Looking for support

[ATLThrash]

Looking for support

Thanks so much to all.I am not sure my husband is negative-- he in fact is usually so positive but the last year took alot out of him I believe. After I had our son I had horrible post partum depression and it was not really treated. It caused a huge split beween my parents and I-- my mom especially. My mom was mortified that I would get depressed when I had a beautiful son who was healthy and a good husband-- and she was highly ashamed of me for it. My mom has always been one of these types who lives through their kids so the fact that I was not doing too well she internalized. I never did not love my child-- I just felt a disconnect. And I think that was when alot of the drinking started-- I was so uncomfortable with the new me that I hit the booze. That of course as we all knwo started the endless anxiety -- which led to the antianxiety meds-- and more issues. I finally relaized that I was anxious because of the booze and not in addition to it. It was a rough few years though coming to all that. Adn my husband was very loyal and kind through it all-- but I guess one can only take so much without getting frustrated. The good thing is that even after I got on the scale I did not feel like turning to my old friend, the booze. I do know that I am a big picture person alot so I think "oh wow-- 60 lbs-- that will take forever" and I throw up my hands. Taking it one day at a time should help that. Thanks so much!

[christyacc]

Looking for support

ATLThrash;1034367 wrote: Christy-- When is your bday? Mine is in May-- I want to resemble a human by then (ha). I will be happy to support you-- I just keep telling myself that Jennifer Hudson was the exact same size as me when she started Weight Watchers and now she is where I want to be and it did not take her forever (of course I am a bit older so that may make a difference)

HI!

My birthday is May 13th. IYou aren't much older than me am also 5'7 but for me to go to 130 I feel too thin...I like myself at 150-155. So, we both basically have the same to lose. How can we help each other? I will PM you my email.

I think we can really help each other here......

[Mish]

Looking for support

ATLThrash;1034413 wrote: Thanks so much to all.I am not sure my husband is negative-- he in fact is usually so positive but the last year took alot out of him I believe.

After I had our son I had horrible post partum depression and it was not really treated. It caused a huge split beween my parents and I-- my mom especially. My mom was mortified that I would get depressed when I had a beautiful son who was healthy and a good husband-- and she was highly ashamed of me for it. My mom has always been one of these types who lives through their kids so the fact that I was not doing too well she internalized. I never did not love my child-- I just felt a disconnect.

I always think that when we are at our least loveable, we need loving the most. I'm glad your husband is usually a positive force in your life and once you get yourself healthy again, I'm sure he'll return to the support he was before.
I, too had undiagnosed postnatal depression for three years and seven months. I went through all the motions and loved my daughter very much, but like you, I felt very disconnected. Like you, I started drinking quite heavily, too. My first husband wasn' t supportive or positive, in fact he enabled me to keep drinking, and it wasn't until we separated, then divorced, that I got my drinking under a sort of control again.
I feel very sorry for your mother. It's sad that she has no real life of her own and has to live vicariously through her children. It puts a huge burden on you to meet her expectations, which means you often have to please her rather than do what feels right for you. It's very controlling of her and very selfish. The way things are at the moment, you're feeling guilty for "mortifying" her due to a chemical imbalance in your brain over which you have no control. Does that make sense? It's not like you enjoy postnatal depression. Damn, it's the worst feeling in the world and you wouldn't be doing it if you had a choice, eh?

Have you read "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner? I applied to principles to my relationship with my mother and a year later we're closer than we've ever been. We had different issues, , but it works in the same way. It feels uncomfortable and a bit forced at first but it really works. You'll both be happier for it in the long run.

[ATLThrash]

Looking for support

Sheri-- I feel exactly that-- men think they need to solve things for the most part and if we are talking and not doing-- what a waste. To the good though he was impressed that I budgeted for the meals-- I still cook for he and my son but I will eat the balanced fresh stuff for a while so I can bring a measure of discipline with the portion and calories. It has been a while since I have watched it so I really need that structure. I feel if I had gone back to work right after my son was born it might have gotten me in gear but that is water under the bridge!

Mish--I have heard of that book before. I will have to look it up. My mom and I were always close and even after she didn't really support me with the post partum I still tried to be close to her. I then realized that to be close to my mom the relationship has to be almost pathological-- no bounds and constantly being told what I should do etc. My sister and I have been very successful with career and personally-- never did anything wrong etc-- so my mom had to invent something to think of since she lives through us. Thus the perceived faults we have are harped on all the time. Just this year I decided I could not talk to my mom much because no matter what I said she would not respect my boundaries. I still tried to be in touch on some level because of our son but tried to keep it light-- and that resulted in her freezing me out-- not calling or writing to "punish" me. I would be okay with it, as dumb as it is, but my dad has had cancer and my mom acts like his gate keeper-- she will not give info to us unless we tow the line and he is not one to get on the phone. So for his sake I have sucked it up. My mother in law was in fact saying that she would not have believed it if she had not observed it but that my mom seems truly ashamed of me because I am not currently in some big law firm job and not a 130 pound knock out. Not just a little disappointed but ashamed. I think my mom is still seething because she stayed home with us so she blames everyone but herself for her failure to be the next Hillary Clinton and thinks somehow if her daughters are successful that that means she is--i think my sister and I are good people and that shoudl be what counts but it is never ever enough. It is a freudian sandbox for sure! She has no idea about the drinking and I intend to keep it that way.

Better hit the hay now-- thanks for all the comments--I am just going to try to take it one day at a time and hopefuly in about 6 or 7 months things will be much closer to "normal"