Dreading my alcoholic mother.

[Shanny5]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

sapphire1;1022446 wrote: Hi Shanny,

You are in a tough spot, but you CAN handle it. If it were my mum (and she can use the odd bit of emotional blackmail too) I would tell her a little white lie about a medical reason for not drinking. Because you are in the early days of recovery, you will be very vulnerable. Are you going with someone who can help you out and provide support for you while you are there? You could plan activities that dont involve being around the house 24/7...even an early morning walk every day to clear your head and strengthen your resolve. Take a diary/journal and write down all of your reasons for not drinking every day...to keep your goal fresh and strong. Will you have internet access while you are there? If so plan to log on here and seek help if things are getting too tough. As Rags mentioned come in and join the underoos we are on the same time zone as you. Much strength and power to you, Saff x

Hi Saff,

Yes, I am going with my fiance and fortunately, he is a non drinker. I get a lot of support and strength from him. I just don't feel ready for this and want to cry because I know what's coming. I will most definitely use these suggestions, thanx for sharing. Not sure about the internet access yet though. I just keep thinking how proud of myself I would be if I actually made it all the way through without drinking.

[Mish]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

Hold that thought, Shanny. Also, whether you see it or not, you will be setting an example for your Mum. Most of us know we have a problem and seeing you happier and confident Al free will have an impact on her, even at an unconscious level. You can do this, and you will feel great having put this issue to bed once and for all when you don't cave. Maybe if she doesn't get it she might not invite you again because you force her to confront her own demons.

[Prest4time]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

Since you stated that she is aware of your struggle, can you not just be honest and tell her you have two weeks AF and would appreciate her efforts to support you and not encourage you to drink with her?

Maybe you can tell her you are not condemning her, but you would love her support. That might be the most honest and yet convicting thing for her. I think being honest as soon as you walk in the door is the best strategy.

Wishing you huge success with you and your Mom too

[Shanny5]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

Prest4time;1022899 wrote: Since you stated that she is aware of your struggle, can you not just be honest and tell her you have two weeks AF and would appreciate her efforts to support you and not encourage you to drink with her?

Maybe you can tell her you are not condemning her, but you would love her support. That might be the most honest and yet convicting thing for her. I think being honest as soon as you walk in the door is the best strategy.

Wishing you huge success with you and your Mom too

I have often asked for her support about this but she wants no part of it and will not accept that either of us have or have ever had a problem with alcohol. She's in complete denial. She just blows me off and continues to drink regardless. She has even put me down for not drinking with her and diminished how sick it makes me the following day. If I had only known I'd achieve this amazing time in sobriety, I would have never booked those damn tickets

[mollyka]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

Hi Shanny, I have to say regardless of the tickets I wouldn't go. I personally would not survive 9 days of that pressure, I would ring and tell her I'm sick. My mum is now dead and was not a problem drinker but when I used to visit her for lunch (couple of times a week) she always expected us to have a couple of glasses of wine - after which she stopped and I used to go home and drink all evening until oblivion - I was never strong enough to just say no. If you have to go, thankfully you have a nondrinking fiancee - you'll have to enrol him as a major crutch for yourself. Good luck and be strong
Molly

[Shanny5]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

mollyka;1022983 wrote: Hi Shanny, I have to say regardless of the tickets I wouldn't go. I personally would not survive 9 days of that pressure, I would ring and tell her I'm sick. My mum is now dead and was not a problem drinker but when I used to visit her for lunch (couple of times a week) she always expected us to have a couple of glasses of wine - after which she stopped and I used to go home and drink all evening until oblivion - I was never strong enough to just say no. If you have to go, thankfully you have a nondrinking fiancee - you'll have to enrol him as a major crutch for yourself. Good luck and be strong
Molly

Thanx Mollyka,

I really thought hard about not going but as an only child, she would be alone over xmas if I didn't. She is also an only child so has no other family but myself. Anyways... I'm on Campral at the moment which has been good but it's only very subtle. I was wondering if I should visit my doc to ask about different meds. For example, I know for certain I wouldn't drink if I thought it might make me sick i.e Antabuse. This may sound a bit desperate but I'm running out of ideas.

[sapphire1]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

Shann your idea about asking your doctor for antabuse is a good one. I have antabuse on standby if I find that I am on shaky ground or getting urges. You can take it with campral as far as I know. It would definitley work as a deterrent while you are with your mum on holidays. Go for it. Saff

[Mish]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

I think the Antabuse idea is a good one. I also have it on standby for those really tricky situations. I'm also on Naltrexone, Campral and Baclofen and it is ok to take with Antabuse. I wish you well.

[mollyka]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

Shanny I understand about the only child situation and of course I see where you are coming from! I think the antabuse then is a super idea. I started getting sober before christmas last year and took antabuse all over christmas and it was fantastic - no question of drinking (I actually drank in January a good while after I discontinued the antabuse and was really ill - believe you me you wouldn't want to go there!!). Like Mish and Saffy I have a tub of them left over which I have beside my bed 'just in case'.
Molly

[Shanny5]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

VERY close call on day 16

I had a very close call today and thought it might be therapeutic for me to document how and what went down.
This morning I went to the gym and grocery shopping as planned but when I got home around lunch time, a craving of unprecedented proportion hit me like a tonne of bricks. I?ve actually been surprisingly good at ?surfing the urge? until now. Between taking my meds, staying busy and reading the forums, I?ve been able to stay relatively calm, so I don?t know what happened today. It seemed to come like a lightning bolt out of the blue and I knew I was in trouble if I didn?t take immediate action. Thank god there was no alcohol in the house!
The first thing that happened is that as soon as I thought I was going to take a drink, my brain somehow sent a message to my intestines ( of all thing?s) and I was obliged to stay very close to the loo. Sorry about mentioning that but I do so because now that I look back, this is something that happened often when I?d decided to drink in the past. Does anyone else experience this as I?d be very interested to have a physiological explanation?
Anyways?my tummy settled, I scrubbed my bathroom like a woman possessed!! Stalling?stalling!! I took my next dose of Campral and scrubbed for 4 hours, for all I was worth. I can tell you, I?m sure I have the cleanest bathroom this side of Oz. I even wore out the sponge haha. But I made it! I can hardly believe I had it in me.
My poison of choice is bourbon and it?s all I could think about, blindingly so. Could it be that I relaxed or that my defenses were down? I just don?t know. I?m trying to work out what bought this on to avoid an equally unexpected repeat but I don?t have a clue. I?m really concerned now how I will react when I?m obliged to be in a social setting around alcohol. If it was this easy to crave beyond belief without a reason, what will it be like when I am around a major trigger?
Well, that?s my lil story for today. I made it to the other side of a ?biggun? and am sooo grateful now that I did.
Yay

[greeneyes]

Dreading my alcoholic mother.

:goodjob: shanny!!! Proud of ya!! Make sure you have a solid plan in place before going to social events.

This is helpful https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

And I just bumped "What's Your Sobriety Plan" for you.