6th day without alcohol!

[wooger]

This is my 6th day without alcohol after drinking VERY heavily for 5-6 years (were talking a bottle of spirits a day for the majority of it and I'm only 24!)

anyways, I just wanted to say I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO much healthier already and my body no longer feels like such a lethargic chemical dump YAY!!!

The sad thing is tho my mum is continuing down the same path, I heard my dad talking to her about it last night telling her 'you are killing yourself' but she seems as if SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE, part of me feels sorry for her and part of me hates her.

The hating is for 2 reasons, one I thought drinking like that was 'normal' and 'not too bad' as I watched her doing it every night for years and two, because she has no desire to change and just shifts the discussion onto someone else when anyone mentions her drinking.

Do you think she is beyond help? I personally believe I will never touch another drink, my mother however, I don't believe she will ever stop until she is dead :|

[Wagoneer]

6th day without alcohol!

Congratulations on day 6! Wonderful!

Wooger, the only person you can be resposible for is you. Your mom has to make a decision for herself, unless you stage some kind of intervention. Some people are not strong enough, or do not feel that they really have a problem, to stop drinking. Maybe she has not "hit rock bottom" or maybe there are some other issues underlying - depression, unhappiness, etc. WHatever the reason, you can only do so much. Seems she is aware of your Dad's concern, but have you spoken wither her about it? Does she know that you have stopped and how wonderful you feel? Maybe that might be something to make her stop and think. I don't know enough about your situation, so I am just speculating here.

Bottom line is you need to be concerned with your sobriety first before you can be any help to her. Maybe your sober example will help your Mom. I really hope that you can continue on your sober journey. It is worth the work.

[Frequent Traveler]

6th day without alcohol!

Awesome Wooger, keep up the great work.
FT

[brightlite]

6th day without alcohol!

Wooger,

Day 6 for me too....and I am a Mom of a 23 and 19 year old. I hate this addiction. It has spun my life down paths that I probably would not have gone..sober. This is a metaphor, but life is like a Kaleidoscope...turn a fraction one way or the other and your whole life looks different.

You can't make someone give up drinking....they have to want it. You want it! You can turn that Kaleidoscope and change your whole life!

[lil.michelle]

6th day without alcohol!

Hi hunni,
Your story is very similar to mine but my was 1 1/2 bottle to 2 bottles of wine a night. My dad has a HUGE drinking problem and i believe that watching him as i grew up had a huge effect on me. My parents would drink daily, my dad a couple of bottles of wine each night and 18 pain killers thrown in for good measure. I watched him and also believed it was normal. He saw me almost lose everything because of my drinking, saw me have a break down ect ect yet he continues do drink daily and it causes HUGE problems within my family.
The best thing for you is to just try and ignore her, love her, care for her but ignore her drinking. ONLY SHE can decide when it's time to stop drinking. You look after yourself. You are truely doing FANTASTIC!

[hillsidetime]

6th day without alcohol!

Hey Wooger, congrats on the six days, keep fighting the battle. Wagoneer hits the nail on the head in regards to your mom. Although it may seem selfish, from what little I know, it seems that you really need to focus on you for right now. You have some tremendously hard days, weeks, and months ahead of you as you start your new lifestyle, habits, and body chemistry without alcohol. The psychological demands are very tough as well as the physiological and social battles. I would say work on you first, try to be a good role model for you mom, and perhaps focus on her later when you have more strength to give. All the best,
Hill

[Meech]

6th day without alcohol!

Wooger,

Awesome job. I can only say that everyone has already given you great advise. YOU need to be the center of your attention. Keep strong, keep posting.

[dixon]

6th day without alcohol!

Wagoor,

I agree with Wagoneer who gave you the brilliant ideas.First you need to be sober and tell her why you gave up the boozing.What kinds of bad impacts are happening to you and your dad because of her drinking etc.etc. that could help her to think to stop drinking.Then you could offer her some professional help.
I think so ...:h
Anyway its my 5th day as well after a two decade!! ....
Dixon

[wooger]

6th day without alcohol!

thatnks everyone for the thoughtful and encouraging advice

I know it has only been a week so far (today is day 7 and new years eve - but I'm sticking to my resolve ).

The fact is I have talked to my mum about it numerous times before but she is just not interested. For me personally I spent a long time tapering down so it wouldnt be as dangerous for me to quit then when I got down to around 3 or 4 beers a day just stopped.

It kinda makes me realise now looking back (I am in counselling) the times when my mum did things like try and have me put into care and getting social workers in telling them how dysfunctional I was (at the time I was like 13 or 14 and didnt do drink or drugs, we just didnt get on). Part of me now wonders whether we didnt get on was because she was drunk every night and nothing was ever her fault - but MY fault, hence having social services in to try and get rid of me etc.

But to be honest, I don't think she will ever stop, I remember around 7 years ago when she was falling down the stairs drunk my dad and nan told me that she had been to the Dr before for help with her drinking and he had offered her 'pills to make her not want it anyone' I'm guessing they offered her a librium and then some kinda adjunct like antabuse or something. Either way, she never accepted the doctors offer.

It has really taken its toll on her health, she has an enlarged heart with atrial fibrilliation, shes quite obese and has a plethera of other health concerns which she attributes to her 'wearing her body out through work' which cant be the case since she 'retired' when she was about 40 or maybe even younger.

Sorry for rambling, but I just wish that she would see sense and deep inside I know nothing will ever make her accept she has a problem and stop drinking.

I felt bad for my dad the other night when they were arguing about it, he said 'I come home to you blind drunk every night'. The poor guy drives 6 hours a day to go to work :| sorry rant really is over now, but what do I do, just watch her kill herself?