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[ThisWayOut]

I don't know what to do. I am getting really scared. My drinking has been gradually increasing over last several months. Want to stop on Jan 1st - like I did last year. I need to get my head into this again... I have to remember how to do this and stick with it. Don't know why I am writing this - I guess it is a small step back. Oh Boy. TWO.

[caysea]

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Hi All
Welcome back 2. Time to get strong and learn from the past year what has to be done. Time wasn't wasted if you learn from it. One thing people have to realize when they see some here with some good sober time is that we have all failed many many many times in the past. In my case many years and attempts until i finally realized it was a fight for my life. Do what has to be done as if you are fighting for your life because you are. See you back in chat.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[dlw]

Starting again

sometimes no matter what we encourage, you will do what you do, so no matter what, we are here for you in your journey. Good luck NOT drinking, but no matter what your choice is , we wont judge
We want you to know we don't encourage drinking, but wont judge if you do

[Chillgirl]

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:hallo: TWO! Its great to see you posting!!!

You know the drill but it would be worth a read in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html to refresh your memory, the info in there is phenomonal. Also put your plan together, identify the triggers and change your routine accordingly. I would also recommend checking onto a thread every day as then you get to know everyone in the same boat (I still never miss a day). There are so many fantastic threads with the most amazing positive people who will encourage you through each day.

You have done sooo well in the past so draw on that inner strength. I wish you well on your journey and look forward to seeing you around on the site:l

[ThisWayOut]

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Thanks All. OK, I have some homework to do...Jan 1st coming up quickly.

[hillsidetime]

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Hey TWO, weclome back. We are here to help any time. I remember oh too well, how the drinking volume, duration, and frequency increases.
Hill

[ThisWayOut]

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thanks hill. i drank mostly to escape the pain of loneliness. or maybe i am lonely because i drank. i dunno, but your right, it was scary how it slowly creeps up on you, volume, duration, frequency increases. I gradually went from not having a drink for 5-6 months to once every several weeks to once a week to every night. And this last week, I have been trying to figure out how I can actually get through one night without. not a good road to start down - leads down to a pit. now, climbing back up - i learned my lesson - now hard work begins. Was back on chat last night - talked to all my old friends there - i realized how much they care - and how much we depend upon each other in this virtual world. Anyway, tears in my eyes - gotta go. thanks.

[mylife]

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Hi TWO, I definitely feel your pain. I am using my fear to stop drinking. I also don't have the patience to wait until Jan 1 so I started earlier this year. When I've used the Jan 1 date in the past, I feel so awful by then I don't have the motivation to stop. But that's just me, you know yourself better.

Hang in there, and as many have said we're all here to support each other. Have a great weekend.

[ThisWayOut]

Starting again

thanks mylife. Yeah, I may set a date before Jan 1st. Or today - not sure yet - head is still fogged from drinking AL every night, then trying to make it through the day feeling horrible - until i drink again - Lather, Rinse and Repeat. on my - i learned my lesson - dont go down this road again - its a dead end.

[Chillgirl]

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ThisWayOut;1024650 wrote: thanks mylife. Yeah, I may set a date before Jan 1st. Or today - not sure yet - head is still fogged from drinking AL every night, then trying to make it through the day feeling horrible - until i drink again - Lather, Rinse and Repeat. on my - i learned my lesson - dont go down this road again - its a dead end.

Today sounds like a good place to start!!
Then you get a whole sober week in before Christmas, start to feel good and get your resiliance back, as you say yourself "its a dead end" so why not start the U-turn NOW.
Waking up tomorrow is going to make it all worth it, I promise you and just think..... you can have your 1st sober Christmas afterall!!!

come on you know you can do it.......

[KateH1]

Starting again

Good Morning TWO,
It was nice having a chance to chat with you last night. I am so very sorry to hear how very sad you are at the moment. Yes, you are right, AL does that to us. Knowing that, also know that these feelings and thoughts are temporary and that you will begin to feel much better after a few days without AL! Like Chill said, get a few days AF under your belt now and you will have your first AF Christmas in a long time!

Stay close to us and let us be your support! PM us if you want to....You Can Do This!

Your Friend,
xxKate

[Doggygirl]

Starting again

ThisWayOut;1024638 wrote: i drank mostly to escape the pain of loneliness. or maybe i am lonely because i drank. i dunno, but your right, it was scary how it slowly creeps up on you, volume, duration, frequency increases. I gradually went from not having a drink for 5-6 months to once every several weeks to once a week to every night. And this last week, I have been trying to figure out how I can actually get through one night without. not a good road to start down - leads down to a pit. now, climbing back up - i learned my lesson - now hard work begins.

Hi TWO and welcome back. Lots of good posts here. Just wanted to say that I can really relate to the way you describe the progression (a little....then more....then the pit). Been there done that too. It took me many years to finally realize that I cannot reliably control the amount I drink if I start.

I have also given a lot of thought to the lonliness issue. In the final few years of my drinking I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself. All I wanted to do was hole up in my house with my box of wine and bottle of vodka and drink. I was lonely, but I really didn't want to be with people - I just wanted to drink. I believe now that my lonliness was NOT the reason for me drinking - it was a result of my drinking. My alcoholism was the reason for my drinking. It took me a long time to understand and accept that.

I am grateful today that I'm not lonely, and I'm not depressed to the point where I am suicidal as I was at the end of the drinking.

You can do this too. It's a journey and this is just part of it. After my 2007 relapse, a friend here at My Way Out said "why not today?" as I kept coming up with reason after reason to put off stopping. I finally listened and didn't wait until after the next ___________ (holiday, vacation, event, birthday, weekend trip, funeral, etc.).

Look forward to supporting you in your quest for sobriety.

DG

[ThisWayOut]

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Thanks Chill. Taking U-turn now. I hope to feel better soon. xxoxox TWO

[ThisWayOut]

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Thanks Kate. I can do this. Staying close. Better days ahead.

[ThisWayOut]

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DG, thanks for your post and insight. Day 1 - Rough waters ahead, but will smooth out soon, I hope.