I'm drinking...

[Accountable for Me]

It is almost 4am, and I caved.... I am just devastated.... I cannot stop crying.

I was so strong not to drink during this time.

My Little one has the Rono Virus, been puking. My dad is dying. I just cannot cope. I am feeling so alone.

I went to see my sister although she has always been a huge asshole in my life and has done nothing nice to me.... her boyfriend was an asshole to me. I am trying to console her and he is like 'She has done nothing to her dad, so why does he hate her so much??' Are you fucking serious! There is a reason why his wife of 30 years got a restraining order. So I left.

I got to tell my dad that I will miss him like Hell today. He is not there now.... as his body is shutting down.... but I still got to tell him. And that I will aspire to be something in my life.

I am sorry for letting anyone down here. I let myself down. I simply cannot stop crying! I feel so alone.

[Grateful]

I'm drinking...

Sweetie...you are going through so, so much right now.....I don't even know what to say except that I am here and you have not let any one of US down...you are not alone...you have so many dear friends here that truly care and love you. Most important, your little one needs you. Your Dad knows you love him and you have been a great daughter to him. It's okay to cry and get it all out......Please accept my cyber hugs and know that I am thinking of you....:l:l:l

[Pride before Fall]

I'm drinking...

AFM, stop now, doll. :l:l:l It's been a long, brave haul and you've handled it amazingly, and all on your own. Although it's hard to imagine, you're going to feel even worse and cancel out whatever coping skills you have left if you keep drinking. You don't want to say good-bye to your Dad under the influence or with a hangover.

So sorry it's so rough right now; can your Gram help with your daughter?

I know you're back and forth to the hospital, but stick close when you can.

xoxo Pride

[Accountable for Me]

I'm drinking...

I've stopped. Only because I have to go to the hospital. But I feel so emotionally fucked up. His wife wants to take him home to die. Whether or not that will happen is beyond me. I want him to go home, but I doubt it will happen now. I am feeling so fucked!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot imagine my life without him!

Thank you both for responding. It means so much to me. xoxo

[Grateful]

I'm drinking...

Try to believe that he will always be with you...in your heart and he'll be watching out for you from a better place with no more suffering. You will not be alone.

[Accountable for Me]

I'm drinking...

Do you believe in the after life??? I so want to. I have lost faith. I really want him to be with me forever. I am feeling so alone.

[Grateful]

I'm drinking...

Yes-I do believe in after life....and I will believe for you that he will be with you forever...your faith will return....don't give up, okay? I've been praying for you as I'm getting ready for work....and I'll be thinking of you all dayxxxxx

[greeneyes]

I'm drinking...

AFM, you don't have to fight other people's battles. Just your own. You don't have to be strong for a dying parent, or his wife, or your sister.... feel what you feel. You don't need to drown real, honest, natural feelings. It's grief! You NEED to feel it. Don't deny yourself that with alcohol. We all loose our parents. It is the natural course of life. You are not going to be alone just because he has transitioned from the earth plane. This is his soul's transitioning experience, be honored to be a part of it. A sober part of it. You'll be fine, really you will. :l

[jennyneric]

I'm drinking...

:l:l:l:l

[mario]

I'm drinking...

AFM sorry your going through this sending you lots of hugs .You will get through this. x

[Popeye]

I'm drinking...

Thinking of you AFM.
Greenies right (yet again)
Take care.

[sunshine_gg]

I'm drinking...

:l AFM
You are not alone. And you will get through this.
Thinking of you.

[Brigitte Bardot]

I'm drinking...

I am so sorry honey.. I really wish we were closer.
Don't worry about your sister, just forget about her right now. Your Dad knows how much you love him and how much he meant to you. Just do what you've been doing and don't feel any regret, he has a really wonderful amazing daughter in you. Hug Little AFM close.

All our love,
Me and Little Gia

[tlrgs]

I'm drinking...

so sorry for what you are going thur dont beat yourself up for caving in .. it happens to the best of us .. best thing you can do for you and him is stay strong and make it thur this ... he will always be in your heart and with you always ...so just do your best hang in there and here we are here for you... big hugs to you and yours

[lil.michelle]

I'm drinking...

Hunni,i'm sooo soorry *huge hug* He WILL always be with you, always be proud of you, how you manage and how you've turned your life around. You may believe he's not there anymore but he can hear you. I think you'll be surprised just how much he'll understand.
I really don't know what to say but send you all my love and prayers.