Place of Choice

[susiesmum]

As the mother of a loved one with alcoholism, I'd like to ask those of you who are AF what role choice had. I have been confused as one rehab told me that the alcoholic cannot make a choice to quit, so intervention is necessary and hopefully they will make that choice once substance free.
or did you have to make that choice before 'treatment'?
And what is the choice between, anyway. Is it a choice to quit, or a choice to recover your life?
I have read about ambivalence and wonder if the anxiety from fear of living AF is a legitimate barrier to making the choice to 'do what it takes'. Most of you seem to me to have made that choice prior to finding a 'method'.
This person has made the choice to quit many drugs, but the alcohol has her by the throat.

[mario]

Place of Choice

Susiesmum IMO it is up to us as individuals what choice we make,no one makes us drink and no one can stop us drinking,you have to really deep down want to really stop yourself,of course there are lots of people and groups who will help you along the way but at the end of the day it is our own choice,
The choice you make is whether you want to stop the spiral out of control life you are living or to slowly move better to a better way of life.

[susiesmum]

Place of Choice

Thanks Mario! I need to hear this. Its one thing for the "experts' to tell me about addictions, but I put more weight on the opinions of those of you have walked the journey. All the best!

[Chillgirl]

Place of Choice

susiesmum - I agree with Mario. There is no level of intervention, therapy, counseling or rehab that will work without the commitment of the individual. We have to want it, and want it badly. However, belief in whether we can suceed is a different matter and this is where help and support is vital. There will be many times when even the ones who want it badly feel like it's too difficult and cave in. At this point they need the encouragement and reassurances of family, professionals or of others going through the same thing. That's why this site works so well.

[Guitarista]

Place of Choice

Hi Susie's mum. Good questions.

I can only speak from my own experience here, but for me, i needed to choose. I knew this when i was drinking, and i knew that for me, no outside intervention would have worked unless i wanted it to, and unless i wanted to stop drinking, and take my life back. For me, it was a choice to 'recover my life'. I eventually just got sick of being sick really, and sick of the whole cycle. I remember not being able to imagine a life without alcohol when i first thought about quitting. It took me months of alcohol free living to begin to understand that a grog free life is not only possible, but far more enjoyable, and enriching etc. So it was my thinking, not my drinking that kept me in chains for so long. I was fortunate to alway's have a very small 'pilot' light, barely flickering away somewhere deep inside, that i was able to grasp onto, and encourage for all i was worth. For me, and i know for many people, we have to find the desire from within ourselves, and we have the tool's within once we find it.

It must be very frustrating for you. Your daughter is very lucky to have you. Do you think she would get some benefit out of posting here?

Best wishes, Greg.

[JackieClaire]

Place of Choice

Oh Susiesmum,
What a lovely mum you are and how very worrying for you.:l
I have to say I'm with mario and Chill on this one. It had to come from within me, but I also had the support of my husband, my two children, a counsellor and a wonderful doctor. And of course the 24/7 support of MWO.

Yes the prospect of living alcohol free was quite scary but the longer I am AF the better it has become. I'm no longer scared, anxious or feel the awful loneliness that descends on a drinker.

Can you let your daughter have a quick read through some of our posts. She'll be welcomed with open arms if or when she ever decided to join us.

[Chillgirl]

Place of Choice

susiesmum - I agree with Mario. There is no level of intervention, therapy, counseling or rehab that will work without the commitment of the individual. We have to want it, and want it badly. However, belief in whether we can suceed is a different matter and this is where help and support is vital. There will be many times when even the ones who want it badly feel like it's too difficult and cave in. At this point they need the encouragement and reassurances of family, professionals or of others going through the same thing. That's why this site works so well.

[brightlite]

Place of Choice

Susiesmom,

I have struggled with this addiction and I am still working on sobriety, but made a decision recently to also "recover my life". I may not get it back to the way it was years ago....that was a different time and place, but I want the joy, health, laughter and positive feelings back that come from sobriety. It's all I can do to look forward to better health, happiness and new opportunities without being a slave to the beast. I'm optimistic.

[susiesmum]

Place of Choice

yes, I have told her about this site. At the moment she doesn't have internet access. I asked questions in other posts about baclofen. She says she wants to try it, but it bothers me that if she hasnt made this choice we're talking about, she won't be committed to the ups and downs of it. In other words, she's made the choice for baclofen, but when we talk she admits she is really not motivated to quit drinking. And yes, she definitely feels what she has 'tried' ( 2 rehabs, AA) hasnt 'worked' but all the way through I see a lack of really wanting it and commitment to keep trying. Someone told me addicts offload choice and try to get others to make it for them. Can you relate to that?

[Guitarista]

Place of Choice

The addicted mind shirk's all sort's of responsibilites, that's for sure. The bottom line is that someone has to want it.

[Chillgirl]

Place of Choice

I don't agree we "off load choice", throughout my drinking I always knew it was my choice but what we do is make ridiculous excuses as to why it's ok to continue. This is the denial in which we live until we finally find the light switch......

[KateH1]

Place of Choice

Hi Susie's mom, I completely agree with Chill and Mario....whether we go to rehab, or have an intervention or use AA or MWO, recovery can only happen when the serious "Choice" and "Comittment" to Sobriety is made by the addict. Nothing works, unless WE Work It! I spent years telling myself and others that I wanted to be sober, that I wanted to stop the madness.....yet, all the while deep down I also knew that I did not want to live without alcohol.....baffling! But, now, at three years sober, I cannot imagine ever taking a drink again. If I can do it, anyone can do it! I hope that your daughter finds her way out!
Wish you Peace, Strength and Comfort,
Kate

[lil.michelle]

Place of Choice

Hi.
FIRST, i want to say how wondeful you are and what a great mother you are by sticking by your daughters side. My mum did the same for me and honestly i needed to mum for support but i know she went through hell and pain as i fighted it. However, 3 years later, shes watching her sober daughter bring up her 2 wonderful grandchildren and it was worth the pain (so she says)

I personally believe that you have to make the choice to quit. You alone. I also believe you really have to hit rock bottom and with your full heart, know and want to quit. No one can push you to stop as it doesn't work, t's just a quick 'fix' for a life long battle.
There is also no mirricle cure. Just pure will power and drink makes us very weak minded and willed.
I personally remember one day my mothering law coming round. i sat watching her thinking, how the hell can anyone be sober and get through a day. AL had got hold of me that strongly that i couldn't see or remember how to live AL free, even for a day. However, after 3 years of countless battles and relapses, i'm nearly 60 drink free and drink has loosened it grip on me. I know have no need or want for drink BUT i will never forget that this is a life long battle tho.

[Mish]

Place of Choice

Susiesmum, please let your daughter know that I am more than happy to help her in any way I can. Baclofen takes all the struggle out of getting and staying sober. For me, it has been a 'miracle cure' and has given me back my life.
I am happy to speak to Fresh Start on your behalf once they go back after the holidays. If I talk to Dr O'Neil I can get him on board.
Your daughter does need to decide that she's sick of the life she has and wants a better one. Obviously, if she's given up other drugs, she does feel like that. Alcohol is is a hideous addiction. Maybe your daughter feels as I did...that the idea of giving it up forever was terrifying. It was the scariest thing I had ever done. I know others here feel the same. I'd love to talk to your precious girl and assure her that it can be done.
Hope is a wonderful thing, and by instilling in her a sense of hope, your daughter can overcome the obstacles of fear and 'loss' and live a better life.
We all wish this for her, and commend you for your loving concern and support.