Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

[K9Lover]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

Well

I really just wanted to keep this to myself, but I can't deceive you guys.
Friday and Saturday nights were not AF. Nothing extreme, no bad behaviour, etc...just that feeling of shame in the morning. The crap part is that I did it twice. I actually hated every minute of it. I have no explanation as to why it happened.

I just want to be honest, and I hope my post doesn't stumble a "newbie". I'm back on board.

[Doggygirl]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

K9Lover;1004214 wrote: I really just wanted to keep this to myself, but I can't deceive you guys.
Friday and Saturday nights were not AF. Nothing extreme, no bad behaviour, etc...just that feeling of shame in the morning. The crap part is that I did it twice. I actually hated every minute of it. I have no explanation as to why it happened.

I just want to be honest, and I hope my post doesn't stumble a "newbie". I'm back on board.

K9, we are battling a very difficult addiction. IMO, honesty is important in the battle, and I applaud yours. What really stands out to me in your post is the part I bolded. That is one of the cunning, baffling and powerful aspects to this addiction. We can hate drinking and all it brings to our lives with a passion, and yet drink anyway. That is why for me, I just can't be complacent even a little bit in my daily sobriety program.

What will you do different next time? These are invaluable learning experiences.

DG

[techie]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

Did you sabotage yourself Nine. I mean not taking the antabuse? I hope you are reevaluating your sobriety plan. You have a big week and the teen party to deal with. PLEASE take care of yourself. I need you, we all need you here as the sober, intelligent, witty, exceptionally caring person you are. Love John xxx

[K9Lover]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

I just don't want to be one of those people that is always "starting over"....because I'm not. I hit a glitch but I'm back now. I'm still counting all my AF days in the year 2010 because I am damn proud of them.

[techie]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

K9Lover;1004233 wrote: I just don't want to be one of those people that is always "starting over"....because I'm not. I hit a glitch but I'm back now. I'm still counting all my AF days in the year 2010 because I am damn proud of them.

I didn't mean to suggest you start over. I just meant getting back to the success mode you were in. I'm not one of those AF bean counters or judge people by some numerical milestone. Hope you undersdtand as your one of my favoritest people here. Favoritest I like that word....John xoxoxo

[K9Lover]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

Oh Techie :l
I wasn't directing that at you. Just kind of mumbling to myself (I do that a lot).

I am just done, done, done. I threw out what was left of the beer (before I was finished) and flushed the cigs down the toilet.

[techie]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

K9Lover;1004238 wrote: Oh Techie :l
I wasn't directing that at you. Just kind of mumbling to myself (I do that a lot).

I am just done, done, done. I threw out what was left of the beer (before I was finished) and flushed the cigs down the toilet.

GREAT Nine :l

[one2many]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

Niners,

I am sorry you drank but you are NOT one of those people who are always starting over..you have racked up considerable AF time and you are serious about your sobriety.

Get the Antabuse back into ya, then there is no if's, but's or maybe's.

Fair play for being honest and glad you are back on track now xx

[KateH1]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

Hi K9, I am sorry to hear that you had another drinking weekend. You sound quite heart broken.I remember reading your posts last week about feeling "shaky". At some point, those thoughts turned to stopping and buying the beer and then opening the first can. Yes, as DG said, this is the cunning and baffling part of this disease, doing something that we do not really want to do, knowing it is destructive and yet doing it just the same.

I hope that you are able to figure out how this process happens for you and what tools or steps you need for the next time. Yes, there will be a next time, you can count on that! The difference will be on how you have prepared to deal with the situation.

I am happy that you are back on track with a new resolve! If there is anything that I can do to help, please let me know!

Have a Good Week!
xx Kate

[K9Lover]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

Thanks everyone.
Yes Kate, "heartbroken" is the best way to put it. I know better. I'm stronger than this. So why??? I just dont know. I'm trying not to over-analyze it. I'm back on the Antabuse, and there I shall stay!

[greeneyes]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

K9Lover;1004265 wrote: I know better. I'm stronger than this. So why??? I just dont know. I'm trying not to over-analyze it.

K9, I guess it's just one of those "it is what it is". I'm capable of that behavior. I don't understand it, but I don't have to. I just have to know it's there and work around it. Tweak your plan so you don't fall in the pothole next time.

[KateH1]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

K9....I think our first question is always, "Why?". The only answer that I can come up with that applies to me is.....Because I am an alcoholic. For me, alcohol is always the knee jerk reaction to almost any emotion and oddly it is not the "Biggies" that I find most dangerous....it is the suble day to day things that work as triggers. Just wanting that "chemically altered state". LIKe DG, I absolutely cannot even entertain the thought of one sip....not one. So it is entertaining the thought of a drink that I must nip in the bud!!

XXX

[Guitarista]

Feeling Kinda Shaky Today

C'mon Niner's. Take it to the next level. I'm rooting for you!

Best wishes, G-bloke.