To cut a long story short, have been lurking, drinking again, lurking again......stayed AL free for six days, blew it on the seventh and in spite of that slip I have clocked up almost two weeks AL free.
I need a hand. I don't suffer terrible withdrawals, have never had a DUI, I am the classic, high functioning...........person who relies too much on drink to help her through stressful times. Am I am alcoholic? My Dad thought he was, yet when he got to the age I am now, he never drank again.
He said that when he was growing up, there was nothing else. You drank, you were sober for a while, and then you drank again when it all became too much. My Dad was a real family man, and me being the youngest, I was his favourite, yet when I was twelve years old I grappled with him, trying to stop him breaking into the gas meter with a hammer to get money for drink. I had beautiful teeth; he smashed one of my front teeth with the hammer, broke it in half. He was very remorseful when he sobered up, offered to take me to the dentist and get it fixed, I made him wait five years before I got that tooth fixed. I wanted him to see it everytime I smiled, every time I opened my mouth.
He was two people. When he was sober he was loving, supportive, hard working, yet when he was drunk he didn't give a damn about anything but getting his next drink.
My Dad got to fifty years old, despite drinking heavily since his early teens, he transformed his life.
I am not in any way comparing myself to him. My dependency is well controlled, I drink, I work, I function.
But do you know what? I witnessed first hand what a gift sobriety can be to a person like my Dad, for the last twenty years of his life he was a wonderful support, the strong father figure he always wanted to be and was capable of being.
I don't want to throw the better half of my life away. I want to kick the poison completely, absolutely and totally. I want to be like my Dad and live what's left appreciating everything, letting the old regrets go, and savouring each wonderful day at a time. That's why I am here.
I need to hear postitive, reinforcing messages, but I have to say, the politics of this place make me nervous. Aren't we all trying to achieve a mastery of our addictions and aren't we all at different levels of addiction? And perhaps, just perhaps, some of us aren't even addicts but have strong, underlying issues that we need to address? Abstainers v Moderators, what is your plan, etc etc.............well, I am sorry, but if you think back, your plan is to get through today and then, tomorrow, if you are lucky.
If we are such a strong community,we are a realy strong community, why do I feel inhibited? I want to get sober, or maintain eventually, so why do I feel so scared about pressing the 'submit' button.
I want help, not a lecture. And I am sorry, but I have to tell you, I said it before,this forum is a double-edged sword. You long termers are wonderful, your advice, experience and support is invaluable for us just starting out. But the pressure can be immense. Baby steps, please.
I don't know if I will ever fit in, I hope I do. Well done to all of you :l
I need a hand. I don't suffer terrible withdrawals, have never had a DUI, I am the classic, high functioning...........person who relies too much on drink to help her through stressful times. Am I am alcoholic? My Dad thought he was, yet when he got to the age I am now, he never drank again.
He said that when he was growing up, there was nothing else. You drank, you were sober for a while, and then you drank again when it all became too much. My Dad was a real family man, and me being the youngest, I was his favourite, yet when I was twelve years old I grappled with him, trying to stop him breaking into the gas meter with a hammer to get money for drink. I had beautiful teeth; he smashed one of my front teeth with the hammer, broke it in half. He was very remorseful when he sobered up, offered to take me to the dentist and get it fixed, I made him wait five years before I got that tooth fixed. I wanted him to see it everytime I smiled, every time I opened my mouth.
He was two people. When he was sober he was loving, supportive, hard working, yet when he was drunk he didn't give a damn about anything but getting his next drink.
My Dad got to fifty years old, despite drinking heavily since his early teens, he transformed his life.
I am not in any way comparing myself to him. My dependency is well controlled, I drink, I work, I function.
But do you know what? I witnessed first hand what a gift sobriety can be to a person like my Dad, for the last twenty years of his life he was a wonderful support, the strong father figure he always wanted to be and was capable of being.
I don't want to throw the better half of my life away. I want to kick the poison completely, absolutely and totally. I want to be like my Dad and live what's left appreciating everything, letting the old regrets go, and savouring each wonderful day at a time. That's why I am here.
I need to hear postitive, reinforcing messages, but I have to say, the politics of this place make me nervous. Aren't we all trying to achieve a mastery of our addictions and aren't we all at different levels of addiction? And perhaps, just perhaps, some of us aren't even addicts but have strong, underlying issues that we need to address? Abstainers v Moderators, what is your plan, etc etc.............well, I am sorry, but if you think back, your plan is to get through today and then, tomorrow, if you are lucky.
If we are such a strong community,we are a realy strong community, why do I feel inhibited? I want to get sober, or maintain eventually, so why do I feel so scared about pressing the 'submit' button.
I want help, not a lecture. And I am sorry, but I have to tell you, I said it before,this forum is a double-edged sword. You long termers are wonderful, your advice, experience and support is invaluable for us just starting out. But the pressure can be immense. Baby steps, please.
I don't know if I will ever fit in, I hope I do. Well done to all of you :l
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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