Hi Everyone,
Well, I’m not quite sure where to start – this will be long, so get your sandwich (I can feel your eyes glazing over already)…………….
When I stopped posting, I had to take some time away for personal reasons (was spending a crazy amount of time here – every time I thought I would just write something quickly, it always turned into a couple of hours)……..you all know how that goes. The issues are resolved for now, so I feel okay spending time here again.
Anyway, this will be a surprise to most of you, but I did a 180 (kind of). I very calculatedly decided that I wanted to try being able to enjoy a couple of drinks on special occasions or with my husband on our weekly dinner out. So, I have done exactly that and it’s working.
I have had 2 drinks on each of 4 drinking occasions during the last 3 weeks (3 dinners out, one dinner party at my house – this includes NY Eve). I drink nothing on a daily basis. And, I have to say that it has not been a struggle at all! Some switch happened in my brain that I attribute to my 2 ? months of sobriety. Because I felt so fantastic being off the booze, it finally gave me insight into the benefits of not drinking too much (and apparently that feeling has been internalized and solidified at least so far). Before, I had never stopped for more than a day or two.
Now, I realize that I was resolute on not drinking and that my postings reflect that, but something changed for me, obviously. From the beginning, it has not been a challenge not to drink when I’m at home, but being out with friends has been a white-knuckler for me, and that’s the dilemma I’m trying to mitigate. We’ll see……..
I think too that my drinking problem had really hit its crescendo during the last year when my husband got sick. Before that I had slowly started to have a problem, but really wasn’t in trouble until I started ratcheting up because of the situation with my husband.
So, I think the fact that I was pretty early on (relatively speaking) in the troubled stages of drinking, coupled with not drinking for an extended period of time has enabled me to moderate.
Now, I know full-well that many of you will think I’m rationalizing, but I don’t. And, I am honest enough to tell the truth here. It would make no sense to have total anonymity and not be honest – why bother, right? Of course, the proof will be in the pudding. If I get back to drinking regularly versus special occasions only, you guys will be the first to know. At that time, I would go back to AF. I truly believe that I will not compromise the way I feel now. I think I’ve done something very few people can do because of “catching” myself early enough in the process. Again, we’ll see……….
I was reluctant to come back on with my story, because I didn’t want to disappoint or be a bad influence on anyone struggling. However, I believe in the overall intelligence of this community. It seems to me that we’re all here to learn and that understanding and logic rule the day. I will be the first to admit if this doesn’t work. If it does, I’ll be honest about that too and maybe I can help someone achieve what I’ve achieved if it’s an option for them.
Finally, I’m not sure there really is a place for moderators here. It seems like the site really is active on the abstintention (sp?) threads, but not on the modding threads. I guess it makes sense – when things are under control, there’s not a lot to “work through.” It’s interesting, because the program was intended for moderation, but the bulk of what gets discussed is about abstaining (aside from the meds thread). Guess I’ll just post when/if it makes sense……….
Love to all my virtual buddies – I have missed you!! BTW, my new persona is Kundalini Girl, posting under the mods sections. I have recently fallen in love with Kundalini Yoga (doing it every day) and it just feels fun to change things up a bit.
Sorry for this being a book – so much to try to say. I think it’s important and hope you will all keep an open mind. I know when I was posting totally abs that I really wasn’t interested in someone modding – I didn’t want to read their posts – thought they were fooling themselves, etc. So, I’ll understand if you are skeptical about my endeavor – just wanted to share what’s going on with me. I feel close to many of you here and didn’t want to just disappear and have you wonder what happened.
XX,
Choochie
Well, I’m not quite sure where to start – this will be long, so get your sandwich (I can feel your eyes glazing over already)…………….
When I stopped posting, I had to take some time away for personal reasons (was spending a crazy amount of time here – every time I thought I would just write something quickly, it always turned into a couple of hours)……..you all know how that goes. The issues are resolved for now, so I feel okay spending time here again.
Anyway, this will be a surprise to most of you, but I did a 180 (kind of). I very calculatedly decided that I wanted to try being able to enjoy a couple of drinks on special occasions or with my husband on our weekly dinner out. So, I have done exactly that and it’s working.
I have had 2 drinks on each of 4 drinking occasions during the last 3 weeks (3 dinners out, one dinner party at my house – this includes NY Eve). I drink nothing on a daily basis. And, I have to say that it has not been a struggle at all! Some switch happened in my brain that I attribute to my 2 ? months of sobriety. Because I felt so fantastic being off the booze, it finally gave me insight into the benefits of not drinking too much (and apparently that feeling has been internalized and solidified at least so far). Before, I had never stopped for more than a day or two.
Now, I realize that I was resolute on not drinking and that my postings reflect that, but something changed for me, obviously. From the beginning, it has not been a challenge not to drink when I’m at home, but being out with friends has been a white-knuckler for me, and that’s the dilemma I’m trying to mitigate. We’ll see……..
I think too that my drinking problem had really hit its crescendo during the last year when my husband got sick. Before that I had slowly started to have a problem, but really wasn’t in trouble until I started ratcheting up because of the situation with my husband.
So, I think the fact that I was pretty early on (relatively speaking) in the troubled stages of drinking, coupled with not drinking for an extended period of time has enabled me to moderate.
Now, I know full-well that many of you will think I’m rationalizing, but I don’t. And, I am honest enough to tell the truth here. It would make no sense to have total anonymity and not be honest – why bother, right? Of course, the proof will be in the pudding. If I get back to drinking regularly versus special occasions only, you guys will be the first to know. At that time, I would go back to AF. I truly believe that I will not compromise the way I feel now. I think I’ve done something very few people can do because of “catching” myself early enough in the process. Again, we’ll see……….
I was reluctant to come back on with my story, because I didn’t want to disappoint or be a bad influence on anyone struggling. However, I believe in the overall intelligence of this community. It seems to me that we’re all here to learn and that understanding and logic rule the day. I will be the first to admit if this doesn’t work. If it does, I’ll be honest about that too and maybe I can help someone achieve what I’ve achieved if it’s an option for them.
Finally, I’m not sure there really is a place for moderators here. It seems like the site really is active on the abstintention (sp?) threads, but not on the modding threads. I guess it makes sense – when things are under control, there’s not a lot to “work through.” It’s interesting, because the program was intended for moderation, but the bulk of what gets discussed is about abstaining (aside from the meds thread). Guess I’ll just post when/if it makes sense……….
Love to all my virtual buddies – I have missed you!! BTW, my new persona is Kundalini Girl, posting under the mods sections. I have recently fallen in love with Kundalini Yoga (doing it every day) and it just feels fun to change things up a bit.
Sorry for this being a book – so much to try to say. I think it’s important and hope you will all keep an open mind. I know when I was posting totally abs that I really wasn’t interested in someone modding – I didn’t want to read their posts – thought they were fooling themselves, etc. So, I’ll understand if you are skeptical about my endeavor – just wanted to share what’s going on with me. I feel close to many of you here and didn’t want to just disappear and have you wonder what happened.
XX,
Choochie
I promise to be honest about my experience!
ray:
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