needed) baking and keep out of the way as much as i can. well, i lasted till about 2pm. the fridge was full of beer, i was full of nerves about people coming round. just one little can of cider will take the edge off. ha ha needless to say we can all guess where that ended. burnt flapjack, hotdogs in the dogs and me pissed and annoying.

[spuddleduck]

struggling

sorry i thought i was gonna lose my post cos puter is playing up so ill carry on rambling. my sister has been home for a couple of weeks and im so upset that i have disapointed her.. ive been telling her how well ive been doing.... but all evidence showed differently, though im a hell of a lot better than last time she came home..... couldnt be much worse. i feel i need to get in my head with a torch and some spanners and tools to find out whats going on in there cos i sure as hell dont seem to be getting it. my latest plan is to draw a ladder (someone else did this) with days up the ladder. starting at 30 days. maybe this is the problem. aiming too high. my first aim was 5 days and i was over the moon when i got there. SO WHAT WENT WRONG?????? i dont want a pat on the head and be told its ok but i dont want to be told im rubbish cos i already know that. just a bit of advice maybe. it may seem im not trying but i am. i find its consuming all my thoughts and then i make mistakes in other things cos im not paying attention and focusing on not drinking. though i know i have to focus 100% on not drinking.im in a bit of a flap with all this and am really struggling to collect my thoughts and get a plan in place

[NoraC]

struggling

Hi Spuds - I know so well what you are talking about. Just keep working on your plan. I know that I am still working on mine. I started taking antabuse and that helped me so that I knew I couldn't drink. That way I didn't have to spend all my energies thinking about it. I don't know if that's an option for you. But, it has helped me tremendously. I am using that right now so that I can focus on other things. Hang in there, the ladder approach is a very interesting idea. :l

[Grateful]

struggling

Spuds..you are not rubbish...this disease is!! I'm so glad that you came back here and posted. The plan to draw a ladder sounds good....also writing in your diary each day. Is there any possibility of Mr. Spuds not keeping alcohol in the house? Keep posting, please.....and don't give up. One day - or one rung (of the ladder) at a time....

[spuddleduck]

struggling

someone else did the ladder thing a while back. i thought it would be a good visual aid. after a few disasters mr spuds does now keep any booze in the basement.. LOCKED AWAY. this was a one off for the party. im please to say that by the time i surfaced on saturday the fridge was empty.... maybe they all drank it after i passed out. so long as its not there its one less temptation in the way. i think i may have got over confident as i really did think i would manage this party sober and was looking forward to the wonderful feeling of achievment afterwards... instead i got the usual.... well need i go on..i think we all know that awful feeling the next day.

[Sunnyvalenting]

struggling

you were faced with all 3 of the strongest cues to relapse:
the addictive substance
the setting in which you typically drank
stress

All of these in the first week of your newest attempt at abstinence. I am sure you can see how you can modify the next plan so you don't have all 3 factors going on at once!
You WILL succeed, you learn something new with each partial success. The fact that you are back here again speaks mountains about your resolve. Your example teaches and inspire us.
Sunny

[Guitarista]

struggling

Hiya Spud!

Keep working, reading, and thinking. I would've not been there on the bonfire night. Yep, that's right. I would have to have been somewhere else. Friends and family would be asking question's for sure, and probably not impressed, but so be it. Giving up the booze needs some big, gutsy, unpopular, drastic action. I had to hibernate from ALL social event's, even some family ones to get myself sober. You must be ruthless, look after number one, which is you, (put yourself ahead of your family for a few months till you're on track) and do WHATEVER is needed to get off the grog. Then, when you are well, all is well.

Do what you have to do Spud, and keep going. It'll click again for you. AND. Don't forget yer https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Best wishes, G-bloke.

[Mish]

struggling

Well said G...I'll second that!

[RedThread12]

struggling

Hey, Spuds: I don't have much to add in terms of what to do, but I just want to say that I know you CAN come out successful. You have been both delightful and strong, voicing your story and your support for others when you weren't beaten down by our disease. I love it that you are back, looking at the demon full-on and sharing that with us, too. I chose baclofen over a year ago, after finding this board and the amazing souls who keep on posting their efforts to find a way out. I owe my life here. You, too, can put together the pieces from this extraordinary resource, or whatever else might come into your life, for your own path to freedom from the fear of alcohol. I just know it.:h

[Mish]

struggling

spuddleduck;999038 wrote: i dont want to be told im rubbish cos i already know that. just a bit of advice maybe.

The best advice I can think of is change your thinking. You are not rubbish, I'm not rubbish, no-one here is rubbish for having a hideous addiction which by the very nature of it means we may have to make a number of false starts on the road to sobriety. You were just starting to have problems when I first came here and I could tell by all the responses that you are very much loved here and valued highly. So, please try to look inside at the real spuddleduck you are striving to become and just keep paddling...:h

[tlrgs]

struggling

well you made it once 3 months .. you will do it again just keep working it keep your guard up ... this is your road and you can choose how you want it as for a party thing going on spend the time away from that ..till you get stronger no buying or having any al in or around the house changing all you habits and yes even the good ones .. good luck rememeber we are here to help not judge so please keep on posting asking for help ..

[beagle]

struggling

spuds to have gone that nice stretch without grog is a good achievement.
focus on that perhaps?
i'm in no position to hop on any pedestal here but i offer you my full support.:l

[momof3]

struggling

Guitarista;999060 wrote: Hiya Spud!

Giving up the booze needs some big, gutsy, unpopular, drastic action. I had to hibernate from ALL social event's, even some family ones to get myself sober.

Best wishes, G-bloke.

Yep, Truer words never spoken. The think is, when you quit, you can't carry on as if all is "normal." It's so important to put not drinking as #1. And, if that pisses anyone off, so be it. On the other end, you will be so proud of yourself. Like Mr. G., I stayed far away from any drinking parties or venues. Now, it doesn't much matter if I'm around other people who drink. Only problem is, I get rather bored. I don't stay at parties nearly as long as I used to.

M3

[mama bear]

struggling

Oh Spuds...I hate the pain you are in. Mr G hit the nail on the head, that was too much too soon...no one would have survived that.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

struggling

Thinking of you Spuds, so glad you came back and are trying. Its all to easy to give up but you are made of stronger stuff my little feathered friend. Please dont say or think you are rubbish, you are a witty, sweet, caring person who just happens to have an addiction but youre not alone in that. Remember how much happier you were when AF?, come on you can do this again girl.