I'm drinking...

[OverIt2007]

I'm drinking...

Oh Sweetie!

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I wish I could give you a big huge HUG!!! My heart truly breaks to see you having such a hard time right now. We have all been through our own shit.

I hope you have the strength to stop drinking before it gets any worse. Please allow yourself to be forgiven by YOURSELF. Your just human and you are not perfect!! There was only one perfect human in the world and he was nailed to a cross.

Anyways, please forgive yourself, and wishing you strength to pick up the pieces. Everybody loves and cares for you so much!!!

Lisa

[Pamina]

I'm drinking...

Dear AFM, :l:l ((((())))):l:l this is without a doubt one of the hardest things you'll ever have to go through. But you're doing it. For a long time now, you've been with him and telling him how you feel. Of course you're devastated. However, I agree with Grateful that he will always be with you. I certainly feel that way about my dad.

I'm also wondering if you could find someone to talk to - perhaps they'd have a priest/minister at the hospital or information about bereavement counselling. I found that really helpful when I was in your situation. I phoned up this lady about 5 days before my dad passed away, around the time when they'd produced the morphine drip and said it would be all about palliative care from then on. I initially felt this sheer panic - what are you supposed to do when there's nothing more to be done? While he was still meant to be recovering from pneumonia, at least I could keep running back and forth to the hospital so there was something to do. The evening he died I felt very calm, but the morning after I woke up with massive anxiety. I spent the first weekend with a friend in the country, comforted by having people going about their normal lives around me while I was absolutely exhausted. Then I was in bereavement counselling for 3 months. It was like being hit by a tidal wave, then gradually smaller waves, but someone was there to catch you and ground you. The waves are necessary and heal you in the end.

It's a lot to deal with, and it amazes me that you're able to try to reach out to your sister in the midst of it all. She has her own path to travel in her own time. For now, I'd focus on who would be the best support for YOU at the moment, whether relatives, friends, your dad's wife or a dispassionate professional. We're all thinking of you :l

[LVT25]

I'm drinking...

Dear AFM, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad right now. You have done really well through your dad's illness. When my parents passed away (6 months apart) that is when my drinking seemed to escalate. So, please be careful and don't go that route. Get back up on that horse and talk to someone! Talk to the hospice nurses and please get that book I suggested. I do believe you will be with your dad again one day, and that is something to give you peace and hope. Print out Greeneye's post and carry it around with you.

Hang in there, my friend. :l

[lucky 2.0]

I'm drinking...

AFM,

Sending love,stregth and prayers your way. I am glad you reached out to this community for support.

xoxo

[Ringing Cedars]

I'm drinking...

Hi AFM. I too am sorry you are faced with this tough time in your life.:l Lots of words of comfort and encouragement by the wonderful caring people here. I just wanted to say that I do believe in the beyond and that our loved ones are looking down on us - loving, encouraging, protecting and cheering us on after they have passed from this world.

My step-father died a month before I opened my store in 1995. I had three young children-7, 5 & 3 at the time. Life was a blur to say the least. (Alcohol wasn't an issue for me then) Dad moved to Calgary about 1980 and loved to fly. When I received notice I hadn't seen him for just about two years. I certainly couldn't afford it but was ready to drop 4 thousand to go and say my goodbyes. Well my Uncle felt it would be better to fly him to us(step sister) and have a funeral here in Ontario.

While sitting in the funeral home making arrangement for a service and cremation, I swore I saw Dad breezing by the doorway-waving and smiling as if to say all is hunky dory(one of his sayings). He had just had his final flight - even after death! We laugh about it now.

My sister and I took turns keeping the urn over the years. He is still in my living room. Whatever. But there were several times in the first few years that we strongly felt his presence in our respective homes. I don't know if you will receive any signs as we did but know that it happens and your Dad will be in a place of love and light and pain free. :l

[Chief]

I'm drinking...

AFM,

We're all with you. Some of us know what you are going through. It really sucks having to say goodbye to our parents....and then we have to deal with family members who react in their own way. It's a hard thing to go through but it is all a part of life. If we are lucky we outlive our parents. Some do not, and I've been told that a parent losing a child is much worse than a child losing a parent. I'm not trying to make light of the situation, AFM....I'm just trying to help you step back and try to put things in order.

You are a wonderful woman with a big heart. You don't have to feel guilty about anything. You will get through this.....we will help you.

Let's do it AF, hon....:l

Don

[Accountable for Me]

I'm drinking...

Thank you all. I stopped drinking a few hours ago. I am mad at myself, but not really either. What done is done, I guess. All it did was give me a pretty bad headache.

As you all know I must be alone. Turning to you all, whom I have never met in real life. Purging all of my emotions upon. I love you all so much and I honestly do not know what I would do if I didn't have you all. That is the truth.

I have a friend who wrote to me on facebook saying that she lost a son. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child would be. Seriously.

I will miss my dad so f'n much. I watched him through this horrible disease for 2 years now. Mainly the past 6 months when it came back. His wife wants to bring him home to die. The Doctors say no. How is that going to happen when one is in a coma? But she tried. We had a good cry on the phone this morning.

You guys wouldn't even be able to see my eyes! MY face is so waterlogged!

Thank you all for being there for me. I truly am grateful xoxo And yes, I must do the sober thing to make him proud. I am kicking myself for drinking!

[dancelot]

I'm drinking...

Accountable - You did not let anyone down, here or anywhere else. You got to tell your dad what you needed to, and show him your love. That is what is important.

Sending you much, much love - Dance :l:l:l:l:h:h

[Brigitte Bardot]

I'm drinking...

I don't think you should be too hard on yourself sweetheart with the drinking, I wouldn't even think about it and don't focus on it. We all deal with things our own way, and if I was in your position I would be an absolute mess and wouldn't have done anything different then you. Take your time and grieve, and don't feel bad for it. We can't be strong all the time, and we all need a helping hand sometimes. We're not made of stone. I love yah to bits, and if you're serious about heading this way in the new year I would love to have you and Little AFM, the door is wide open for you both.

[Grateful]

I'm drinking...

I'm still here for you and have been praying all day for you............:l:l:l:l

[mama bear]

I'm drinking...

Oh sweetie - I jst read this and I am so sorry for the pain you feel.......

[techie]

I'm drinking...

Sending thoughts and prayers to you and family AFM :l:l:l

[Wagoneer]

I'm drinking...

Oh honey, I am so sorry for what you are going through. You have been given wonderful advice by these awesome people – I don’t have much to add. But please, do not punish yourself. You slipped under horrible pressure and the guilt from that is the last thing you need to think about. Get a clear head and keep it – it will help you deal with things. I certainly wish I had kept my head about me when my mother died after a very short illness a few years back. I was in a wine induced haze every night for months. Didn’t help a bit. Sending you prayers of love and strength. I am so very sorry.

[betty boop]

I'm drinking...

AFM Sweetie ... :l:l:l

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said ............. Please look after yourself ...........

I lit a virtual candle for you Group *MWO* Candles - Light A Candle

Love & Hugs, BB xxx

[Guitarista]

I'm drinking...

Accountable for Me;1023039 wrote: Do you believe in the after life??? I so want to. I have lost faith. I really want him to be with me forever. I am feeling so alone.

Hi AFM,

Yep, i believe in some sort of afterlife. I don't understand it, i've just had experiences.
Your dad will alway's be with you, and that connection will never be broken. You come across as a very awesome person, who is doing such a great job as a mum, and as a human being, in difficult condition's.

Stick with your aspiration's, do it for you, and go for it.

Best wishes, G-bloke.