De Ja Vue

[Guest]

Or association I suppose!

I'm having massive De Ja Vue at the moment since I spent most of the snows, and cold weather last year drinking, as the previous year too. So to see and feel snow in the air during this early wintery spell is making me feel as if I should be drinking again.

Anyone else get this?

[Choochie]

De Ja Vue

UKB,

I think this is exactly what the holidays in general do to us - that association is really strong -- thinking of parties, good times, snow, skiing, whatever........which is what makes us vulnerable to drinking -- trying to recapture, or getting sentimental about those old times.

For me, the holidays are depressing because they're family-oriented and I don't have much family. So, I have to be careful not to "idealize" this time of year because deep down I know it's not like the Hallmark cards for very many people.

Choochie

[mama bear]

De Ja Vue

UK I have assocaitions like this too......

[Wagoneer]

De Ja Vue

I do too. A glass of chardonnay by the holiday fire....until the glass becomes a bottle or two and I start sweating from the heat and get all annoyed and crappy.... I am really trying to change my association wth drink and holidays, but it is certainly hard when every billboard and commercial tells you that the holidays can't be festive and fun without AL. Bunch of bullshit and it makes me mad at the advertisers. But I can't change it, only change how I feel about it. Won't let my past get in the way of an AL FREE future damn it.

[dancelot]

De Ja Vue

UK - I found it difficult at first especially, since most everything I did had alcohol involved, and it if it didn't, I found a way to incorporate it. It's only getting more natural now, over a year later. Changes of seasons and holidays seemed to do that. Certain types of alcohol went with different temperatures, occasions, whatever.


I have to do what I call my "think like a kid" thing - remember something else I would have found special before I started drinking. Whether it's hot chocolate, decaf coffee, homemade fudge or cookies by the Christmas tree. Last night I had a piece of leftover Thanksgiving pie with good decaf coffee with half and half (no skim milk here!). I guarantee you in my drinking days, if I'd even bothered with the coffee, it would have been spiked with something strong, and I'd have had several. Or I more likely I'd just have had wine with it, since it went so well with pie, cake, cookies, or anything else - just like beer and chocolate chip cookies went together - in my mind anyway.


I was at my first sober NASCAR race recently, which was a big beer fest previously. Interestingly I only felt a slight longing when I passed a frozen margarita stand - then immediately thought "fresh squeezed lemonade" - and saw a stand selling lemonade, not fresh squeezed, but it hit the spot. If I was a kid, that would have been something wonderful. I think as we get so corrupted by alcohol, and put it in everything we drink that isn't alcohol on it's own, it calls us everywhere. I find any time it comes up, if I look at it, recognize it for what it is, and replace it with whatever I can that is similar in hotness, coldness, sweetness, richness, whatever, I'm less likely to obsess over it. A lot of this is repetition really.


When I was first sober, those endless beer commercials shown during sports made me actually salivate (sometimes they still do). I did fear the next summer, as I live in a hot climate, but the kid thinking/repetition worked, and it was not an issue.


I think holidays have that potential double edged trigger - between the advertising, the memories, and the stress, and the unresolved family issues that always bubble up to some degree at that time. Right before Christmas last year I really came close to it, and it was frightening. I pulled out the Toolbox big time, added and upped my supplements, and looked into what more I might need to be doing that I wasn't previously, which was seriously getting into the spiritual stuff, and looking into AA - first checking out their daily readings, though eventually going there, which has helped. I found approaching it in a multifaceted way is what works for me. Choochie put up an excellent article yesterday that explains this further, and it is definitely along the lines of what helped me: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ery-46416.html :l :h

[Choochie]

De Ja Vue

Dancelot, this brought tears to my eyes. You are such a gentle soul. I love your posts and love you for being here.

Choochie:l

[Doggygirl]

De Ja Vue

UK, it was a huge re-learning / new habit process for me too. Like Dance described, I did EVERYTHING with a drink in hand in the end - either overtly or covertly. Had to re-learn life, and there is still the odd occassion where drinking just immediately comes to mind as "the" thing to be doing. Hang in there!!!

Dance, I love your description of "thinking like a kid." I'm going to remember that when those odd moments strike. What would the 12 year old "me" want to do?

Choochie, This will be only my 3rd sober holiday season in my entire adult life. So this is really new to me. I'm realizing that I used to try to "Hallmarkize" everything, especially as it pertains to my family. I'm realizing now that my past antics were really a lot of "faking it" to make my family and my circumstances magically line up with my Hallmarkized vision of "normal." There is just no way that reality could have ever lived up to my fantasies. These days I'm trying to just let the holidays be whatever they are, and that is rarely happy clappy for me. One day at a time through the holidays is my mantra - and not just with AL.

You can do it UK. Hang in there!

DG

[Choochie]

De Ja Vue

DG - I just described my outlook on the holidays/family very similarly to what you've written here (on another post). It took me a long time to learn that I was not the only one that had a dysfunctional family! Better to live in reality and be accepting of it for sure!!

[sapphire1]

De Ja Vue

UK interesting topic that you have brought up here. My feelings/associations with situations that were immersed in drinking have become only very fleeting these days. I have adopted a mindfulness way of being and practise it minute by minute. This means that for every moment of my life, I am conscious of it and entirely present in that moment. Being in the now ensures that I am not spending anytime in the past and reliving trauma, hurt, regret, bitterness and being depressed about it. Being in the now means that I dont spend much time projecting into the future and thus allowing fear of things that may or may not happen consume me. This way of being has instilled a great calm and peace into my life after many years of depression/anxiety, drinking and mayhem. I sincerely hope that you can find the same peace and tranquility. Love and Grace Saffxx

[Choochie]

De Ja Vue

Saff, Have you read Eckhert Tolle (sp?) - The Power of Now? The world would be a much better place if we could all adopt this kind of thinking, wouldn't it?

[spuddleduck]

De Ja Vue

association is a biggie with me too. weve just had a weekend christmas festival here... and snowy icy crisp weather...... stalls selling mulled wine, pubs screaming at me to come in to the warmth and have a nice hot toddy. somehow i managed to avoid it this time (huge thanks to mr spuds on that one) but the association with such things is really difficult.