Here I go again

[magnum]

Here I go again, today is day 2 AF. I'm worried, scared, tired, anxious, nervous, exicited, angry, happy, ......just a ball of nerves. I keep thinking about drinking yet I'm not. I've been drinking 25 years, hard for 15 or so years. I'm very fortunate my doctor prescribed Topo and it's helping and I'm joining a gym tomorrow. The only person that know's I'm doing this is my wife and she is supporting me (she doesn't drink). I have a couple of questions that I could really use help with. First, how do you handle the social events where everyone else is drinking? I'm the guy you can count on to party with, the guy who will always have a drink or beer with you. what do I tell people? How do I handle it? Second, and this is going to sound weird I know, with sobriety you have time. I mean, yesterday was a long day. when I'm drinking the day goes by so fast and yesterday it seemed liked the day just dragged on. How do you pass the time? I did get a ton done but holy cow ......

any help and/or suggestions would be great.

[brightlite]

Here I go again

Congrats Magnum on your decision to get healthy and you've made some good first steps.

I'm also newly into my sobriety, but I'm sure you will get a lot of responses.

First, it's pretty easy regarding the social stuff. There are a number of things you can say...of course honesty is good, but here are a couple examples:


I'm trying to stay healthy
I'm taking medication (of course, some nosey people might ask what)
I like the old "I'm doing a cleanse" (no one really wants to hear more about that)

And, you can still have fun at the party....only the die-hard drinkers will care that you are not drinking.

About filling your time. Well you joined a gym....that will take up some time. What other interests do you have? What about some things your wife may have been wanted to do...you know on the weekends and stuff. Read, meditate, contemplate....so many options....

[Mish]

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Hi Magnum. The early days can be very scary and you will run the full gamut of emotions. This is very normal.
As for social events, my way of handling it is to be honest. I just explain that I have a weakness with alcohol so I'm not drinking. Real friends will appreciate that it takes more strength to admit it and respect your wishes. Others might suggest you say you're on antibiotics and can't drink, but you end up with a growing number of infections which seem to crop up every time you have a social event. I'm sure others will have their own pet excuses.
As for the boredon, have you any projects you've been wanting to do? I've been busy in the garden, even into the evening, and scanning all my photo albums and putting them onto a USB Memory Stick. As you build up more AF days your mind will get clearer and you'll have more enthusiasm for life. When that happens and you have a hobby or project to work on, you'll find there aren't enough hours in the day to do all the fun stuff you haven't been able to do while you were drinking.
It does get easier and it is so worth it when your appreciation for sobriety kicks in.
Wishing you every success.

[Mish]

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Cross posted, britelite.

[KundaliniGirl]

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Magnum, I do lots of cooking and exercise to fill my time. I also read tons and watch some TV. Also, reading and posting here takes time and is really beneficial!

Best of luck to you.:welcome:

KG

[jennyneric]

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looked and looked and looked for Oney's 100 thing to do instead of drink and can't find it! So if anyone has it or Oney if you are out there please post the list here for Magnum. You will love it Magnum! Best of luck! You can do this!

[Chillgirl]

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Magnum - if you are serious about quitting you have to be prepared for extreme life changes. I was the ultimate party girl! Always the last to leave and the life and soul of the party. When I quit I knew these days were over but quite frankly.... I was partied out. I realized the fun had actually gone years ago and I was just repeating behavior with the same crowd of drunks time after time. There never was going to be that amazing fun party to top all parties, I was deluding myself over what constituted a good time.

In the beginning I would recommend you don't go to these social occasions, you will find them uncomfortable and frustrating. If you do go then arrive later and leave early. You will soon see the drinkers behaving in ways which will make you cringe and be glad you are no longer one of them. I'm so glad you have supportive wife.

Regarding how to spend your time, take up a new hobby you have wanted to try but the drinking got in the way, read more, hang out here, enjoy your family and just live. I used to think I'd have all these endless hours to kill but very soon you fill them up and wonder how you ever had time to drink!

[Tipplerette]

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Hi Magnum, I, too am on my second day. I, too am the life of the party and am the one offering wine before people take their coats off when visiting. I plan on using the detox excuse because, really, that is what we're doing. Didn't it feel great to wake up clearheaded and not dehydrated this morning? yay for us... I hope I can still be the life of the party. My sense of humour is still part of me even when sober. I remember when all my friends started drinking and I didn't but still went to the same teenage parties. I had lots of fun without booze then so I can do it now and so can you. Your bleary eyed friends don't look so attactive through sober eyes, though, I must warn you. As far as keeping busy I have a TON of unread books. I also made a list of stuff I have been putting off ie. seeing movies that have come and gone without my seeing them, gardening in the spring, trying new recipes (girly stuff, eh). You must have some things you would like to do. Just browzing this amazing website can take alot of time and it also encourages you. For the record I have a history of not succeeding in my abstinence. Let's do this together. Try the drink-tracker. It is a visual reward for your efforts. Good luck.. Tip

[Tipplerette]

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Gotta change my signature... another failure staring at me in the face.

[magnum]

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Tipplerette, what's the drink-tracker? Thanks eveyone. I AM going to do this.

[Tipplerette]

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It's one of the choices. Instead of choosing General Discussion as the board you wish to view, choose Drink Tracker (it's towards the bottom of the list). It will ask you to re-log in and you can choose your goal (moderation or abstinence) and enter the number of drinks you had that day. It is a very good visual affirmation of your (our) imminent SUCCESS. We can do this!!

[RudyB]

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magnum,
on the just starting out part of the site frenchman has a thread that's titled thanks. he has a gazillion ideas of what to do with yourself and your time and your sobriety. worth a read for sure!
rudyb

[RudyB]

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...actually, the thread is called Thank you everyone.
now i'm off to the gym. happy trotting to you!

[allswell]

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Magnum,

I'll bet you will find your days filling up after you get some alcohol free time under your belt and drinking is not at the forefront of your thinking. The first few days will be something you will not want to repeat again.

I agree with Chillgirl, in the beginning it is probably best you not go to social events where there will be drinking. It just put's your mind in a bad place and is too distracting from your goal if your goal is to abstain. If this is not possible, arriving late and leaving early is excellent advice.

Good luck

[magnum]

Here I go again

Well, today is day 5 and I'm still AF! Been to the gym 2 days and doing ok, actually lost 6 lbs so far. Could use a drink tonight just kidding. Moods are starting to settle down but i do get cranky pretty easy and sleeping is still kind of difficultt but doing what I can. one day at a time.