- Rodney Dangerfield
I've been doing failrly well, AF. Yesterday, however, there was a tug-of-war. Yes, I will, no I won't, yes I will, no I won't, YES I will, NO . . . and so on. Until I decided I will. Then I pictured myself, as I usually am - drinking, drunk, getting stupider, sloppier. Wondering if this is the moment I'll start to forget, or is it yet to come, or have I already passed it? In the kitchen for food I won't taste - out of a bag, a box, a jar. Passed out on the couch, waking dehydrated, and smelling like a drunk. Dizzy in the morning, probably a BAC still over the legal limit. . . .
So, I decided no. I didn't/don't want to be that person.
I've worried about my sleep, an insomniac from way back. But, I've slept well, and often. I think I'm working through an eight year deficit. Alcohol disturbs circadian rhythms, so, I'm not sleeping drunk. I'm passed out, drunk.
I'm also taking Kudzu and I think its working. (Kudzu from MWO) Or, it could all be in my head. But, its the same thing, isn't it? I feel good. I'm not sure what day it is, I mean how long it has been. 9-10 maybe. No fewer than nine, anyway. It feels good. I'm not swinging from hangover-vine to drunk-vine to hangover-vine to . . . My concentration is good, mental acuity is coming back. And, I'm not rushing, rushing, rushing everything to get to my drink - I have time to slow down.
Things are looking up.
I've been doing failrly well, AF. Yesterday, however, there was a tug-of-war. Yes, I will, no I won't, yes I will, no I won't, YES I will, NO . . . and so on. Until I decided I will. Then I pictured myself, as I usually am - drinking, drunk, getting stupider, sloppier. Wondering if this is the moment I'll start to forget, or is it yet to come, or have I already passed it? In the kitchen for food I won't taste - out of a bag, a box, a jar. Passed out on the couch, waking dehydrated, and smelling like a drunk. Dizzy in the morning, probably a BAC still over the legal limit. . . .
So, I decided no. I didn't/don't want to be that person.
I've worried about my sleep, an insomniac from way back. But, I've slept well, and often. I think I'm working through an eight year deficit. Alcohol disturbs circadian rhythms, so, I'm not sleeping drunk. I'm passed out, drunk.
I'm also taking Kudzu and I think its working. (Kudzu from MWO) Or, it could all be in my head. But, its the same thing, isn't it? I feel good. I'm not sure what day it is, I mean how long it has been. 9-10 maybe. No fewer than nine, anyway. It feels good. I'm not swinging from hangover-vine to drunk-vine to hangover-vine to . . . My concentration is good, mental acuity is coming back. And, I'm not rushing, rushing, rushing everything to get to my drink - I have time to slow down.
Things are looking up.
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