back....lost the fight.

[fighting back]

I had been doing well after I left this place but I have been drinking all weekend and I feel very ashamed. Got the shakes and I look terrible, I just want to curl up in a ball. I am supposed to be working later and there is just no way I can go in, so letting people down again. Back to ODAT, there is no way I am going to drink today. I want off this god-awful merry go round. :upset:

[hillsidetime]

back....lost the fight.

Hi Fighting Back, you are back to ODAT, and that is a great start. Pick up your metaphorical sword, step off of the merry go round, and join the battle. You can do it. We are here for you.
Hill

[Popeye]

back....lost the fight.

You haven'y lost yet...
Just keep fighting and you WILL pull through.
It took me years to find some sort of balance and I'm still not quite where I want to be.
Being sober is the only way I can start to think about what I'm doing, and act effectively on any decisions I make and get away from my old self-pitying, destructive ways and move on in a healthy fashion.
Good luck to you.

[madmans]

back....lost the fight.

Hii Fighting back glad to hear from you again. sorry to hear your not feeling good today, I know by coming to these boards even just to read has helped me stay sober , i dont look to far ahead for me its always ODAT.

[EnglishWriter77]

back....lost the fight.

Hi FB,

Sorry that you're not feeling too good, but you came back and want to stop again so that's a good start.

ODAT the only place to begin - try and get yourself feeling better today and EAT something if you can. I always find that not eating doesn't help my mood and stops me finding a starting balance again.

We're here for you.

EW

[greeneyes]

back....lost the fight.

Fighting back, keep fighting! Get yourself up and drink loads of water with fresh lemon, get some exercise, eat some good food, take a hot bath and see if you can muster up enough energy to fake it through the day. It'll help you shake off your misery and move forward. Good luck.

[fighting back]

back....lost the fight.

Thanks guys. I did eat something and had some tea. I called in sick (flu...again!) I am going to have a shower and do some gift wrapping. I hate feeling like this, I really should know better.

[mama bear]

back....lost the fight.

feel better....

[fighting back]

back....lost the fight.

mama bear;1025816 wrote: feel better....

Thank you, I do. Spent the day trying to do normal Christmas shopping, wrapping etc, and trying not to think about AL.

I didn't drink and it is almost bedtime. I know I probably won't sleep very well, but getting up in the morning AL free will be worth it.

So tomorrow, back to work, a day behind, and I really do love my job. The drink takes so much away from is. I am not a stupid woman, why can't I learn?

People actually look up to the 'sober' me, the capable me, if only they knew. If only I knew... which is the 'real' me?

Anyway, gritting my teeth and getting on with it. Thank you all so much for your support, I know I shied away from here when I was sober and struggling, but hey, you were the first place I came to. Maybe I'll stick around. :thanks:

[Lavande]

back....lost the fight.

This is the place to be - stick around
Congrats on your positive day, keep em going!

[medic]

back....lost the fight.

Hi FB,

don't be too hard on yourself. The "real me" you talk of is not the drunk. That is one identity you have attached to yourself. You also have a more discerning wise self (the one who posts here).

Try not to get too attached to being a particular identity. Take your self esteem from the good things you do as well as regret the things you'd rather not do. I don't know why you drink so I can't really comment specifically, but what I would try to do is understand that you do like to drink on some level and that is why you go back to it.

It is taking me many attempts to take responsibility for my actions, realising I am actually the one in control of my drinking. I find I have to change my life to even contemplate a life without AL. This for me involves finding a replacement for the crutch I use alcohol for.

[Rags]

back....lost the fight.

Hi Fighting,
As Medic says, be kind to yourself, be a friend to yourself.

[gyco]

back....lost the fight.

never

fighting back;1025767 wrote: I had been doing well after I left this place but I have been drinking all weekend and I feel very ashamed. Got the shakes and I look terrible, I just want to curl up in a ball. I am supposed to be working later and there is just no way I can go in, so letting people down again. Back to ODAT, there is no way I am going to drink today. I want off this god-awful merry go round. :upset:

hi back,this is not a fight,a journey like no other,truth,do we want to keep beating ourselves,you hear so many times when offsprings leave the nest,,they have problems,that can be solved,this is an interesting battle,one just has to talk to one like themselves and they get gratification,and how many times we leave what is working for us,and trip up,the word H A LT explains it well,hunger anger loneliness and tired will bring many of us to our knees again,and again,:welcome:were a special breed,i wish you well gyco

[Mish]

back....lost the fight.

fighting back;1026050 wrote: The drink takes so much away from is. I am not a stupid woman, why can't I learn?

People actually look up to the 'sober' me, the capable me, if only they knew. If only I knew... which is the 'real me.'

Alcohol is a liar and a thief. It robs us of dignity and self worth.
It has nothing to do with intelligence. MWO is filled with funny, intelligent, creative and compassionate people who are so very far away from being stupid.
We drink because we have an addiction which doesn't discriminate who it afflicts. There are plenty of stupid people out there in the world who don't drink.
The 'real' you is the sober you. As you go back to ODAT you will recognise that again. Al is also a depressant which kicks us when we're down. Allow each day of sobriety to lift you out of the pit a little higher.
You've kicked yourself enough for now. Self reproach has a place in our lives, but if we keep on being overly saddened by our weaknesses we defeat ourselves.
Fighting, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, so you also know that it's time to start nurturing yourself now and being proud of each hour of sobriety.
We are all here to help and encouage you.

[fighting back]

back....lost the fight.

Thank you all so much. I feel like the 'sober, capable' me is winning for now, and I like her a lot better than the other.

One thing this latest fall has taught me is that ODAT is not going to be enough. In the long term I am looking at some of the recommended meds, and that is really a big thing for me. So I have a lot of reading and swotting up to do, let's face it, I can't do this on my own.

I also recognise that the self reproach thing is all part of the all too familiar cycle, so I am not feeding it any more. I went to my work today, I did a good job. I looked after my family and took care of my responsibilities without having to 'reward' myself with a drink. Doing these things should be reward enough in itself.

Thanks again good people, your words, comments and thoughts help more than you know. :thanks: