Why won't my husband listen?

[Charlotte's Web]

One of the reasons I have been unsuccessful in quitting is down to the amount of stress I have been dealing with.

Over the passed couple of years, I suspected that my son was not developing / maturing but my husband has insisted that there was nothing wrong. (At the age of 11, my son has difficulty with getting ready for school, dressing, being on task etc etc.)

Against my husband's wishes, my son has been seen by the medical profession and has been diagnosed with a brain problem. We are now at the stage where school and home have to pull together and put in place some stragies to help my son cope.

But my husband still insists that everyone is wrong - the school, the doctors, me. He won't read the reports and he won't come to any appointments with me to hear what they have to say.

What can I do if he won't help and support me?

[Samantha T.]

Why won't my husband listen?

Awww...Charlotte, I am sorry to hear that you are so alone in trying to help your son :-(
I am single with no kids, so I can only imagine what you are going through.

The only thing I can say is that maybe this circumstance could be your best motivation for quitting drinking? I.e., if your son can't count on your husband to help him, he really needs to be able to count on you. Yes, it will be a challenge for you at the beginning, but if you can muster the courage to push through the first couple of weeks, you will be in a position to help your son, who can't help himself.

I think for all of us, once we find the motivation we need is when we really start to make progress. I can't imagine a better motivation than needing to be strong for an ill child. I say just go for it! Stay around here and keep reading and posting. There is a lot of information, advice, encouragement, support to be had :l

[Guest]

Why won't my husband listen?

It sounds like your husband is in denial. All you can do is be there for your son and take the support that is being offered. Whilst stress doesn't help and can be a drinking trigger, we can never eliminate it completely from our lives and quite often when one source is removed we replace it with another.

Sounds like a good time to quit so you can be there for him.

[Mish]

Why won't my husband listen?

You have to do the best you can for your son and the best way to do it is sober. You know that in your heart anyway, so all I will do is offer my support and love.
My husband was in total denial about our (younger) daughter having really severe ADHD and refused to let me have her treated. As a result she did badly in school (in subjects in which she had no interest, although was at the top of the class when interested), had attitude problems and when our marriage broke up she went with her dad because he was "funner" than I was. I'd started drinking by that stage so I wasn't there for her when she needed me, though she probably would have gone with her dad even if I hadn't been drinking. She ended up leaving school at 14 (illegal) and started taking methamphetamine with her dad, was date raped while at a drunken party at 16 and fell pregnant. Luckily she woke up and got off the booze and drugs and I have a beautiful grandaughter whose eyes are my avatar.
Maybe if I had been able to be there for her and stand up for her in regards getting the treatment she needed things would have gone very differently. It's something I have to live with every day.
I hope you can find the strength and support to do what you need to do for your son. We'll all try to help you with encouragement on your journey.

[gyco]

Why won't my husband listen?

research

Charlotte's Web;1008610 wrote: One of the reasons I have been unsuccessful in quitting is down to the amount of stress I have been dealing with.

Over the passed couple of years, I suspected that my son was not developing / maturing but my husband has insisted that there was nothing wrong. (At the age of 11, my son has difficulty with getting ready for school, dressing, being on task etc etc.)

Against my husband's wishes, my son has been seen by the medical profession and has been diagnosed with a brain problem. We are now at the stage where school and home have to pull together and put in place some stragies to help my son cope.

But my husband still insists that everyone is wrong - the school, the doctors, me. He won't read the reports and he won't come to any appointments with me to hear what they have to say.

What can I do if he won't help and support me?

hi charlotte.married life can be tough if the 2 people married dont agree,just from what ive lerned over the years,if there was a lot of abuse of alchohol in ones family history,there is a good chance of damage to the offsprings of the generations to come,only thro research,hospital stays,depression ,6 different psychiatrists,energency stays,psycoligists and medications ive been perscribed that i no this,im not a doctor,i should be,maybe your husband needs help,you seem to be doing all the leg work,he s in denial,maybe he blames himself,and it has nothing to do with you,sometimes councilling helps,a godd councillor,not one that hasnt done the walk,l,remember your vows when you got married,it took 2 to tango, you folks made that decision,it will get worse b4 it gets better,:goodjob::thanks:i wish you well gyco

[sapphire1]

Why won't my husband listen?

Charlotte's Web;1008610 wrote: One of the reasons I have been unsuccessful in quitting is down to the amount of stress I have been dealing with.

Over the passed couple of years, I suspected that my son was not developing / maturing but my husband has insisted that there was nothing wrong. (At the age of 11, my son has difficulty with getting ready for school, dressing, being on task etc etc.)

Against my husband's wishes, my son has been seen by the medical profession and has been diagnosed with a brain problem. We are now at the stage where school and home have to pull together and put in place some stragies to help my son cope.

But my husband still insists that everyone is wrong - the school, the doctors, me. He won't read the reports and he won't come to any appointments with me to hear what they have to say.

What can I do if he won't help and support me?

Charlotte I know just how you feel. I divorced my husband about ten years ago. He moved interstate and left me with four sons to raise. My second eldest developed a mental illness at around 18 years of age. My ex husband was absolutely no help to me and put, his head very firmly in the sand, preferring to believe that things were not really that bad. After eight years of absolute hell....suicide attempts (my son)..trouble with police, psychiatric hospital, endless searching for treatment my son is well....only now his father has taken his head out of the sand and recognises what his son has gone through. In all that time my drinking escalated and was out of control for most of those years. A psychologist told me that some people just cant face up to this sort of challenge and I will probably cause offence here by oh well: especially fathers of sons. It is too much emotionally for them to deal with, so they pretend it isnt happening. This is of course no help to either you or your son. You need to find a way to gently get your husband to understand...maybe with family counselling. This is too important to just let go. You need help to face the challenges that come up and you shouldnt have to do it on your own. For heavens sake, try to do something about your drinking as this will make it a thoasand times worse!!!!! It certainly did not help me and in the end there were too very ill people in the family (myself and my son)..what a nightmare. I am sober now and every day i wish that I had been sober then...I almost lost my mind and alcohol had a lot to do with that. There are answers out there for your son, but in able for you to focus on the best possible care for him, you need your wits about you and that can only come with sobriety. I wish you strength, hope and grace...Saff:l

[hart]

Why won't my husband listen?

((((Charlotte))))) I really feel for you. I don't know how I would react if I had to deal with a child with disabilities. I hope I would be strong, but you never know. I have a great husband and he is terrific with his son and all kids. Heck, kids knock on are door to ask if Joe can come play!

I am going AF 11/28. We can support each other.

[rubywillow]

Why won't my husband listen?

Haven't read the replies, luv, just your post. In this day and age, with the drugs, chemicals, and sometimes just 'because' it happens. Love your boy. Teach him what you can, work with him, but your husband has to find his own reality.

[Accountable for Me]

Why won't my husband listen?

rubywillow;1008876 wrote: Haven't read the replies, luv, just your post. In this day and age, with the drugs, chemicals, and sometimes just 'because' it happens. Love your boy. Teach him what you can, work with him, but your husband has to find his own reality.

I can only reiterate what Ruby said.

From what I interpret your husband saying is clearly denial. I think for any parent, it would be so very hard to accept that something is wrong with their child. :l

[Charlotte's Web]

Why won't my husband listen?

Thanks, everyone, for your support. I think you are right that my husband is in denial...perhaps an attitude that he does not want to think of his son as imperfect. (My son also has another disability that my husband took a long time to accept.) I am really avoiding saying there is something "wrong" with our son as I don't think "wrong" is the correct word to use.

I have just started seeing a psycologist (sp?) for myself and will talk through this issue.

In the meantime, I can only hope he follows my lead in things that have to change in life.

Well said, everyone, about tackling this sober will be easier than tackling it drunk.

[techie]

Why won't my husband listen?

I wish you strength to deal with these issues. Perhaps by your getting the ball rolling your husband may get the message and get involved. As in many things a united front is always best, but if you have to go it alone I applaud you. Yes, sober is the way to go for you and your son. Bless you...John